Harry Potter and the Special Brownies
by ChibiWhiteFerret
Summary: Draco tricks Harry into eating special brownies, Gryffindor boys (yes, plural) get high. Something happens with Snape, McGongall and jell-o; Trevor flies... H/D slash in later chapters. *Not a pothead fic* CHAPTER 22 UP (the end! *cries* R/R, please!))!!!
1. Chp. 1 - Apologetic Brownies

Title: Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Author: Chibi White Ferret  
Part: 1/?  
Rating: PG-13 for drug use (and probably cursing later)  
Spoilers: first four books  
Warnings: umm... drugs and slash, the best combo! ho ho ho! ^_^ - except I dunno if there will be slash or not, hee hee - I just dunno yet... we'll see... :P  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this HP stuff, JK and all the legal & publishing people do - well, duh...  
Pairing(s): none... now... HO HO HO! Will be some...  
Summary: Harry eats a special brownie, as if that wasn't totally obvious...  
Author's Note: Dedicated to... who? Hmm... Emily, because she reviewed my last one (I know she won't approve of drug use...).  
Background Info: Harry & co. are in their 7'th year at Hogwarts, umm... I think that's all you need to know...  
Feedback: Yes, please! Please review!!! Give me feedback! ::gets down on hands and knees:: Pleeaassee???  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He shouldn't have done it. Just say no. That's what everyone says. All those commercials on muggle TV about saying no to drugs. He was an idiot, he knew that. Only an idiot would eat a chocolate brownie that had marijuana in it and not realize - never even question - where it had come from. Or the funny smell. And now he was high. Oh, what an idiot. How could he? How could he be so stupid? And then, like a bolt of lightning in his mind, it came to him. Draco Malfoy. This whole thing was his fault. Really, it was. He deserved no blame for this, none whatsoever. He was in this predicament because of Draco Malfoy. Stupid git. Oh, why had he been so naive in the first place...  
  
***  
  
Earlier that day, 5:00 PM  
  
Potter! Oy, Potter!  
  
Harry turned slowly and sighed. He was in no mood to deal with Malfoy today.  
  
Malfoy. What do you want?  
  
Draco ran up to Draco, panting and slightly out of breath. Listen, Potter, he said, stopping to catch his breath, bent over with his hands on his knees. He straightened up. Listen I just - well, I waned to say - well, sorry. I'm sorry. I am sorry. And I just - I wanted to make amends. For everything. Just - just everything in the past. I'm sorry, Potter. Really, I am.  
  
Harry stared in disbelief.  
  
Uh, Malfoy?  
  
Yes, Potter? Draco asked, his usual sneer firmly in place.  
  
Are you feeling all right?  
  
Draco paused. Blinked.   
  
Are you sure you're not ill?  
  
Draco paused again. Uh, yeah. I'm sure. He hesitated momentarily. Why, Potter?  
  
Harry blinked. Paused. Well - well because. This isn't you. I mean, you don't - you apologized! Harry exclaimed, looking utterly scandalized. You never apologize!  
  
Draco frowned. How would you know anyway, Potter? Just because I've never apologized to you and your little friends before doesn't mean -   
  
Fifth year.  
  
Draco looked confused. What about fifth year?  
  
You cursed Goyle when Ron deflected your curse. It bounced back and hit Goyle and he was in the hospital wing for two weeks. Two weeks. And you didn't apologize.  
  
Draco looked annoyed.   
  
So? So?! Malfoy, you cursed the word Idiot' onto his forehead!  
  
  
  
Wha - two weeks! Two weeks!  
  
I'm aware of the length of time, Potter, thank you. What's your point?  
  
You didn't apologize.  
  
  
  
Oh, please, Harry cried, exasperated. He turned to go but Draco grabbed his arm.  
  
  
  
Harry was having a ad day. Snape had subtracted 10 points from Gryffindor during Potions because his potion was more than He was in no mood to deal with Malfoy's crap today.  
  
What is it, Malfoy?  
  
I said sorry. I mean, I apologized. To you, of all people.  
  
  
  
Aren't you going to say anything? Draco asked, almost nervously, shifting the package he was holding under one arm to the other. He looked at Harry expectantly.   
  
Well what? What do you want me to say, Malfoy?  
  
  
  
Do you want me to accept your apology?  
  
You could. If you wanted to, I mean.  
  
Harry sighed. he said, still feeling irritable. Fine, I accept your apology.  
  
Draco smirked. Of course you accept, Potter, I knew you would.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. Oh, whatever, he said, turning to leave again.  
  
Harry had scarcely walked three meters when Malfoy came p behind him, increasing his pace to keep up with Harry and walking beside him.  
  
What is it now, Malfoy?  
  
Draco said nothing, then suddenly stepped in front of Harry cutting him off. Harry stopped dead in his tracks, still annoyed at Draco holding him up.   
  
Do you want a brownie?  
  
  
  
Do you?  
  
Are you serious?  
  
Draco had the courtesy to look genuinely confused. Whatever do you mean, Potter? Why wouldn't I be serious?  
  
Harry stared at Draco. Weird day.  
  
Come again?  
  
Never mind. Um, I'll tell you what, Malfoy. If I have a brownie will you go back to the Slytherin dungeons and leave me alone for the rest of the day?  
  
Draco smirked. Anything for famous Harry Potter.  
  
said Harry, shifting his books from under his right arm to under his left and holding out his hand. Give it here, then, and get on with it.  
  
Draco opened the package he had been carrying and looked up at Harry, then back down. Tell you what, Potter, he said. I've already had some, so you just take what's left, all right?  
  
Harry stood, stunned, as Draco forced the Tupperware container into his free hand, patted him on the shoulder, grinned, and turned away, heading back down the hallway towards the dungeons.  
  
Harry watched Draco's retreating form and turned to go, when Draco's voice called from just out of sight, Have fun, Potter. Harry thought he heard Malfoy snigger, but he couldn't be sure. He shrugged it off. Malfoy's so weird, he muttered to himself, heading off to Gryffindor Tower. Bloody out of his mind, he is.  
  
...... TBC  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N 2: Oh, no!! It took too much space. ::sigh:: Well, I guess this will be a multi-chapter fic. More soon, please review! More to come, soon soon! Oh, yes - I don't do drugs or condone their use. If you do them that's your business. Also, like I said - I think there will be some slash, but I dunno for sure yet... we'll see. Like I said - comments, please! But no flames. Ugh. And be kind - I'm still new at this...  



	2. Chp. 2 - Setting the Stage (Boys Eat Bro...

Title: Harry Potter and the Special Brownies, part 2 - Setting the Stage for Disaster.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, obviously  
Pairing(s): still none :P so sorry...  
Feedback: *nods* Please?  
Author's Note: Har-har-har! Dedicated to Lija for encouraging me and suggesting that I put more about whipped cream fantasies, and also to Aftin (we share a brain), Emily (thanx for reading), and to Ari, too, even though she'll never see this, tee hee. It's Friday, I'm giddy. Not my usual self. So sorry. What happened to my sangfroid? Oh, no, I've lost it... hee hee... o_O Am I being too weird? Hmm, maybe... oh yes, and hi to Ruby. Even though she never has time to talk to me, *sigh.* Anyway, on to the fic - please read and review, as always, hee hee! ^_^ ::happy::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry Potter was in Gryffindor Tower, in the seventh-year boys dorm room. Sitting on his bed, he dropped the books he had been carrying and turned to inspect Draco's They were, in fact, brownies. Sighing, Harry picked up the container and sniffed. Smells normal, he muttered as the door opened and his best friend walked in. Oh, hey Ron.  
  
Ron smiled. Hey, Harry. Noticing the brownies he came over to inspect them. Where'd you get the food?  
  
Before Harry could respond Ron had reached down, picked up a brownie, and taken a bite. Harry stared at Ron for a moment, mouth hanging open.  
  
Ron saw Harry's odd expression. You don't mind, do you, Harry? he asked, speech slightly muffled by the second bite he had just taken.  
  
Harry continued to stare at Ron as he hungrily devoured the brownie. Swallowing the last bite, Ron proceeded to lick the chocolate off every digit one-by-one, making sounds.   
  
Harry blinked.   
  
Ron looked up from inspecting his pal for remaining traces of chocolate. Yes, Harry?  
  
I don't think you should have eaten that.  
  
Ron gave Harry a quizzical look. Why? Did Neville make them or something?  
  
Harry said shortly. He wasn't sure he should tell Ron the truth. _Maybe I shouldn't tell him,_ Harry thought, watching as Ron shrugged and flopped down on his own bed. _It might be best to not tell him...  
_  
Harry watched as Ron sighed, stretched, and flipped over onto his stomach on the bed where he lay.  
  
  
  
Yes, Ron?  
  
... why didn't you want me to try those brownies?  
  
  
  
Ron rolled over onto his back and pushed himself up into a halfway sitting position, resting his weight on his elbows. He was giving Harry a slightly suspicious look. Both boys suddenly felt a terrible sense of foreboding.  
  
Harry -  
  
Just then the door to the room reopened and Seamus and Dean entered, followed closely by Neville. Seamus was telling Dean that after six and a half of explaining, Dean still hadn't managed to convince him that football was a real sport.   
  
One ball, Dean, Seamus said fervently. There's only one!  
  
Dean sighed and Neville smiled.  
  
Well, I think it might be easier with one ball, Neville said genuinely. Four balls is a bit too much for me.  
  
Four balls and broomsticks, Seamus said. That's what makes it _interesting_...  
  
Just then Dean caught sight of the brownies, open container sitting on Harry's bed.  
  
Where'd you get the food, Harry? he asked inquisitively.  
  
Harry shot a sideways glance at Ron, who had lain back down on his bed and closed his eyes, mind swimming.  
  
Seamus however was, much like Ron had been, an impatient, hungry chocolate lover. He quickly reached down and snatched the container off Harry's bed.  
  
Seamus - Harry started.  
  
You don't mind, do you Harry? Seamus asked. Not waiting for a response he grabbed a brownie and took a large bite.   
  
Dean hesitated. You _don't_ mind, do you Harry?  
  
Harry sighed. he said. But there's something you ought to know...  
  
Dean and Neville didn't bother to wait for Harry's explanation.  
  
This is great, Harry, Neville said, stuffing the entire brownie in his mouth, obscuring his words. I waff famrisshhed, gya kneow. (**translation: I was famished, you know.**)  
  
Dean took a small, meticulous bite to taste it and was obviously satisfied. He grinned. Wow, Harry, these are great!  
  
Harry's stomach grumbled.  
  
Dean, Seamus, and Neville all paused and gave him strange looks.  
  
Dean said in his most reasonable, I-am-talking-to-an-idiot voice. You have brownies and you're not eating them. Even though you're hungry...?  
  
Harry looked at Ron, who had sit up completely on his bed and was looking intently at Harry, to Seamus, who had finished his brownie completely. From Seamus he looked to Neville, who had already started in on his second brownie, to Dean, who was holding the last bit of brownie in his hand. All four boys stared at Harry. Harry stared back, then sighed, finally giving in to his natural, Gryffindor inclination to spill his guts.  
  
The brownies,' he said in a loud, clear voice. He wasn't entirely sure that they hadn't been poisoned and had planned on asking Hermione to check them for him. Obviously it was too late for that.  
  
The brownies. They're - well, they're from Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. He gave them to me.  
  
Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Ron all continued to look at him. Harry stared from one to the other, surveying them all carefully.   
  
You heard what I said, didn't you?  
  
... yes, Dean said slowly. It sounded like you said -  
  
-they were from Malfoy, Seamus finished. Tell me you're joking.  
  
That's not funny, Harry, Neville said, an slight tone of urgency creeping into his voice. That's not funny at all.  
  
Harry sighed and pushed himself off his bed, standing up. I'm not kidding.  
  
... TBC!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N 2: Oh, no, too long again *sigh* Part three, Ron Weasley the amazing, Technicolor dream boat, soon. Have suggestions? Leave a review and tell me what you think should happen.   
  
I have a plan.  
We're not allowed to kill anyone.  
Okay. I have another plan.  
  
There's a plot in this somewhere, I'm sure. Really, there is!! Don't look at me like that! o_O I know, I know - what is wrong with me? *sigh* Oh, well, I dunno. But I wouldn't suggest brownies as a way to find out. ^_^  



	3. Chp. 3 - Dreamboat!Ron

Title: Harry Potter and the Special Brownies, part 3 - Ron Weasley, the Amazing, Technicolor Dream Boat. Go ahead and guess where the inspiration came from...  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Draco's ass, but I don't. The story is mine, the characters and setting are JKR's. I don't think anyone really owns brownies...  
Pairing(s): none really, but sorta Snape/multiple students (you'll see), and Harry/Draco - it's all in a dream, though...  
Feedback: YES YES YES!!! PLEASE!! (~but don't be mean...~)  
Author's Note: In honor of Ari, who tried special brownies once. Darn it, I wasn't there. I wonder if I should up the rating on this fic... hmm...  
  
Last chapter: Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville ate the brownies and Harry told them they were from Draco... still unanswered - why Draco apologized...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Seamus swore and Neville tossed his remaining bit of brownie in the garbage. The brownies were from Draco Malfoy?!  
  
We're going to die, Seamus stated. He's poisoned them, oh!  
  
Oh, shut up, Harry said. You're not going to die.  
  
Ron rounded on him. You didn't eat one, Harry.  
  
Harry started. he said, truthfully. I didn't.  
  
Seamus grabbed the container and forced it under Harry's nose. Take one.  
  
Harry looked affronted. I will not.  
  
Oh, yes you will, Ron said, standing up and rounding on Harry, encircling him with Seamus, Dean, and Neville. We all ate them. Now you eat one.  
  
Harry said, shocked.  
  
Do it, said Ron in a hard voice. You should've warned us. You owe us now. If we all die of poisoning, you're going with us. Now eat. Picking up a brownie, Ron shoved it at Harry. he ordered. Take it.  
  
Harry looked, astonished, at his roommates. You can't be serious.  
  
Oh, yes, said Dean. We are.  
  
Neville nodded fervently.  
  
Even you, Neville?  
  
Even me, Harry.  
  
Sighing, Harry picked up the brownie and took a bite. Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville all stood over him, staring at him intently, making sure that he ate it. The whole thing. said Seamus. And don't go throwing it up, now.  
  
That's a good idea, said Ron.  
  
Don't bother, said Dean. At lest if we die, Malfoy'll get expelled.  
  
And we'll be dead so we won't be able to throw it in his face, Ron pointed out.  
  
said Dean, feeling slightly stupid.   
  
Harry swallowed the last bite. Done, Harry? Neville asked, kindly smiling again now that Harry was in the same boat that they were. Harry nodded. said Ron. Serves you right, Harry.  
  
I know, I'm sorry.  
  
It's all right, Ron said, smiling. No harm done.  
  
None that we know of, Seamus said, pointedly.  
  
agreed Dean.  
  
said Neville.  
  
The boys stood back and allowed Harry room to breathe. They were good brownies, though, Neville said, patting his stomach. And since we've already eaten some... I mean, it can't hurt, can it? To have some more?  
  
Seamus and Dean exchanged a look. said Seamus. I suppose not...  
  
***  
  
_Half an hour later, Gryffindor 7'th year boys' dorm..._  
  
Ron was lying on his bed, still fully clothed, fast asleep. Neville was flipping through a book page by page, staring halfheartedly at he pages. Seamus was sprawled spread-eagle on top of Dean, who had lain down for a kip. Harry lay in his bed staring at the top of his canopy bed. The material, which usually looked burgundy, was beginning to swirl. Harry stared, transfixed by the changing, swirling colors. Blue became green became pink became orange became yellow and so forth and so on. Harry stared, almost unblinking. He was completely transfixed. Far out, he said to himself, hearing his voice echo in his mind. Trippy, man.  
  
Ron slept on undisturbed by Harry's loud revelations. If he hadn't been so high, he would have been completely weirded out by the things he saw in his mind. But then again, pot really messes some people up...  
  
***  
  
Ron's Dream...  
  
He was flying through the clouds without the aid of a broom or car. He was floating among the clouds, flying over Surrey when suddenly his father's old Ford Angelina came up behind him. Draco Malfoy was driving it.  
  
Ron said, surprised at hearing his own voice. That's my dad's car.  
  
Malfoy smirked. Is it? I hadn't noticed.  
  
Harry suddenly popped up from out of nowhere and, despite the fact that both Ron and Draco were moving forward, Harry seemed to be completely stationary. Harry sat there on a cloud, dressed in a toga and sandals, wearing a wreath upon his head. He had wings and reminded Ron very much of Cupid, except that he wasn't fat and lacked a bow and arrows.  
  
Harry. Where'd you come from?  
  
Harry smiled placidly. I just came from snogging Hermione.  
  
  
  
Oh, it's no big deal, Harry said, inspecting his nails and not really paying attention to Ron. We've been doing it for a while.  
  
So, Potter loves a mudblood, Draco drawled, smirking.  
  
Better than giving Snape blow jobs, Harry responded, not missing a beat.  
  
First of all, that's Crabbe, not me. I don't do that. And second of all, it is not worse than being with Granger.  
  
Harry seemed to consider this for a moment. I suppose you're right, he said, smiling genuinely at Draco. What about you? Care you give it a go?  
  
EXCUSE ME?! Ron interrupted. Harry and Draco both ignored them. The three of them floated past a pink elephant. Draco and Harry both remained nonplused.  
  
All right, hop in, Draco said, scooting over in the front seat of Ron's father's car and opening the door. Come on, let's go.  
  
Harry - Ron started.  
  
Let's go snog in the Astronomy Tower, Harry said excitedly, jumping into the car next to Draco. Well, what are you waiting for? Hop to it!  
  
Draco revved the engine. Whatever you say, Mr. Potter.  
  
Ron was yelling now, screaming Harry's name over and over again as Harry and Draco drove away in the flying car.   
  
The world swirled around him and suddenly he found himself in Potions Class, with Snape bearing down on him.  
  
Mr. Weasley - tell me, what is my favorite color? What are my night time habits? My likes? Dislikes? Which to I prefer, Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?  
  
Umm, what?  
  
One thousand points from Gryffindor! Snape bellowed, cackling madly. It's your own fault for not studying Weasley, MUA-HA-HA!  
  
Ron stared.  
  
My favorite color is pastel pink, my night time habits are private as far as you are concerned, my likes are evil things, my dislikes are you and Potter -  
  
Why thank you, Professor! Harry piped up from across the room.  
  
- You're welcome, Potter. It is the highest praise that I can give you, calling you an insufferable, spoiled little git.  
  
Harry smiled.  
  
And who do you prefer, Professor? Parvati Patil asked, sitting on Ron's right. Britney or Christina?  
  
Does anyone know? Snape asked. Ever hand in the classroom shot up except Ron's and Hermione's. Snape sneered at her. Ms. Granger!  
  
Hermione blushed. I don't know Professor.  
  
Ten points from Gryffindor and you owe me a blow job! Snape barked. Hermione looked sick.  
  
Ron stared, open-mouthed. The answer, Snape said in a smug tone. As all of my good students know, is neither. It was a trick question. Does anyone know the true answer?  
  
Neville's hand shot into the air. Teacher's pet, Draco muttered under his breath.  
  
Yes, Longbottom?  
  
Shakira. Cause her breats are small and humble. So don't confuse them with mountains.  
  
Correct! One hundred points to Gryffindor and come to my office after class.  
  
Blow job, Professor?  
  
Blow job, Longbottom.  
  
Neville looked eager to please. Hermione still looked sick.  
  
Ron stared as the scene around him swirled again and suddenly faded to black.  
  
Ron opened his eyes and sat up in his bed. He was seeing everything in red and green. Glancing over he saw Harry, lying in his bed, staring straight up in awe. Neville was chewing on the end of his thumb, absentmindedly, as he flipped the pages in his book, not even bothering to look at the pages. Dean was curled up in a ball, lying on his side, with Seamus right arm draped over him. Sighing, Ron got out of bed and headed for the door. He was hungry and Seamus had eaten the last brownie. Damn him, Ron cursed under his breath, opening the dorm room door and stepping out, forgetting to close it behind him as he headed down the stairs.  
  
Ron headed down to the common room, intent on nicking food from the kitchens. Unbeknownst to him, Parvati, Lavender, and Hermione were all sitting there, discussing him and the other boys. He was about to get the shock of his life.  
  
... TBC (again?? again, yes!)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N 2: Oooh. Next chapter, Ron will get the shock of his life. Social interactions between high as the sky!Ron and other people. Hmm... should be interesting. Oh, yes - and Happy Birthday, Surra! ^_^ This chapter is weird - my brain is fried from school, oh no! *sigh* Oh, well. Hopefully it'll be better and more funny next chapter. Only time will tell, though...


	4. Chp. 4 - Music, Magazines, Madness

Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 4: Music, magazines, and general madness  
Author's Note: Hmm, this chapter is mostly Dean, Seamus and Neville with a bit of eavesdropping!Ron. The shock of his life. Bah! Yea, right. Really just a minor revelation. This chapter is just a bit longer than the others. As always, please R&R!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dean awoke with the sensation of being smothered and felt something heavy on his chest. He quickly realized that the heavy thing on his chest was Seamus' arm. Ugh, Seamus, geroff, Dean said, shoving Seamus off him and, apparently, off the bed. Seamus landed on the floor with a dull thud. he said. Don't be mean, Dean. Mean... Dean... mean... hey! That rhymes! Seamus began giggling uncontrollably and Dean soon joined in.  
  
Hearing Seamus and Dean laughing woke Neville from his stupor and he looked over at them, smiling. Maybe we should sing, he suggested. Over summer break I was playing with my Gran's radio and tuned into a muggle radio station. There was this band called Outkast on, they're really cool.  
  
Dean looked over at Neville. You know who Outkast is? is asked incredulously.   
  
  
  
But... you're - you're white! And a wizard! A white wizard! Ha, ha, ha! Dean began laughing again and soon he, Seamus, and Neville were all lying on the floor in fits of giggles. breathed Dean.   
  
I like Craig David, too, Neville said enthusiastically.  
  
Well, yes. At least he's British. Outkast is American.  
  
Are they? Neville said, feeling confused. I thought they were Irish.  
  
No, no, no, Neville, Seamus said, piping up. I'm Irish. But I'm no outcast. I've got plenty of friends!  
  
Oh, yeah? Dean asked, sniggering. Like who?  
  
Like you, you git!  
  
Me? Oh, yeah, that's right. We are friends, aren't we?  
  
And me! Neville said, nodding his head a bit too much and giving himself a headache. I'm your friend too, Seamus!  
  
That you are! Seamus said. Hey... has anyone got any rum?  
  
Dean sniggered. You have, you git.  
  
Seamus looked confused. No I haven't.  
  
Yes, you have! Neville exclaimed cheerily. I've seen it!  
  
Rum? Ugh, no. Not me!  
  
Yes, you! Dean and Neville exclaimed in unison.  
  
Seamus said.  
  
Harry, still lying in his bed, blinked and sat up. You have got rum, Seamus. Ill show you. Though he felt quite light-headed, Harry got up and headed over to Seamus' bed. He kicked open Seamus' trunk, losing his balance in the process of having one leg lifted up for an extended period of time, and fell flat on his bum. Seamus and Dean sniggered and Neville rushed over and helped Harry to stand up.  
  
Help me find it, Neville, Harry said, digging through the contents of Seamus' trunk. Magnum condoms? he read, incredulously.  
  
Seamus smirked. Ludacris uses them.  
  
Who's - Harry started, but Dean shook his head. Don't ask, Harry.  
  
Harry shrugged it off, but soon discovered something far more interesting than condoms. He picked up the magazines and felt his jaw drop and cheeks turn a brilliant shade of red. he asked incredulously, staring at the witch on the cover, who was blushing profusely, playing coy, and winking and blowing kisses at Harry. You - you have Playwizard magazine?  
  
Seamus smirked. That's not all I've got, Harry. I've got Hot Broomsticks' he said, sniggering heartily at Harry, who remained staring at the magazine in his hand. It's something like a muggle car magazine - hot rods and half-naked women. Gotta love it.  
  
Harry quickly dropped the magazine back into Seamus' trunk. Right Seamus, he said, mind fixed on the mental image of what the cover witch had just shown him. You're a pervert and I think I need a cold shower.  
  
Dean, Neville, and Seamus all howled with laughter as a beet-red Harry headed toward to the bathroom, muttering to himself about how he had, never seen such a thing... honestly... she showed me her... oh, gods...  
  
  
***  
  
Ron stumbled down the stairs from the boys dorm room to the Gryffindor common room. Too many stairs, he muttered to himself. They should just put in one of those muggle exalators...  
  
Just then he heard the familiar sound of girls laughing. Giggling madly, to be exact. And then he heard the familiar voice of Parvati Patil and froze, hearing her words.  
  
Okay, now, Lavender, be honest. Who would you chose, Harry or Ron?  
  
Lavender squealed, blushing crimson. I can't answer that, Parvati!  
  
Oh, it's all right, Lavender, came his sister's voice. _What's Ginny doing with them?_ Go on.  
  
came Lavender's voice, positively sounding embarrassed. To be honest, I guess I'd have to say... Ron!  
  
Ron heard multiple squeals and giggling.  
  
So, Lavender, came the all-to-familiar voice of Hermione. I taken it you've finally forgiven Ron for that Uranus' crack back in fourth year?  
  
How did you know about that, Hermione? You weren't even there! came Lavender's voice, sounding scandalized.  
  
Ron could practically hear Hermione smirking. News travels fast at Hogwarts, Lavender.  
  
  
So what about you, Hermione? Ron or Harry?  
  
Ron stood at the top of the bend in the stairs, just out of sight, transfixed by what he heard. They were talking about him - him, of all people! And... it sounded as if... but they couldn't possibly... could they? It sounded as if they found him - well, attractive. But that couldn't be right... could it? Ron continued to listen.  
  
I'm not going to answer that, came Hermione, sounding huffy. Ron and Harry are my two best friends. I don't even see them that way.  
  
Sure you don't, came Parvati's disbelieving voice. Whatever you say, Hermione.  
  
I don't!  
  
came Ginny's voice, sounding highly amused. I could have sworn you told me something different once before -  
  
Shut up, Ginny! Hermione hissed.  
  
Lavender and Parvati cried in unison. Tell us, Ginny!  
  
Hermione's voice came, sounding slightly strangled. Don't. You promised...  
  
Ginny said. I did.  
  
said Parvati and Lavender. Please, Ginny, tell us.  
  
Sorry, nothing doing. I can't. I promised Hermione.  
  
Hermione let out a sigh of relief and smiled at Ginny. Thank you, Ginny. Ginny smiled back.  
  
So, Parvati, came Ginny's voice, sounding highly amused. Seamus or Dean?  
  
***  
  
Harry let the cold water from the tap run over his hands and washed his face. He toweled off the excess water, turned off the tap, and put his glasses back on, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He supposed that he still ought to talk to Hermione. He had managed to keep a small bit of brownie away from the others and he planned to ask Hermione to analyze it. Sighing he pushed himself away from the mirror and headed for the door. I'll ask Hermione to analyze it, he muttered to himself, exiting the bathroom. And then I'll find Ron. Wonder where he's got to, anyway...  
  
***  
  
Seamus and Dean were forcing Neville to look at the Playwizard magazines, laughing hysterically as he blushed and tried to look away. No, don't, he cried helplessly. My Gran'll kill me if she finds out I've looked at these!  
  
Seamus sniggered. Oh, I can just imagine, can't you Dean? She'd send you a howler! NEVILLE, I AM NOT RAISING A PERVERT! IF I FIND OUT YOU EVER LOOKED AT ANOTHER DIRTY MAGAZINE I WILL GIVE YOU SUCH A WHOMPING -' He broke off here, laughing hysterically. Neville groaned. Really, Seamus, she will.  
  
Dean flipped to the centerfold of the March edition of Seamus' Playwizard and let out an audible gasp, promptly dropping the magazine. Seamus! How can you even _look_ at that?!  
  
Seamus sniggered. he said, picking up the magazine. Like this. Dean rolled his eyes and Neville covered his face. I can't believe I - I mean, I've never - I mean I saw her - ah! Dean and Seamus both sniggered.  
  
Harry walked briskly through the room, heading for the door. I'm off to find Hermione and Ron, he announced, exiting the room.  
  
You know what I think, Seamus said slowly. I think... that we should go do something. I'm getting bored, looking at Playwizard - I can look at them any old time. Let's do something... productive.  
  
Dean gave Seamus a wry look. You don't mean -  
  
I do, Seamus said, getting serious. We're all out of our minds, and why? Because of who?  
  
Dean said.  
  
agreed Seamus. I say we go find Malfoy.  
  
Neville nodded fervently. Anything's better than looking at those magazines of yours, Seamus.  
  
Well, I don't know about that, Neville -  
  
Seamus? Malfoy, remember. You can argue about the magazines later.  
  
Seamus said, standing up so quickly that he saw sparkling blue and gold stars. He leaned against his bedpost for support for a moment, closing his eyes. Let's go find Malfoy... in a minute...  
  
Or two, said Neville, attempting to stand up and failing, falling back. Or three...  
  
Dean grunted and pushed himself up, using the bed for support. We'll have to make him pay, he said with conviction. For poisoning those brownies. Making us lose our bloody minds...  
  
Here, here! Seamus said from his position on the floor, reaching into his trunk and pulling out a flask of rum. Oh. Looks as if I have got rum, after all.  
  
***  
  
Ron stood listening intently to the girls talk about who they found attractive. Ron was surprised to hear that the girls rather liked him.  
  
Harry's loud, booming voice interrupted his concentration ad he whirled around on the stairs to face Harry.  
  
he yelled, losing his balance. He reached out and grabbed Harry who, in turn, lost his balance, and the two of them went tumbling down the remaining stairs, landing in a heap of tangled limbs at the base of the stairs.  
  
Parvati yelled. Ron! Harry! Explain yourselves!  
  
Ron grunted as Harry shoved him off. I wasn't. I mean, not on purpose...  
  
Harry straightened himself up and swayed slightly on the spot. Hermione, so glad I've found you. I was just on my way to find you when I noticed Ron standing at the top of the stairs listening to your conversation -  
  
said Ron angrily.  
  
- I need to ask you a question.  
  
Hermione stood, too shocked to move for a moment before exclaiming, Honestly! Boys! and storming up the stairs, pushing past Ron and Harry to get to the girls dorm. Ginny, Parvati, and Lavender followed, all of them giving Ron and Harry dirty looks.   
  
But - I didn't! I wasn't - I would never! I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR ANYTHING! Harry yelled, exasperated. Oh, for Merlin's sake!  
  
Ron grumbled.  
  
Oh, shut up, Ron, said Harry.  
  
A loud yell came from the top of the stairs and Seamus, Dean, and Neville all landed in a heap at Harry and Ron's feet.  
  
said Seamus.  
  
Little help? said Dean.  
  
Oooh, my head, said Neville.  
  
Harry and Ron bent down and helped their friends sort themselves out.  
  
said Harry, once they were all standing. Where are you all off to?  
  
We're going to find Malfoy, Seamus said.  
  
And hurt him, said Dean.  
  
Hurt him? squeaked Neville.  
  
Hurt him, Seamus said with conviction.  
  
Sounds like a good plan to me! Ron said enthusiastically.  
  
Let's go then, said Dean.  
  
said Ron.  
  
said Seamus.  
  
said Neville.  
  
All right, I guess, said Harry, still unconvinced that they could even find Malfoy, let alone do him any damage in their current state. Let's go then.  
  
Seamus, Dean, Neville, Harry, and Ron all headed out the portrait and into the hall. Let's try the dungeons, Ron suggested. That'll be a good place to start looking for Malfoy.  
  
said Seamus, turning to go.  
  
Uh, Seamus?  
  
Yeah, Harry?  
  
The dungeons are this way, Harry said, gesturing in the direction opposite of where Seamus had been heading.   
  
Oh, right. Right, of course. Ha, ha. Well - well, let's go then.  
  
The five boys headed to the dungeons, looking for Malfoy and completely unsure of what they would do when and if they found him. Harry sighed to himself. he said. Is going to take a while.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N 2: Hmm... I dunno if it's as funny as the previous chapters. Bah! Well, I hope for more comedy next chapter. The boys go to find Malfoy. Dur. Oh, yes, and dedicated to SURRA who's 16'th birthday is fast approaching and encouraged me to write more. And to everyone who has reviewed so far!! I love you!!! Please review more! ^_^ I'm happy - Malfoy makes his grand (re)appearance next chapter. Oh, yay! Malfoy. Hee hee hee...


	5. Chp. 5 - Snake Bites

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies**  
**Chapter 5:** Snake Bites  
**Author:** Chibi White Ferret (e-mail chibiwhiteferret@aol.com)  
**Rating:** this chapter, PG-13 for cursing! and betrayal and Pansy bashing, too hee hee hee! :P  
**Pairings:** heh, if I tell you it will ruin it but there is a bit of snogging between Slytherins... (it's het, just so yas knows). Ugh, het _ LOL! ^_^  
**Spoilers:** first four HP books and the first four chapters of this fic, obviously...  
**A/N:** It's almost Valentine's Day. *barf* Romance, ugh. Of course, I'm only saying that because I have no one to share the day with... well... except my mom... *sigh* Woe is me, how sad! *sigh* Oooh, well... ooh, yes. And in this chapter we have emergence of actual PLOT. And some Pansy bashing. I don't like her. Sorry if you do...  
**Dedications:** Surra (who actually reads my crap, aww) and Ruby (Sorcerer's Brownies?? I'm still thinking about that one...). And to all the people in the Yahoo!Groups PoU, Veelas Inc., and HP_fanfiction. ^_^  
**Thanks to:** EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED!!!! I love all of you for encouraging me! ^_^   
**Last chapter: **The boys looked at nudie magazines and talked, Ron spied on the Gryffindor girls, and Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville left Gryffindor Tower to hunt down Malfoy and hurt him. Ha. Oh, please - to be my normal Valley Girl (ha! me? ya right, puh-lease, whatever!) self, I will quote Clueless: As if. Get real. What can pot head!Seamus do? Nothing. Same goes for Ron, Dean, and Neville. Harry, I dunno. We'll see, I guess.... *sniggers for some odd, unexplained reason*  
  
**_**_**_This chapter is back in time a bit to show you what DRACO has been up to. All right? So it starts where chapter one is - when Draco gives Harry the brownies, at 5:00 PM. Oh, Chibi is so bad! She has not been keeping good track of time. Hmm. I think... that it is almost dinner time now (now meaning when the Gryffindor boys set out to find Malfoy). Does that make sense? I hope so! Anyway, read on... oh, oh, oh!! And you should know - I made Blaise Zabini a boy. I want a boy Blaise to be Draco's friend, cuz Crabbe and Goyle are... well... Crabbe and Goyle. Heh. ^_^_  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
**_  
5:00 PM_**  
  
Draco handed Harry the brownies, smacked his back, smirked, and back to the dungeons. He could feel Harry's eyes surveying his retreating his back with suspicion and as he turned the bend in the hallway he called out behind him.  
  
Have fun, Potter!  
  
Draco was grinning from ear to ear as he practically skipped down the hall, heading back towards the Slytherin common room. He was so giddy that he failed to notice the other smirking Slytherin watching him from the shadows.  
  
In a good mood, Draco?  
  
Draco immediately stopped prancing and turned on his usual, superior smirk and drawling voice. Well, hello Zabini. Pleasant day, hmm?  
  
Did you do it? Blaise asked in his usual, direct manner.  
  
Draco quirked a single eyebrow at Blaise's forwardness.   
  
said Blaise, now smirking along with Draco. Potter will be acting like a complete nutter very soon.  
  
What - _exactly_ - did you put in those brownies, Blaise?  
  
Blaise's grin widened. Why, Draco, I'm shocked. Suggesting an ulterior motive - me? Never! Blaise said in his most unctuous I-am-pretending-to-be-innocent voice. I should think that you ought to know better than to presume such things, Draco.  
  
Both of Draco's eyebrows were both raised so high that they were in danger of jumping off his forehead now. Really, Blaise, he drawled. Tell me already, will you. This brilliant plan of yours to get Potter expelled and all...  
  
Blaise smiled serenely. You'll see, Dray. You'll see. But in the meantime, feel like a game of Wizard's Chess?  
  
Draco replied, none too enthusiastically.  
  
Draco and Blaise headed toward the Slytherin common room, both wearing identical looks of smug superiority...  
  
***  
  
**_2 hours (of boring nothingness) later, at 7:15 PM, Slytherin 7'th year boys dorm_**  
  
Draco exclaimed, crumpling his piece of parchment into a ball and throwing it across the room where it hit Goyle on the back of the head. Goyle didn't notice. Draco heaved a great sigh and looked at the clock. Blaise had been gone for over half an hour to work on the Potter Project, as his plan had been dubbed. And Draco still had no idea what brownies could possibly have to do with getting Harry Potter expelled. It was infuriating, frustrating not knowing what was happening. _Blaise should be back by now..._  
  
Draco grabbed a new scroll of parchment and started to write his third draft of his Advanced Transfiguration essay on what animal he would turn into and why if he were to become an animagus. The topic was easy enough, but McGonagall was always such a mean old bat. _Two rolls of parchment! That stupid old -_   
  
Hey, Draco?  
  
Draco looked up from his parchment at Crabbe.   
  
Did you finish your Potions essay yet?  
  
  
  
What did you do yours on?  
  
Sleeping draughts, Vincent. Why?  
  
Oh. Just wondering.  
  
Draco Malfoy always called Crabbe and Goyle by their surnames in public, but when they were in the dorm, he preferred to use their first names. It was just more personal that way. More like a friend than a lackie. That was what everyone thought anyway, wasn't it? But no, Crabbe and Goyle really weren't as dumb as people thought they were, though they were not - by any means at all - the brightest crayons in the box. It was true that Slytherins tended to form alliances in place of normal friendships, but with most of them as the children of Death Eaters, they were bonded in a common brotherhood. They had, over the last six and a half years, bonded enough to be considered friends. Despite how it all appeared to the other three Houses.  
  
Draco sighed and pushed himself off his bed, stretching leisurely. I'm going for a walk, he stated.  
  
Want us to come along? Goyle grunted.  
  
No thank you, Greg.  
  
  
  
Draco exited the dorm room and headed down to the Slytherin common room. Bet Zabini's just lurking around down there. Lazy bum, never likes to go up stairs, Draco muttered to himself.  
  
Oooh, Blaise.  
  
Draco froze at his place at the base of the stairs. _Was that - Blaise? And - no, it couldn't be - could it...?  
_  
  
  
The two entangles figures in the chair in front of the fire sprung apart. _And yes, it was. But why...  
_  
  
  
Erm, Draco...  
  
Draco sputtered. Blaise - Pansy - you two - you're not - oh, gods - really - oh, honestly! The two of you?! It was rare for Draco Malfoy to lose his cool and it only happened in very rare circumstances. This was one of them.  
  
Pansy was blushing and looking shameful. Blaise had a serious look on his face. Draco, you don't mind, do you?  
  
Draco had no problem admitting that he felt absolutely nothing but shock and, yes, a little repulsion at the though of Pansy as a sexual being. But he wasn't mad, no. He and Pansy had dated for five months during their fifth year. _But he never really liked her. And why would he? Pug-faced bitch.   
  
_You're not upset? Pansy asked, uncertainty creeping onto her voice.  
  
Draco frowned. Whatever for, Pansy?  
  
Well - well, I mean, us. You and me. I mean - I thought - well, we were - and you haven't been with anyone since we broke up -  
  
Draco gave a derisive snort. Oh, please. As if I ever cared about you.  
  
Pansy scowled. That's not what you said -  
  
Draco said in an icy tone, cutting her words off. Anything at all about me having any sort of emotion other than disgust and antipathy for you, any whatsoever, was only so you would keep giving me blow jobs under the desk in Potions.  
  
Pansy started. Wha- Draco -  
  
Blaise raised an eyebrow but remained otherwise silent. It was quite obvious what he was after if he was going out with Pansy. _The little whore..._  
  
Pansy sputtered. Blaise, say something!  
  
And what, said Blaise in a tone as icy as Draco's. Would you have me say, exactly?  
  
You're supposed to defend my honor! Some boyfriend you are!  
  
Both Blaise and Draco sniggered. Pansy looked furious. she demanded. What is so funny?  
  
Oh, he was never your boyfriend, Draco said in a confident voice. Blaise nodded his assent. He was using you. Just like I did. Slut.  
  
Pansy's eyes were as wide as saucers. A_s if everyone in school didn't already call her the Slytherin whore...  
_  
How dare you -  
  
Blaise interrupted with absolute disregard for her feelings. Be a dear on fuck off. Draco and I have business to attend.  
  
Draco sneered at her as she took off, storming up the stairs to the girls dorm. They heard the door slam shut from far away.  
  
Draco said, turning back to Blaise. Pansy, eh?  
  
Don't ask, said Blaise, smirking. You already know, anyway.  
  
said Draco. But there is still one thing you haven't told me, Blaise...  
  
And that is?  
  
Your Potter Plan.  
  
Yes. That. Blaise sniggered. You're sure you want to know?  
  
I'm sure.  
  
All right, I'll tell you. The brownies. That's the plan.  
  
Draco stared at Blaise, nonplused. You're still not explaining - he started, but was cut off by Blaise.  
  
Those are no ordinary brownies, Draco.  
  
Draco snorted. Well, that much was obvious.  
  
Actually, you'll be surprised to hear, that what I did to them was no wizarding method. It was purely muggle. Blaise said the word muggle' like a curse word.  
  
And what, he demanded. Could muggles come up with that would get Potter expelled?  
  
Blaise smirked. Pot. The brownies. They're... special brownies. There's marijuana in them.  
  
Draco stared at Blaise for a moment. he said. You put drugs. In BROWNIES?!  
  
Blaise shrugged. Yeah, so what?  
  
SO I GAVE THE BLOODY BROWNIES TO POTTER!!  
  
  
  
And he can trace them back to me!  
  
  
  
AND?! AND I COULD GET EXPELLED, THAT'S WHAT, BLAISE!  
  
Blaise smirked. And I would care... why?  
  
Draco was, for once in his life, at a loss for words. You're supposed to be my friend, Blaise, he said in a cold, hard voice.  
  
You forget, Draco, Blaise said in a superior tone. Slytherins don't make friends. And with that, Blaise turned and swept off, setting out of the Slytherin common room.  
  
Draco stood staring for a moment. he cursed under his breath. Never turn your back on a serpent, it will always bite you in the arse.  
  
~*~*~*~*~~*~  
  
A/N 2: Okay, so we see the emergence of a plot. I was not planning it but it just sort of happened, lol. Please tell me what you think!! Feedback, por favor!! Now, I *know* that this chapter was not even, like, 1/2 as funny as the first four. *sigh* I'm sorry, but I had to at least *try* and establish a plot. I promise, more PWP high!Harry and company next chapter. Don't leeaavveee me! PLEASE?? More comedy in chapter six, I promise. Sooo - Blaise is a bitch (well, really, he's an arse). Blaise sold out Draco. I *hope* that's clear. Blaise's plan was to get Harry high. I don't actually *know* but I would think that Hogwarts might have a no-drugs policy. I'm pretty much betting on it. Blaise screwed Draco over cuz Harry can tell the headmaster where he got the drugs from - that's why Blaise gave Draco the brownies to give to Harry. So they couldn't be traced back to him. Smart-but-very-mean!Blaise. I think he'll have to get bitch slapped... anyway, please review - I wanna know what you think!! Please?? Okay!! ^_^


	6. Chp. 6 - We’re off to see the Wizard (Ma...

**HARRY POTTER AND THE SPECIAL BROWNIES  
Chapter 6:** We're off to see the Wizard (Malfoy)  
**Author's Note: **My special thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far (mostly in order)...  
  
**- Alchemine** - my first review, and I read Sugar Quill Maneuvers - hee, hee, Sirius IS a dog and _McGonagall_, ooh lol ^_^  
**- loverwren** - reviewed three times!! Harry didn't burn them cuz he's a trusting git not that trusting, though, notice he didn't eat them till he was forced to...  
**- elf** - not a hero!harry fic, so he won't be loved for getting high, lol  
**- Eric** - thanks for the info, I think I might've heard it before...  
**- hpfan12** - "I will not stop, I repeat, I will not stop!" lolio, kick-arse reviewer ^_^ I love enthusiastic reviewers  
**- Narcissa Malfoy** - I will write more, I'm glad you love it ^_^ *grin*  
**- Dark-Angel-Star** - thanks for the review, and wow your fic really was short lol ^_^  
**- CrystalStarGuardian** - I am being original?? Cool! "Hilarious," oh, really *blush*. (You have 16 fics up?? Goddamn, I'm gonna read them!! A fellow H/D slasher, oh I love you!) - and you like Matt/Davis??? Wow, I never even thought of that... hmm... and yes, Pansy should get bitch-slapped. ^_^ I made Blaise a boy to be friends with Draco and, well... obviously he's not a very good friend. Bitch-slap Blaise, too. _  
**- Lavender** - happy you liked it, and no it has nothing to do with the Weasley twins, though i do love them - and the answer to how draco got the brownies is it chapter 5 ^_^ - oh yes, and i love draco too! *grin* That cutie...  
**- lise** - i liked the pun and maybe a bit... well, i am anyway... heh ^_^  
**- moon** - "AWEESOMMEEEE! Oooh, I love you! Not acting stoned enough? Hmm... actually, I was just thinking about this the other day and I agree. hey should sit in the common room and listen to pink floyd, drink lots of water, and have really bad short term memory loss and giggle a lot lol ...hmm. Pink Floyd? Really? I'm still thinking about this... ^_^ Giggling for sure, though...  
**- Lija** - thanks for reviewing, heh. I'm still trying to think of a way to include some sort of food-related horniness... ^_^  
**  
**Now, on to the fic!!! ^_^ More high!Gryffindors, yay. **  
**  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
7:20 PM  
  
Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville sat in the hallway, feeling lethargic and doing nothing. They had barely got ten meters before they had to stop, Seamus complaining of dehydration.   
  
Sod it, Seamus said. We can get Malfoy after dinner.  
  
When is dinner? Neville asked, stomach grumbling.  
  
Umm, soon, Seamus said.  
  
Harry sighed. I'm not sure that we should go to dinner.  
  
Seamus stared disbelievingly at Harry. We can't _not_ go, Harry.  
  
Maybe we can get Hermione and the other girls to bring us back food, Harry suggested, hopefully.  
  
They're not speaking to us, Ron said shortly.  
  
said Harry.  
  
said Ron.  
  
said Harry. So... what are you we going to do then?  
  
We're going to go to dinner, Seamus said. I'm bloody hungry.  
  
You ate three brownies! Harry yelled.  
  
Oh, please, Harry. That was hours ago.  
  
Wha - you just had one right before we left! Remember, you washed it down with rum... Dean said.  
  
Seamus asked, sounding genuinely confused. I haven't got any rum, Dean. Don't be a git.  
  
Yes you have, said Dean.  
  
No, I - Seamus started but was interrupted by Harry's outburst, Oh, not this again!  
  
Seamus blinked, then giggled. You sounded like my mum when you said that!  
  
Harry looked scandalized. I did not sound like anyone's mum.  
  
You do if I say you do.  
  
Oh, whatever, Harry said, rolling his eyes. I won't argue with you, Seamus.  
  
Because you know I'm right, Seamus said smugly.  
  
What? Oh, please, Seamus, don't be daft.  
  
You said you weren't going to argue with me, mum...  
  
Don't call me mum!  
  
Oh, yeah? Seamus challenged, raising an eyebrow. And what are you going to do about it, mum? Hit me over the head with a frying pan, I suspect.  
  
Dean sniggered. Oh, I can just see it now. Harry wearing a flowery apron -  
  
- cooking, cleaning house - Seamus added.  
  
- Listening to S Club 7, said Neville enthusiastically.  
  
Dean blanched. he said, disbelieving. You don't like them, Neville. You couldn't possibly...  
  
Neville seemed to think for a moment. I suppose not, except for that One in a Million' song. I much prefer N Sync, actually...  
  
Seamus giggled. Oh, yes, he said in his best imitation of Parvati Patil. Because Justin is just sooooo hot!  
  
said Dean. JC is so much better than prissy-arse Justin Timberlake.  
  
I don't care for muggle bands, said Ron, adding as an afterthought, Except the Beatles. I like them, and my mum insists that Ringo was a wizard. I'm not so sure.  
  
We all live in a yellow submarine - Harry sung.  
  
A WHAT?! the other four boys yelled, attempting to jump up and not being able to.  
  
A YELLOW SUBMARINE! Harry yelled, as though they were daft.  
  
A WHAT?! Ron yelled, five seconds before Seamus yelled, and two seconds after Dean yelled, A yellow submarine, you git! Neville looked confused.   
  
What's a submarine? Neville asked.  
  
said Seamus.  
  
Who cares? said Ron.   
  
It's a woat that goes under bater. Boat. Water. Oh, hell, said Dean.  
  
said Seamus. He paused. Then, Oh. Okay.  
  
I'll take muggle inventions for 500, Alex, said Harry. Dean sniggered. Ah, Jeopardy - the stuff of champions, Harry said.  
  
said Dean, ignoring Seamus, Neville, and Ron's blank stares. Wheel of Fortune is so much better. And that Vanna White, what a fox.  
  
said Harry. She's old!  
  
So is McGonagall, Dean pointed out.  
  
said Harry.  
  
Seamus sniggered. Oh, come on, Harry. Everyone's had the dreams, it's all right.  
  
Harry stared at him. What dreams?  
  
Oh, you know, Dean said in a casual, conversational tone. The ones about Professor McGonagall -  
  
- running naked through a field during the summer time, said Seamus.  
  
- Or covered in whipped cream, Ron added with a slight shudder. Harry wasn't sure if Ron had shuddered because the thought disgusted him or turned him on, but he suspected some odd combination of both.  
  
I never had those dreams, Harry said.  
  
Neither did I, said Neville. Mine all had her wearing black leather and holding a whip. And I think there was a gag involved, but I can't be sure...  
  
Dean sniggered. Ron giggled. Oh, really, Neville, he said coyly with a playful slap on Neville's shoulder. You're such a _bad boy_...  
  
Neville blushed. Well I was just being honest...  
  
Better than Harry, Seamus remarked, giving Harry a wink. Come on, Harry, tell us the truth. You've _never_ had a dream involving McGonagall and waken up, having to ask the house elves to change your sheets...  
  
Harry looked shocked. Well - no!  
  
Ron snorted. Harry turned on him. What is it, Ron? he demanded.  
  
Oooh, Professor, Ron moaned, immitating horny!Harry. Let me put my wand up your -  
  
Harry exclaimed angrily, jumping up. Feeling dizzy he quickly sat down. I never -  
  
Oh, don't lie, Harry, said Ron confidently. My bed is right next to yours. I hear you at night, you know. Besides, who would it besides McGonagall? Unless it was Snape...  
  
Ron suddenly looked disturbed (remembering his dream, no doubt). Seamus snorted. said Harry. Neville became suddenly very interested in his shoelace.  
  
Neville was blushing, averting his gaze. Dean, Seamus, Ron, and Harry all turned to stare at him. Oh, Neville, said Ron in a piteous voice. You - you haven't. Snape? Oh, really. That's a mental image I _don't_ need...  
  
Wow, Nev, said Seamus, smothering a snigger. You're so _kinky_.  
  
said Neville, looking up. I am not, Seamus!  
  
Kinky Neville, said Dean, sniggering. That'll make the Daily Prophet', that will.  
  
Neville looked suddenly afraid. Oh, Gran would be so upset...  
  
Speaking of your Gran. Neville, said Seamus, voice alight with amusement. She's pretty sexy, you know...  
  
said Neville.  
  
said Ron and Harry in unison.  
  
Why am I not surprised, said Dean. You'll screw anything if it stands still long enough...  
  
Hear, hear! cried Seamus cheerily, pulling out his rum. Oh, look. I have got rum. Harry rolled his eyes.  
  
Speaking of Seamus as a sexual being, Ron said, turning to Seamus. Hermione told me that your name is written in the one of the girls toilets with an inscription undrneath it.  
  
said Seamus, obviously interested. And what did it say?  
  
Ron sniggered. 'Looking for a good time? Call the Gryffindor slut, Seamus-fuckalicious-Finnigan.'  
  
Dean giggled. Oh, Seamus, he said through laughs. That's so true.  
  
Hear, hear! said Seamus, raising the rum above his head, then taking a large gulp. You can call me a slut, but I call it lucky. I'd rather gets lots than not get any at all, Dean.  
  
Dean frowned. And what did you mean by that?  
  
I didn't mean a thing, Dean, Seamus said with a snigger. Nothing at all.  
  
The why'd you say it like that?  
  
said Seamus slowly, drawing out his words. All I'm saying is... well, it's pretty much common knowledge that Neville's Gran gets more action than you do.  
  
Dean scowled and Neville muttered something unintelligible. At least I don't have to give Snape blow jobs in order to pass Potions, Dean replied sarcastically.  
  
Seamus looked surprised. How did you know about that?!  
  
Ron exclaimed, covering his ears. I didn't need to know that, Seamus!  
  
Seamus, honestly! I knew your standards were low, but I didn't think they were non-existent, Dean said looking scandalized.  
  
Snape's dead sexy, you know. Rather... gifted, as well.  
  
Ron made a gargling noise in the back of his throat. Harry stared at Seamus in disbelief.  
  
said Seamus in a defensive voice. It's not as if I'm the only one who thinks Snape is attractive. He turned to Neville and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Am I, Neville?   
  
moaned Neville. Really, I don't...  
  
Oh, come on, said Seamus coyly. Don't tell me you all have never wondered... I could tell you exactly how big his -  
  
Harry, Ron, Dean, and Neville all yelled at once.  
  
Seamus smirked. All right, all right, he said, grinning at Harry. Keep your knickers on, mum. Dean snorted. Harry scowled.  
  
Seamus waved a hand dismisively. I wasn't being serious about Snape, anyway.  
  
I should hope not, said Dean. That's bloody disgusting.  
  
Of course not, Seamus said, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. Besides, Sibyll would be mad at me...  
  
Sibyll... PROFESSOR TRELAWNEY?!?! EURGH, SEAMUS! Harry yelled.  
  
Ron gaged. Then, to everyone's amazement, Neville piped up. I bet McGonagall looks better in leather.  
  
Ron, Harry, Seamus, and Dean all stared at each other for a second before bursting out in fits of giggles.  
  
Once the laughing had subsided, Harry looked at his watch (a working one). he said thoughtfully. I suppose we ought to head down to dinner now. What do you all say?  
  
Hmm? Oh, yes. Right. I _am_ hungry, said Ron.  
  
Bloody famished, Seamus piped up, standing up on unstable legs.  
  
Dean's stomach gurgled.  
  
Hey, Neville? Seamus asked, helping Neville to his feet.  
  
Yeah, Seamus?  
  
Do you think - do you think that if I owled her, your Gran might...  
  
Neville gasped. Seamus! She's - she's my grandmother!  
  
Seamus asked, nonplused. Neville stared at Seamus in mortification.  
  
I don't think you're her type, he said, stiffly.  
  
Oh, too bad, said Seamus. Just tell her if she's ever looking for a good time...  
  
said Ron, patting his stomach. Let's go then, shall we?  
  
said Harry. Yes, I think that's best.  
  
Seamus looked a bit disappointed but was quickly back to his usual self when Dean engaged him in a conversation about the witch on the cover of the July edition of Playwizard. Harry felt antsy in anticipation of reaching the Great Hall. Surely the other students would notice their... odd behavior. Harry sighed as he and the other boys struggled down the stairs, Neville landing in the trick step. Dinner would certainly be interesting...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
**A/N 2:** TBC!!!! Well, dur. It's always TBC. Thanks for reading, please review (more! haha). Next chapter (wow, seven chapters already! sheesh!) we'll have dinner in the Great Hall. Hee hee hee. Social interactions with others. Oooh, bad feeling about this. *grin* Should be fun. Please review, and if you have suggestions feel free and tell me in the review or e-mail me, chibiwhiteferret@aol.com!! Okies? Thanks for reading, I love everyone who reads and reviews!! ^_^ Next chapter should be up soon. 2/12/02 (Still not Valentine's Day? Sheesh). Oh, my sweet pajamas! Sheesh, this was a bit long, wasn't it? Hmmm, review and tell me what you think, will you?? Believe it or not, I actually work at this. LOL. ^_^


	7. Chp. 7 - Blaise Screwed Me Over and All ...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 7 -** Blaise Screwed Me Over and All I Got was This Lousy Banana?! ((hee hee hee))  
**A/N:** Hmmmm. Well. Ooh, 26 reviews! Oh, I feel special. *smirk* Really, I do. I felt inspired before but now I feel I've lost it. Aww, darn. Hmm, hopefully it will come back. You know, I don't really have a muse. I hope I don't need one... anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed!! The reviews have gotten consistently more positive and cool and everything and OMG!!! I love you!! Anyone who reads this and doesn't think, This sucks. Really. Love you!! So much!! Anyway, today is (finally) Surra's 16'th birthday. Yay for her. And hi to Lija if she actually gets this far. Har-har-har. She only read chapter one. Sheesh. Some friend... *mutter* Anyway!! This chapter is dinner in the GREAT HALL. Hee hee. Snape will be there... and McGonagall... although, probably not in leather... *snigger* Neville. Ah, he's so unique! ^_^  
**Thanks to (the new reviewers) -  
**- _In the name of reading_** -** sick yet disturbingly funny Really?? *curious* Why am I sick, though? _ I'm not sick!! Glad you liked it, though.**  
- **_MistWalker_ - Woooooowwww!! *does the happy dance* You laughed a lot!! I guess I can actually do humor. *grin* Oh, I'm happy now!**  
- **_eiknlng_ - Really? It's interesting? How cool... but I dunno how Malfoy could trick them into SMOKING weed... I'll think on it, though!! ^_^**  
- **_CrystalStarGuardian_ - ROFL!! They scare you?! OMG!! Wow, really! I guess if I think about it, Matt/Davis might be pretty cool. I always wanted TK/Kari, though. And I think you're kawaii!! Oh, yay! Bitch-slap Blaise, you say? I'll see what I can do, but Chibi makes no promises...**  
- **_loverwren_ - One of my new, constant reviewers. I love you!! *kisses and hugs* And I sniggered, too. Hee, hee. But I do have to ask myself: if Harry's mum... who's dad?? *quirks eyebrow* Anyone have any suggestions? I'd love to hear them...**  
- **_zombie-miho_ - You were really gonna pass out? Wow. *amazed* And I agree about Snape. But... disgusting and hilarious is the best combination. Hee hee. I rock? Really?! *kisses zombie's feet* Ooooh! Really. How cool are you? Flattery, gotta love it. ^_^;;  
**Warnings -   
**Ooooh! A warning?! Bah, not a real one. I must warn you of singing!Snape. Hee hee. I'll tell you more at the end of the chapter - I don't wanna give _everything_ away... oh, yes. And - obviously - more high!boys. Ooh, yes. And... there is... very strongly implied (innuendo), umm... well. A ship. Oh!! It squicks me out!! *freaks out* I cannot believe I wrote that!! I can't tell you, it's a surprise. It's het (if slash squicks you, don't worry) and it's between... adults. That's all I'm saying!! *purses lips* I'll be very interested in hearing what you all think. Hee hee. *monumental grin* You'll see... *bounces up and down* Oh, really. It is just so unexpected - and I'm the author!! o_O So weird. Oh, yeah. And *ahem* well... there's something slightly... perverted. Concerning Draco. It's not with a person though... or his hand, aahh! That's not it! But... it might squick you. JUST SO YOU KNOW!! There's sexual stuff in here - not sex, but lots and lots of innuendo. I was just fukkering around with innuendo tonight. I do not know what is wrong with me... *sigh* I'm sorry. But I really thought it was FUNNY!!! ^_^;; Heh.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Professor Severus Snape sat at the teacher's table in the Great Hall drumming his fingers on the table and humming under his breath. _Lucky that my lips not only mumble/ They spill kisses like a fountain/ Lucky that my breasts are small and humble/ So you don't confuse them with mountains_...  
  
  
  
..._Le do le le le le, Le do le le le le / At your feet / I'm at your feet_...  
  
Poke.   
  
_Whenever, wherever / We're meant to be together _- what? Oh, I'm sorry, Minerva. A bit distracted. What is it you wanted?  
  
Minerva McGonagall smiled indulgently at the sexy, greasy-haired slime ball of a man sitting next to her. Pass the mashed potatoes.  
  
Snape blinked. He handed her the bowl of mashed potatoes.  
  
You know, Severus, she said, lowering her voice so that only she and he could hear. Speaking of food, I was thinking... after dinner...  
  
Snape gave her a lopsided grin. And what would be your food of choice, sex kitten?  
  
  
  
Snape quirked an eyebrow. Jell-O, Minerva? Honestly?  
  
Ooh, yes, she said, her hand resting on his thigh under the table. It's just so... jiggly. And soft. Pliant. Wet.  
  
You've got me convinced, Snape said immediately.  
  
It cultivates the mind, body, and the soul, said McGonagall, giggling slightly as Snape's long, clawed fingers traced spiral patterns on her inner thigh. And we must always cultivate the soul.  
  
Oh, I much prefer concentrating on the body, Snape said, putting his hand somewhere that made McGonagall say,   
  
Dumbledore stood and the Great Hall immediately fell silent. Yum, yum, here's to the grub! he said in a loud, boisterous voice that echoed throughout the Hall.   
  
Hear, hear! called the students, the platters immediately being filled with food which they began shoveling onto their plates or, in the case of Crabbe and Goyle, directly into their mouths.  
  
Draco gave them a disgusted look and glanced over at the Gryffindor table for the umpteenth time. Where the fuck is Potter? he murmured under his breath. Just then the doors to the Great Hall opened and in (though really isn't the right word...) in to the Great Hall. Really, they tripped, stumbled, and slouched their way over, all tittering and giggling madly. The students looked up but seemed not to take too much interest.  
  
Draco watched with interest. _Potter's not the only one who ate those brownies,_ he though, watching as Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus, and Dean all took their seats at the Gryffindor table. _I shouldn't have given him the whole batch... damn, Blaise. I ought to bitch-slap that boy..._  
  
Draco shot a death glare over at Blaise, who smirked back. Draco's gaze shifted over to Pansy, who was purposefully ignoring them both. Draco rolled his eyes. _Mental note: get Vincent and Gregory to hurt Pansy and Blaise both...  
_  
Draco focused his attention back on the food in front of him, pushing the food around on his plate. He wasn't really in the mood to eat. He suddenly noticed the fruit bowl sitting in front of him. _Odd,_ he thought. _We don't usually have fruit with dinner...  
_  
Draco reached over one elegant hand and plucked a banana out of the bowl, delicately peeling it. He looked up and noticed Harry looking at him from across the room. _What's that stupid prat looking at anyway?_ Draco thought, taking the length of the soft, warm banana into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tip. ...  
  
***  
  
Over at the Gryffindor table, the rest of the Gryffindors were giving Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville highly suspect looks. Seamus kept trying to get the food in his mouth but missed and ended up with food all over his face. Dean kept swirling his spaghetti on his fork, raising it to eye level, and letting it drop back onto his plate. Neville was shoveling food into his mouth, as much as he possibly could fit. Harry had a headache and kept closing his eyes and opening them again, squinting. The swirling colors were really getting to him.  
  
Why can't anything stay still? Ron muttered, holding his head and swaying slightly in his seat. Oh, my head. Harry grunted in response.  
  
Hermione was giving Harry and Ron very strange looks but said nothing. I'm not on speaking terms with them, I am not speaking to them..., she muttered under her breath. I don't care what's wrong, I will not ask...  
  
Parvati and Lavender stared unabashed at Seamus who had suddenly burst out in a fit of giggles for no apparent reason.  
  
Ron said, staring at his own hand as he slowly moved it back and forth in front of his face.  
  
Harry groaned. He felt like shit. He tore his glance away from Ron's glowing, blue hand at looked around the Great Hall. And then he spotted Malfoy...  
  
...TBC!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
**A/N 2:** MUA-HA-HA!!! I am sooooo evil!! Snape/McGonagall?? Oh, I really squick myself out sometimes. *shudder* Tracing patterns on her thigh. Eewww!!! I know some people like sexy!Snape - but I'm not one of them. *shudder* I'm so squicked right now. I was just like, Hmm. What would be funny? Oh. And something McGonagall said was a quotation from TENCHI!! Ho-ho-ho! Grandpa. *cough* But anyway!! Heh. *grin* It's so sick. I can't get over it. Sexual!Snape. Yech! Bleargh! *retches* Okay, I'm j/k now. It's not _that_ gross - but not... kosher. Oh, yeah. And... *snort* The banana thing is partly due to Lija. We talked about it yesterday. She's pretty good at perverted brainstorming... umm. And - you do realize what has happened, right?   
1) McGonagall and Snape are f-u-c-k-i-n-g  
2) Draco gave the banana a blow job (Oh, really! I'm so bad! Sorry!)  
3) Harry watched Draco suckle the banana.... No comment on that. See, I told you at the very beginning drugs and slash, the best combo. Heh. I'm not SAYING that there will be slash FOR SURE. It really depends on what you say. See, here's my major-ass dilemma. If I put in slash, I'll get people saying, Oh, no. You ruined it. If I don't, I dunno. OPINIONS ARE VITAL. What you say will greatly influence helluv stuff - actually, the entire story. Hee hee. The fate of the world is in your hands, young Skywalker. Aww, darn. Where'd I put my light saber...?  
  
::sigh:: I really am evil, I'm sorry. But now I'm calling on you - the reader - to help me out. What should I do next?? Chibi needs feedback, please and thank you (*cough* Sister Karen...). What was I gonna say?? Oh, yeah - any and all suggestions welcomed. Blaise will get his comeuppance, I promise, but don't expect it in the next chapter. I hope I don't hafta split this in two stories, cuz that would kinda suck. Like 2 versions - slash and non-slash. Hmm... *has headache* Oooh, my brain is leaking out my ears! _ And yes, I know how very short this chapter is but I obviously need to know how you all feel about the banana thing. *snigger* Believe it or not, it's important. x_X ((My head really does hurt...)) *sniff* I know I'm awful for ending it like that. So sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. If you hate this chapter I can change it. My brain is fried from school, not brownies, I swear! Oh, and happy V-Day. Ha. Ha. Ha. REVIEW!!!!! Please, I implore you!! ^_^


	8. Chp. 8 - Banana Sex (Eye Candy)

**~*~*~ Harry Potter and the Special Brownies ~*~*~  
Chapter 8 - **Banana Sex**  
Rating** - PG-13 overall (I shouldn't bump up the rating, should I??), this chapter maybe NC-15 (???). Heh. It's a bit racy. Tons of innuendo and sexual stuff. And slash - so if it squicks you, hit the back button now... oh, yeah. And there's foul language. Heh. But that's really a given for me...  
**Pairings:  
Notes/ Thanks: **Aww, crap. It's late Thursday and I only have about 45 minutes to type this so I dunno if I will get it up tonight. Eh, hehe. Today was weird, but then again, all my days are, in a way. Heh, lol. *ahem* Anyway, I have 38 reviews now!! *does the happy dance* Whoooo!! Now, to people who have (thus far) reviewed chapter seven...  
-_ bobcat:_ strange, eh? hmm, maybe. strange in a good way, heh, kinda sounds like what my friend Courtney said about _me_ the other day... hmm...  
- _Carolanne O'Rourke:_ Goddamn, you wrote a lot!!!! Hee hee hee. That's kawaii (cool, right?). Heh. What's with the combo of slash and Japanese words, anyway... *cough* But anyway!! I definitely liked your ideas, heee hee. *snigger* Oooh, they're good.  
- _Midnight Draconis:_ LMAO!!! Your life story??? Hee hee hee. I don't smoke, so I wouldn't know what it's like, heh. Yes, that's right - I've never used drugs and I am writing a drug fic. *snort* I know, it's strange. *sigh* Oh, well. Strange, hey hey - that's me!! ^_^;; And I have thought about the high!Draco thing...  
- _CrystalStarGuardian:_ since I have decided (based on what YOU PEOPLE SAID) to make this story slash... YES, HARRY WANTED TO BE THE BANANA!!! MUA-HA-HA!! And I agree - I said it before, too - McGonagall/Snape freaks me out!! But I wrote it, so hey...  
- _the true earth sayajin:_ You like DBZ?? I love DBZ, hee hee, so I like the SN. But no, it's not Ryoko. It's Grandpa in that beef bowl episode where Ugami is hijacked. Heh heh. And lol - stoned all the time you say?? Have any suggestions for how high!Gryffindors might act, then??  
-_ Maggie_: I'm thinking that is ?? If so, I love you!! ::sigh:: I do. McGonagall/ Trelawney?? Hmm. I'll think about it, but Trelawney likes a good time and I don't think she would cheat on Seamus... hee hee hee...  
- _eiknlng:_ Sybill likes Seamus!!! The father? *shudder* That's almost as bad as McGonagall/ Snape, oh really... heh...  
- _isis:_ Well, thanks, you know - I do try! ^_^  
-_ Hestia:_ Voldemort? Hmm. I wasn't planning on it, but I dunno. Maybe he can make an appearance. Hee hee. That would be funny. Pissed drunk Voldie... *snigger*... and Neville doesn't need help! He's perfect just the way he is, LOL!! ^_^ Seamus might need help, though...  
- _Zany:_ Great work??? Ooooooooohhhh!!! o_O You _sure _you haven't been smokin' them brownies? Ok, wait, no... that's not right... heh!! LOL!! You don't SMOKE BROWNIES!!! Ooooh, really. My brain. *cough* Anywaaaaayyy... the opinions of fellow H/D slashers are, of course, important. Humor and plot, ah yes... my little enigma brownie fic...  
- _loverwren_: *snigger* I do agree, oh so much. I love H/D, ::sigh:: ...  
  
Oh, gosh!! That took a lotta room. *ahem* Anyway, due to an overwhelming positive, pro-slash response (which I am absolutely thrilled about, btw) I will put in HARRY/ DRACO SLASH!!! WHOO!!! ::cheers:: I'm so happy. *cough* Oh, oh - and I forgot. The song Snape was singing in chapter seven was Shakira. *snigger* And I think perhaps I _am_ sick... hmm. Oh, ya and (I know, and and and) In have a three day weekend. Which means that at my current rate I should be able to crank out a few chapters over the weekend! *Harlem shakin'* Well. So. Where did I end chapter seven?? Something about a banana... ? ...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
_Draco reached over one elegant hand and plucked a banana out of the bowl, delicately peeling it. He looked up and noticed Harry looking at him from across the room. //What's that stupid prat looking at anyway?// Draco thought, taking the length of the soft, warm banana into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tip. ...  
  
Harry groaned. He felt like shit. He tore his glance away from Ron's glowing, blue hand and looked around the Great Hall. And then he spotted Malfoy..._  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Draco let out a low moan, tracing patterns with his tongue against the bananas soft, moist surface. Draco lapped up the delicious taste. Harry stared at him from across the room, salivating. Harry was hungry. That banana looked great. _So does that Malfoy...  
_  
Harry groaned. Draco slowly pulled the banana out of his mouth so that only the tip remained, then plunged the entire length into his warm, pink mouth. Harry became suddenly and fully aware of something pressing into his thigh. He looked down and saw his growing bulge. _Oh, fuck..._  
  
Draco was fully aware that Harry was watching him. _Let him watch._ Draco suddenly and violently brought Harry out of his reverie by biting the banana in half. Harry winced and squirmed in his seat. _Ouch..._  
  
Draco smirked seeing the series of emotions on Harry's face. _It's about damn time he looked at me. It seems like I'm always the one who stares...  
_  
Draco swallowed the piece of banana he had bitten off and began chewing the remaining banana. He looked up at Harry, who had finally turned his attention away from Draco and was instead delighting in licking pudding off his fingers. Harry sucked his thumb clean, then suckled his index finger. Looking up, he saw Draco watching him from across the room.  
  
Harry's inhibitions gone, he slowly finished with his index finger and, instead, licked his middle finger. He slowly pushed his middle finger into his mouth, then, pulling it out, let his tongue flick out (in full view of the entire Great Hall!) and licked it. Across the room, Draco shuddered. He felt a warm, throbbing sensation under his robes. _Oh, fuck me..._  
  
Draco shot out of his seat suddenly, startling Crabbe and Goyle on either side of him. Draco - wha - Draco rushed out of the Great Hall as if his robes were on fire. What the hell...? Crabbe said. Goyle shrugged.  
  
Harry had winked. _He fucking winked at me!_ Draco thought as he shot out of his seat and raced out of the Great Hall. _What does that mean?_  
  
Harry was startled when he winked at Draco. Whatever reaction he had been expecting, it had not been this, Draco's gray eyes had widened in shock, then he had shot out of his seat faster than he would have if Crabbe had touched his bum. Harry watched from the Gryffindor table as Draco raced out of the Great Hall. _Oh, fuck,_ Harry thought. _I've got the munchies and I'm fuckin' hungry for Malfoy dipped in chocolate...and whipped cream...  
_  
Harry stood up, head and groin both throbbing slightly, gave a hurried goodbye to his friends, and rushed over to the exit, stumbling slightly on the hem of his robes. Harry exited the Great Hall and looked around. The swirling colors and constant motion of should-be stationary objects had momentarily subsided. Harry quickly looked right, then left, then right again. He stopped, holding his head in his hands. He was getting another headache. he moaned.  
  
Harry heard a sudden crash from down the corridor to his right. He quickly turned in that direction and rushed toward the sound of grumbling and cursing. _Malfoy... Draco..._  
  
Draco had been rushing and hadn't entirely been paying attention to where he was going. He quickly rounded the hall and walked into something very solid. There was a loud crash as the suit of armor he had stepped into fell to the ground. Fucking piece of shit, too loud...  
  
Draco stood up and straightened himself out. He quickly dusted his robes off and slicked back his hair. Harry always seemed to have an intoxicating affect on him. _Oh, fuck... drunk on Potter... hell...  
_  
Harry surged forward, thinking of the way Draco had possessed the banana in every sense. He wanted to see something else in that beautiful mouth of Draco's. And though it may have resembled a banana, it was definitely attached to Harry's body, and throbbing like mad. Harry rounded the corner and saw Draco standing over a fallen suit of armor, looking down at it disdainfully.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
... TBC!!! Shit!!! I hafta get off the computer and I will feel crappy if I don't get this up tonight. So yes, I am ending it like that. MUA-HA-HA!!! I am evil, oh yes, I am. But really - crap!! Ugh!! Please review!! More comedy to ensue, I promise. There you all go - you got your slash. BE HAPPY!! ^_^ More to come... maybe even snogging... *shivers with anticipation* More soon, I promise!! REVIEW!! PLEASE!! ^_^ Suggestions, comments... whatever. Banana sex, I love it...


	9. Chp. 9 - The Kiss

**HP&SB  
Chapter 9: **The Kiss  
**Special Thanks: **Everyone who has read and reviewed, especially to everyone for being so patient. This chapter took so long to come out, I'm sorry. I've been busy and all the computer problems and all, you know. But it's here, finally. I know – it's about damn time. *sigh* Sorry for the delay. Here, take this - @------ I wrote this Sunday, tried to upload it Monday and now it's Tuesday. I'm on a different computer now – grr, it had better work this time!!   
**Warnings: **Slash. Yep. That's right. It's finally here. The slash. See the title if you're wondering ^_^ Oh, I'm so happy. It's finally here. Let me have some of that popcorn, okay? *grins* Hee hee hee. I'm supposed to be writing an essay write now. Mua-ha-ha. My muse finally hit me. And by next weekend I should be back to my old pace of cranking out chapters back to back. It'll be great. ^_^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Draco?"  
  
Draco froze. _Oh, no_. Straightening up, he turned to face Harry Potter, his usual sneer in place. "And when, Potter, did you begin addressing me by my first name?"  
  
Harry took a cautious step forward. "You don't mind, do you?"  
  
Draco started. He had not been expecting Harry to act so strangely. "No," he drawled. "I suppose I don't mind, er, Harry."  
  
Harry felt a warm wave of affection toward hearing Draco use his first name. Harry opened his mouth to speak but, quickly realizing that he had no idea what to say, closed it again. Draco stared at him.  
  
"Did you want something Potter?" he asked without a trace of superiority in his voice.  
  
"Yes," Harry breathed, too quietly for Draco to hear.  
  
Draco frowned. "I'm sorry, Potter – er, Harry. I couldn't hear you. What is it that you wanted?"  
  
Harry took another step forward, determined. "Do you really want to know?"  
  
Draco was taken slightly aback as Harry bared down on him. "I suppose I wouldn't mind knowing," he said, doing his best to sound nonchalant about it.  
  
"Well," Harry said slowly, continuing to approach the other boy. "I guess I could tell you what I want. But I'm really not sure how you're going to react"  
  
"Try me," Draco said dryly.  
  
"I want you," Harry said, sounding sure as he came to a stop in front of Draco. "You're what I want."  
  
Draco gasped, eyes widening. "What did you say? You can't be serious, Potter. Harry. I mean you don't even know what you're saying."  
  
"I do know what I'm saying, Draco," Harry said stepping even closer to Draco so that their robes brushed up against each others. "And I know what I want."  
  
Draco stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide in horror. _He couldn't possibly he doesn't there's no way  
  
_Draco licked his lips nervously, out of habit. "Listen, Potter – Harry," he said, making up his mind to tell Harry the truth. "Those brownies, they – they weren't normal."  
  
"I knew that much."  
  
"Well, er, Blaise – he gave them to me, you know, but he didn't tell me what was in them until after I gave them to you."  
  
"So what was in them?"  
  
Draco paused. "Marijuana."  
  
Harry frowned. "Pot? Hmm well, I suppose that explains a few things."  
  
Draco stared at Harry in disbelief. "Aren't you mad?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
Draco blinked. "You do realize that everything you're doing is because you're high."  
  
"No," Harry said. "I wanted you before I ate those brownies."  
  
Draco's jaw dropped. "WHAT?!"  
  
Harry smiled. "Well, yes. I suppose I've liked you for a while, you know. You're just such a git sometimes, I never found the right time to tell you."  
  
"And you think that NOW is the right time to tell me?!"  
  
Harry shrugged. "I don't see why now's the _wrong_ time"  
  
"I knew that drugs made people high, but I didn't know they made you lose your mind completely."  
  
"I haven't lost my mind," Harry said, frowning. "It just frees a persons inhibitions."  
  
"Well, maybe that's not a good thing, Potter."  
  
"Harry," Harry reminded him. "We're using each other's first names now, remember?"  
  
"Right. Harry."  
  
Harry cocked his head to one side and looked at Draco inquiringly.   
  
"What?" Draco demanded.  
  
"I was just wondering what it would be like to kiss you," Harry said, completely unabashed. Draco actually had the decency to blush.  
  
"W-what?" he stammered, losing his cool for the first time in a long while. "You're not serious."  
  
"I am serious. I already told you I want you."  
  
Draco opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything Harry attacked him. Harry jumped forward, shoving Draco up against the wall, his hands on Draco's shoulders, pinning him there. Harry licked his lips hungrily. "I really am sorry, Draco," he said, leaning in closer to the other boy. "I just couldn't wait any longer." And with that Harry covered Draco's mouth with his own.  
  
Draco was too shocked to say or do anything, but his body seemed to automatically respond to Harry's kiss. Draco opened his mouth, inviting Harry to deepen the kiss. Harry's lips glided over Draco's and he playfully bit Draco's bottom lip. "Mmm," they both moaned simultaneously. Harry's tongue slipped between the other boy's lips and Draco's own tongue responded with equal force, entangling itself with Harry's.  
  
_What am I doing?_ Draco asked himself mentally, kissing Harry with a long hidden passion he had not been fully aware of. _And do I even care? But  
  
No. No, this is wrong. This is Potter. Harry fucking Potter. I can't do this. I want to but but no. I can't._ Draco pushed Harry away suddenly, so hard that Harry gasped and fell back on his bum.  
  
"Ow," Harry said, looking up at the boy he had just been kissing. "Draco, what did you do that for?"  
  
Draco shook his head silently. "No, Harry. Potter. We can't – it's not right – I can't – I'm sorry," he stammered, turning and fleeing. Harry sat on the floor and stared in disbelief as Draco ran away. "What just happened?" he wondered aloud.  
  
_I know what just happened_, a little voice in Harry's head piped up. _You kissed Draco. And he kissed you back. Then he freaked out and ran away. That's what just happened.  
  
_Harry groaned and pushed himself up off the floor. _So what do I do now?  
  
_~*~*~*~~*~  
  
TBC. I'm mean, aren't I? Ending it like that. They kiss and then Draco runs away. Who knew that special brownies were an aphrodisiac? Hee hee hee. ^_^ Suggestions, comments, questions, whatever all are welcome. Please review, as always. I love reviews! Ha, ha. I really am evil I'm sorry. But that was so slashy. It's so great. There will be more Harry/Draco, I'm sure. You'll just have to wait and see what happens.   



	10. Chp. 10 - Revelations and Hovering Anima...

Title: Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Part: 10/?  
Rating/ Warning: This chapter is rated G cuz there's really nothing bad...  
Thanks To: Everyone who has reviewed and anyone for actually reading my fic. You're awesome and amazing, really, you are... Hestia (Draco *is* being a wimp, you're right, but he has an actual reason. And thanks!); Chablis Jameson (wow, thanks! ^_^); Penguin (kick arse pen name, first of all, and second dangling from the banana tree. *sniggers* That's so cute!); CrystalStarGuardian (yeah, I *am* evil! mua-ha-ha! I want cupcakes...); to lazy to sighn in (funny and weird? hmm. well, i'll try); loverwren (chocolate and wipped cream!draco my mouth waters at the very though... yummy!); hpfan12 (don't worry - I'll finish writing this fic if it kills me!); Purple Leprechauns (man, some of you people have the weirdest pen names, lol! cool, though. And I LOVE your suggestion. It actually gave me another idea, hee hee. And maybe I *will* use your idea, it's so good. Stoned kitty, mua-ha-ha!).  
Author's Note: My computer problems are no more, oh yay. This is chapter 10, oh really. Sheesh. How very odd. Hmm. This chapter is dedicated to Lija cuz she just had her third surgery since December. Poor girl. _ Oh, yeah, and to the Veelas. You know who you are. Stoat me, hee hee hee. *sniggers* Anyway, on to the fic...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Draco fled down the dimly lit corridor which lead to the Slytherin common room. Draco shouted the password (Kill the lions!) and quickly stepped into the common room and ran to his room, taking the stairs two at a time. Draco unceremoniously flopped down on his bed and buried his face in the sheets. Damn, damn, damn! he cursed, his words slightly muffled by the bed covers. He sighed and rolled over onto his back.   
  
Sitting up on his bed, Draco began to stew over how he had lost control of the situation completely. His plan to get Harry expelled had backfired. Draco groaned. _Oh, please. Please don't let this get any worse...  
  
The whole point of getting Harry - Potter - expelled was so that this *wouldn't* happen. If Potter wasn't here then there would be no problem at all. I can be attracted to him as long as he doesn't feel the same way. But now he does. Oh, I am so screwed...  
  
My father. My father and the Dark Lord, this is all because of them. If my father finds out that I kissed him... he'll exploit it. Even if he didn't want to, he would for Voldemort. It's his responsibility as a follower of the Dark Lord to inform him of anything that could be useful in hurting Harry. And if he knew how Harry felt about me... he would use me. They would use me. And I *can't* hurt Harry. I just... can't.  
  
_Draco sighed again and pushed himself off the bed. If he stayed in his room he would just keep obsessing over that kiss. _The way his lips felt against mine... No! I can't think about that right now. Ack! _Draco left his room again. _I need to take a walk to clear my head..._  
  
***  
  
I wonder why Harry left in such a hurry, Neville pondered aloud as he, Ron, Dean, and Seamus headed back to Gryffindor tower, thoroughly stuffed full of food.  
  
Eh, who cares? said Seamus lazily.   
  
Dean grabbed Seamus by the arm and directed his walking. You need to stop walking into walls, Seamus. People might think there's something wrong with you.  
  
Well there is something wrong with him, said Ron. He's Seamus.  
  
Seamus gave Ron a dirty look, but Dean began to speak before Seamus could say anything nasty. You know, I wonder where Harry is. He should be done with whatever he was doing by now...  
  
Maybe he went to meet a girl, Seamus said, sniggering. Although I doubt that.  
  
Ron looked mildly offended. Hey, there are plenty of girls who like Harry -  
  
No, no, that's not what I meant, Seamus interrupted. What I mean was, if Harry ever went off to meet someone, it wouldn't be a girl...  
  
Ron frowned. Who would he kiss then? Snape? Ugh.  
  
Seamus shrugged nonchalantly. I dunno, I suppose if Snape were his type. But I think he rather fancies someone else...  
  
Ron stopped. Wait. If he doesn't like girls, then... no. No. No way. He's not. Seamus, he's not.  
  
Seamus quirked an eyebrow. You sure about that, Ron?  
  
Ron scrunched his face up in a look of utter disgust. I'm sure. Harry likes girls. Not... not... guys. Ugh. No, Seamus. I'm his best friend, all right? I know. I would know. And he's not.  
  
Dean said. You know, I have suspected for a while that Harry was the type that liked to drive on the other side of the road.  
  
Both sides of the road, Seamus corrected.  
  
That's right, said Neville. He did like Cho Chang before, didn't he?  
  
Yeah, but I always thought Cho was a bit masculine, Seamus said, sniggering slightly.   
  
Ron frowned. You're all crazy. Harry is NOT gay. He does not like guys.  
  
Fine, not gay, Seamus agreed. Bi, then.  
  
said Ron.  
  
So how did you find out, then, Seamus? Neville asked, genuinely curious.  
  
Seamus sniggered so hard at this that he fell over and began rolling around on the ground, holding his stomach. The corners of Dean's mouth twitched. Dean started, clearing his throat. I do believe that he, erm... well that is to say, um... well. Dean coughed. It just sort of... came out one time last year and he told Seamus.  
  
Ron frowned. Why would he tell Seamus before he told me?  
  
Seamus immediately stopped laughing. Well, you know Ron, you're a bit... closed-minded about some things and -  
  
I am NOT closed minded! Ron interrupted, placing his hands on his hips and very much resembling his mother.  
  
Well, when we just told you that Harry might be gay you weren't exactly OPEN minded about it, Ron Dean pointed out.  
  
Ron stiffened. Whatever, Dean.  
  
RIBBIT!  
  
The boys all paused. Did you hear something? Neville questioned. I'm not sure, Dean said slowly.  
  
CROAK! POP!  
  
What the... Seamus said. Neville suddenly let out a high pitched scream. he yelled, pointing upward. Oh my gods, look! It's _Trevor_!  
  
Ron, Seamus, and Dean all looked up to where Neville's finger was pointed, fifteen feet above their heads. There, floating in the air above them, was Trevor the toad. And he was...   
  
Seamus stated. He's floating. And he's _pink_. He doesn't usually do that, Neville.  
  
Neville moaned.   
  
POP!  
  
And now he's blue, Dean said. That's... odd.  
  
Ron let out a sudden gasp which drew the other boys' attentions from Trevor back to him. Seamus frowned. Ron, what's wrong?  
  
The brownies! he yelled. The brownies! Trevor ate the _brownies_!   
  
Neville's eyes went wide in horror. Oh, no! he yelled. Toads aren't supposed to eat chocolate!  
  
Yeah, and I don't think they're supposed have drugs, either, Seamus said, the corners of his mouth twitching upward into a smile. Dean and Ron both shot him dirty looks.  
  
Neville wailed again. No, really, he moaned. It's BAD for them! Chocolate reawakens the magical powers which normally lay dormant deep within them! He'll be floating for a week at least!  
  
Seamus stared at Neville. Toads have magical properties?  
  
Dean gave Seamus a critical look. Do you EVER pay attention in Potions?  
  
Seamus turned to Dean and grinned. Do I give Snape blow jobs in order to pass his class?  
  
Ron made a face. Dean quirked an eyebrow. I sincerely hope the answer is _no_, Seamus.  
  
Seamus wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Maybe I do and maybe I don't... Ron looked like he might be sick.  
  
You have to help me, Neville wailed. We have to get him_ down_!  
  
Don't worry, Dean said in his most reassuring voice, patting Neville on the back. We'll help you, Neville. We just have to figure out how to get him down.  
  
Why don't you just use magic, Thomas? came a sarcastic drawl from behind them. The boys turned and looked to see Draco leaning against a nearby wall in a relaxed fashion. Honestly, I know your parents are muggles but even a mudblood should be able to think of using magic.  
  
Seamus started toward Draco but had only taken two steps forward when a second voice piped up from the direction which Draco was facing.   
  
Don't be such an arse, _Draco,_ came the voice of Harry Potter as he stepped out of the shadows and came up to stand next to his friends, arms crossed in a defiant manner. People might not like you if you act like a complete prat all of the time.  
  
Draco sneered in response and, saying nothing, turned and walked away.   
  
Wow, Harry, thanks for telling Malfoy off but... Neville started but did not finish his sentence as Harry walked past him and followed Draco down the hallway.  
  
Ron objected. Where are you going?!  
  
I'll see you later, Harry called, rushing off to catch up with Draco. _I've got to talk to him..._   
  
Dean scratched his head as Harry rounded the corner and could no longer be seen. I wonder what's got into him.  
  
I think I know, Seamus stated, matter-of-factly.  
  
Ron gave him a quizzical look. What do you mean, Seamus?  
  
I told you he fancied someone...  
  
Ron's eyes went wide in horror. he said in a scared voice, backing away from Seamus and into a wall, shaking his head. No, no, no. No! NO! Seamus! No! Not him. Not him, not him, not him! Nooooooo!  
  
Seamus nodded. I'm afraid so, he said in a serious tone. Harry fancies... Draco Malfoy. Neville gasped. Dean gave Seamus a highly suspect look. Ron swallowed hard. Ron said, voice pleading. Oh, please, gods, no...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC. So. Now the boys know that Harry likes Draco. They just don't know that Harry and Draco kissed. Heh. But trust me... I think they're gonna find out. Please review as always, I appreciate all your comments. ^_^ Next chapter should be out soon. Well, I mean I hope it will. You never really know. Flying toads, hee hee hee. *sniggers* Hope you liked it. You'll just have to wait till next chapter to see what happens. I'm so fukkered, I know. Sorry. *pause* Well, actually not really. Evil!Chibi, mua-ha-ha! More soon, no worries. ^_^;;


	11. Chp. 11 - Blaise Gets Bitch Slapped (Fin...

HP&SB, chapter 11: Blaise Gets Bitch Slapped  
Rating: PG-13 (Oooh, more cursing)  
Warning(s): Slash and cursing (if you haven't figured it out already...)  
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Phew. *wipes sweat from brow* I was afraid that maybe everyone had stopped reading but then I checked this afternoon - 55 reviews, holy cow! ^_^ I am just sooooo incredibly happy! Soo...  
- Hippy Flower: glad you like it, and I will definitely write more!! ^_^  
- CrystalStarGuardian: one of my favorite reviewers. *smirk* Draco's not a wuss, really, he was just scared and that's why he ran away. But maybe he won't run away next time.... and Trevor just ate the crumbs, I'm sure he'll be okay... eventually...  
- coriander: heck yeah, I'll e-mail you to tell you when the next chapter is up! ^_^ And thanks for reviewing!  
- browneyes: hee hee hee hee hee! Thanks a bunch. ^_^;;  
- Pythia: all I can say is, LOL. That's just like Harry. So naive, poor boy... and I like the little story, hee hee.   
- anoneemoose: I promise you that there will be more, so don't worry about it. ^_~  
- loverwren: another of my fave reviewers, hee hee. Oh, goodie, popcorn! *munches happily* And you're right *snigger* Harry iiiissss going to do... something... hee hee hee...  
- Hestia: another fave reviewer, hee hee hee. ^_^ Yes, I do tend to write rather quickly when I don't have writer's block. Thanks, and the Snape blow job thing amuses me too. *snigger* Ron will get over it, I don't wanna write arse hole!Ron in my fic, plenty of people have done that.  
  
Last chapter: Everyone found out that Harry was gay, Harry ran off after Draco, and Trevor was high - in more than one sense (*snigger*). Oh, yeah, and we found out a bit about Draco's motivations, blah blah. Draco likes Harry but he can't do anything about it because he's afraid of what his father and Voldemort will do. But he looooves him! Hee hee hee. ^_^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry called to Draco's retreating back. Draco quickened his pace. Harry objected, breaking into a run to catch up to Draco. Harry reached out and grabbed Draco's arm. Draco spun around.  
  
What do you want, Potter? Draco hissed angrily, jerking his arm out of Harry's grasp.  
  
Don't run away from me, Draco! Harry yelled.  
  
Stop calling me that! Draco yelled back.  
  
You didn't mind me calling you Draco when we were ki-  
  
Shut up! Draco yelled. Just shut the fuck up!  
  
Harry yelled. Why are you doing this?! You kiss me then you run away, and now you won't even talk to me?! What the hell is wrong with you??  
  
Draco hissed. There is nothing wrong with me, and I did NOT kiss you, Potter, you kissed me, not the other way around! And why the hell _did_ you kiss me? What is _your_ problem?!  
  
Harry cried, exasperated. Fine, you're right and I'm wrong - I kissed you. I admit it. And I already told you why I did it, Draco, I like you. I told you how I felt and you ran away! And I - I think I might be in love with you.  
  
Draco was, for the first time in his life, speechless. He stared in awe at Harry, who was blushing profusely. What did you say? Draco whispered.  
  
I said I think I might be in love with you, Harry mumbled, bowing his head so he wouldn't have to look at Draco. You heard me.  
  
You're mental, Draco stated. A complete nutter.  
  
Harry looked up at Draco and smiled sheepishly. That much, he said. Is completely obvious, since only a nutter would like you.  
  
Draco actually smiled. I beg to differ, Potter. Plenty of people like me.  
  
Harry quirked an eyebrow.  
  
Oh, shut up, Draco said. He sighed and looked around to make sure they were alone. I suppose... we ought to talk about things, right?  
  
Harry smiled. I can think of things I like doing better than talking.  
  
Draco started. Why Potter, he said, surprised. I never thought you would be so...  
  
Harry offered.  
  
Draco said. But I suppose your word works, too.  
  
I think it's all rather sweet, a cold voice said from the shadows. Draco and Harry both spun around to see Blaise Zabini step out from the shadows next to a suit of armor. Well, well, well. Who would have known? Draco Malfoy is a flaming fag.  
  
Draco growled. What the fuck do you want?  
  
Blaise smirked. I suppose the plan to get Potter expelled is no longer standing?  
  
Harry blinked. You were... going to try to get me expelled? he asked Draco, pouting slightly and looking very much like a small child. Were you really?  
  
Draco frowned at Harry but turned to Blaise instead. How long have you been standing there, Blaise? he demanded in a gruff voice.  
  
Long enough, Blaise said, wiping the superior smirk from his face and replacing it with a scowl. And now I'm wondering what I should do with such an interesting bit of information. Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter and in love. It's s_weet_. Blaise said sweet' as if it were a swear word.  
  
Draco glowered at him. Harry frowned. You wouldn't tell anyone would you, Blaise? he asked, genuine and naive.  
  
Blaise snorted. Why would I want to keep this to myself, Potter? The students have a right to know...  
  
Go to hell, Blaise, Draco snapped.  
  
I'll see you there, Blaise retorted, not missing a beat.  
  
Harry frowned. he started but Blaise cut him off.  
  
I'll cut you a deal, Malfoy, he said in an unctuous, untrustworthy voice. I won't tell anyone about you and Potter if you do me a favor.  
  
Draco quirked an eyebrow. And what would you have me do?  
  
Blaise smirked. Go to Dumbledore and admit that you gave Potter the brownies.  
  
Draco stiffened. If I tell Dumbledore that I gave Harry drugs he'll have me expelled.  
  
That's your problem, Blaise snapped. But if you don't tell him the truth, I will, and the entire school will know that you and Potter are lovers.  
  
Harry exclaimed. Draco and I never even -  
  
Oh, shut up, Potter, Blaise exclaimed. Details, details. I can tell them whatever I want, whether it's true or not.  
  
Draco narrowed his eyes into slits and glared at Blaise. Don't tell him to shut up.  
  
Blaise sniggered. Isn't that sweet, standing up for your little boyfriend. I'll tell you what, Draco, why don't you just go somewhere and -  
  
SMACK!  
  
Blaise gasped, Draco gaped, and Harry frowned down at Blaise, who he had just bitch slapped straight across the face.   
  
Harry said in a threatening, low voice. Ever threaten him. Don't you dare.  
  
H - Harry, Draco sputtered. I can't believe you just bitch slapped Blaise!  
  
Blaise straightened up, holding his hand to his cheek. His eyes were dark and menacing. he spat. You little bastard! How dare you -  
  
Draco yelled, pointing his wand at Blaise. Blaise screamed as boils sprung up across his face. You bastard! Blaise yelled.  
  
Fuck off, you arse! Draco yelled in return as Blaise turned and ran down the hall. Stupid prat, Draco grumbled under his breath.  
  
So what are we going to do now? Harry asked, concerned.   
  
Draco sighed. I honestly have no idea, Potter.  
  
Harry gave Draco an impish grin. Well, as long as the secret's out... I can think of a few things we could do...  
  
Draco smirked. And what exactly did you have in mind, Harry?  
  
Harry's grin broadened. You'll see.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC, as aaaalways!! :P Sorry, but apparently I must be off the computer in like 2 minutes soo... that's all for chapter 11. Expect the next chapter soon. Please review, as always. I think (I dunno) that next chapter will be more of the Gryffindor boys and Trevor. *snigger* Anyways, more soon, bye! ^_^


	12. Chp. 12 - Four High Gryffindor Boys and ...

**HP & SB  
Chapter 12: **Four High Gryffindor Boys and One High As Hell Toadie.**  
Rating/ Warnings: **You should know by now, slash, drug use, and cursing... and floating toads... *Snigger*  
**Author's Note:** I. Am. So. Fukkered. Up. Right. Now. ... *sigh* Don't ask, all I know is that my brain is sooo messed up right now. I just wrote THE weirdest fic where my friend and I are secret agents and I'm sleeping with Draco Malfoy. Well. *snigger* The Draco thing I rather liked but... *shakes head* No, no, no! Harry + Draco = Love. I can't have him. _ I apologize and cannot accept responsibility for anything I say or do while in my altered state And no. I did NOT have any brownies. So don't ask.  
**Thanks To: **Everyone who has reviewed any of the chapters so far, and especially to those of you who KEEP reviewing, and the new reviewers, too. Heh. Guess what?? 64 reviews, wow. *stares in disbelief* It's just so... so... great!! *wipes tear from eye* I feel so special. Soo, special thanks to the new reviews from... _Shinigami (I dunno what Blaise will do yet - got any ideas? And Harry and Draco already snogged once, as for the shagging... I've no idea...), whitebearwrites (I love Blaise to death, but not in this fic - he's such an arse. Harry had to bitch slap him, sorry), Mythical Vampyre (LOL, yes he got bitch slapped, and what's with the cheese thing...?), Hestia (I couldn't agree with you more - he did totally deserve it, the prat!), SoulSister (you like anime? I love anime! Esp. Cardcaptor Sakura, *snigger* and LOL, thanks for reviewing, glad you liked it), Hippy Flower (*snigger, snigger snigger* Oh, yeeaaahhh! Harry needed to slap Blaise ,you know, he really did...), anonymoose (*raises single eyebrow* Okay. And yeah, I hate my Blaise, too. Aww darn...), loverwren (hmm, well you'll just hafta wait and see what happens *superior smirk* and I love the fact that everyone loves the slap - I love it, too!!), Purple Leprechauns (I haven't given up on stoned!Mrs. Norris yet, we'll just have to see if I can work it into the plot or not...).  
_**Aaaand Finally - the Part That Everyone Seems to Love (A Reflection on Chp. 11, Which Still Makes Me Snigger):   
  
**_Blaise sniggered. Isn't that sweet, standing up for your little boyfriend. I'll tell you what, Draco, why don't you just go somewhere and -  
  
SMACK!  
  
Blaise gasped, Draco gaped, and Harry frowned down at Blaise, who he had just bitch slapped straight across the face.   
  
Harry said in a threatening, low voice. Ever threaten him. Don't you dare.  
  
H - Harry, Draco sputtered. I can't believe you just bitch slapped Blaise!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
_This is boring.  
  
Stop complaining, Seamus.  
  
Shut up, Dean.  
  
No. No, you shut up!  
  
Seamus stuck his tongue out at Dean.  
  
Aaaahhhh, shut up, Seamus!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Oooohh, Trevor... Neville wailed.  
  
Shut it, Neville! Seamus and Dean both yelled simultaneously.  
  
You're supposed to be helping me! Neville cried, jumping up into the air and making a grab for Trevor. The toad was now bloated, floating in the air and very much resembling an orange, half-inflated balloon.  
  
said Ron. My head hurts.  
  
Stop complaining, Seamus said lazily, sitting with his back leaning against the wall and his eyes closed. You're giving _me_ a headache.  
  
Seamus, you wanker, said Dean.  
  
Seamus frowned but did not open his eyes. What's wanking got to do with anything?_  
  
said Dean. Let's talk about something else.  
  
What about Trevor? Neville whined.  
  
Lovely weather we're having, said Ron from where he lay, limbs spread out, on his back on the floor. Truly delightful...  
  
I heard, said Seamus. That Filch caught Snape screwing Mrs. Norris and he tried to kill her for cheating on him.  
  
said Dean, not paying attention. I heard that Mrs. Norris was really the goddess Athena and she liked to give Snape blow jobs.  
  
said Seamus, eyes still closed. That's me. And Crabbe. And Pansy...  
  
Ouch! I thought you were joking about the blow job thing, Neville said, rubbing his bum where he had just fallen on it after jumping up and attempting to reach Trevor (again).  
  
said Seamus.   
  
Stop being coy,' said Dean. We all know you're secretly in love with Hagrid.  
  
Seamus snorted. He's not my type.  
  
But you do like boys? said Neville.  
  
And girls, offered Dean. Seamus likes everyone. Trees, too...  
  
Seamus opened one eye to give Dean a death stare. Trees, Dean?  
  
Dean shrugged. Okay, then maybe shrubbery?  
  
POP!  
  
Ron looked up at Trevor. Oh, look, he said. And now he's red with yellow polka dots...__  
  
_ said Seamus.  
  
said Dean.  
  
Are you going to help me or not? said Neville, highly annoyed.  
  
Seamus, Dean, and Ron all yelled at the same time.   
  
Neville huffed. Fine, fine, fine! Just... just go ahead and be complete prats, I won't stop you!  
  
said Seamus, eyes still closed.  
  
said Dean.   
  
said Ron. Just shut up, Neville, I told you I had a headache.  
  
Neville's lower lip trembled slightly. he said, biting his lip to stop from crying. Waa - waa - wwaaaaaiiiiii!!! Waaaahhhh!! You're all so mean! he yelled, running down the hall to the boys toilet.  
  
It's about damn time, said Seamus. Finally, some peace and quiet.  
  
said Ron.   
  
SNAP! CRACKLE! POP!  
  
Oh, look, said Dean, his eyelids drooping. He's green now.  
  
Seamus yawned.   
  
said Ron, closing his eyes to sleep. Someone wake me... in the... morning...  
  
Dean yawned. Me, too, he said tiredly, falling asleep.  
  
Me four, said Seamus, drifting off to sleep. Mmm, Professor McGonagall... more... harder... oh, chocolate...  
  
***  
  
Down the hall, Neville wiped the tears from his eyes with a piece of waded up toilet paper. He sniffed and blew his nose, sitting on the closed seat of the toilet. _Why won't they help me? They said they would help me. Why won't they? Where's Harry? He would help me. I should find Harry... I have to get Trevor. He's probably scared, stuck up that high... and he's bloated... poor Trevor... I've got to help him... _  
  
Neville sniffed again and got up. That's it, he said aloud to himself. I've got to find Harry!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC. Please R&R, okies? Hmm, that chapter was short as hell. *Criticizes chapter 12* I promise there will be *snigger* more *snigger* erm... how do I put it? Sexuality? Funny shit? Yeah - I think that's it. Next chapter. Heh. Cross my heart and hope to die. Well. Not really. This chapter w just to check up on the boys. Sorry it sucks ass, but what do you expect?! I'm not perfect - I can't crank out 12 perfect, hilarious chapters, unfortunately. Chapter 13 - Midnight Snack will be out soon. *snigger* I promise you'll like it. Eurgh. *erk* *cough* Nevermind ,I'm just not gonna talk about that. *sigh* Anyway, more more soon soon! Byes! ^_^;; And I really am sorry this chapter sucks. Come to think of it... don't review this chapter. Just wait till chapter 13. Really. COMEDY AND SEXY STUFF!!! I promise!! Just so you know... a reason to read the next chapter... there is... heh... more than one ship involved... hee hee hee... MUA-HA-HA!! *evil grin* Just wait and see!! ^_^


	13. Chp. 13 - Midnight Snack

**Chapter 13:** Midnight Snack  
**Rating:** PG-13 for sexuality (reeeeaaalllyyy in this chapter) and cursing  
**Author's Note:** I don't suck? Oh, good. I'm happy now. And thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, I love you!! Especially my entire 2 reviews (*slight snigger*) - _coriander_ and _ViEiRA_ (my only chp. 12 review! thanks for not telling me it sucked, and YEAH, it could have been interesting, but it really isn't...). Now, on to the fic because I'm impatient...  
**Warnings:** There is REAL SLASH in this chapter. *cough snigger cough* You'll see. But I'm not gonna warn ya about the slash no more, just expect it... ^_^;;  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Oooh, yes. Yes, yes!  
  
Oh, harder! Harder!  
  
  
  
The moans and groans of two Hogwarts teachers could be heard, winding their way through the Hogwarts hallways. When there was food involved, they were never quiet.  
  
Oooooooohhhhh, Severus.  
  
Unf, Minerva!  
  
More jell-o! More jell-o!  
  
Oooh, yes!  
  
Mmmmm, yummy!  
  
Standing just outside the door to the kitchens were two boys. One Slytherin, doubling up with silent laughter, and one Gryffindor, trying to block out the moans and groans of his two professors.  
  
Harry whispered, covering his ears just as Snape let out a low moan from behind the door. Let's just go, okay? Please?!  
  
Draco was crouched outside the door, shaking with silent laughter. He shook his head, unable to speak. Harry frowned at the other boy.  
  
Harry and Draco had been on their way up to the Astronomy Tower when Draco had suddenly changed his mind, saying that he was hungry, and dragged Harry down to the kitchens instead. I just want a bit to eat, it won't take long, Draco had said. They had been there for half an hour.  
  
Harry sighed and looked at his watch again. Draco was easily amused and hadn't stopped laughing since he and Harry had happened upon the two teachers. Although they couldn't see Professors Snape and McGonagall, they could hear them, and that was more than enough for Harry. He found the entire thing quite disturbing, in fact.  
  
Harry shot Draco a dirty look, which Draco ignored as he sniggered silently to himself. Harry shook his head, disgusted at Draco's childish behavior. _Oh, honestly, _Harry thought. _It's not funny at all! Snape and McGonagall... and jell-o, by the sounds of it... ugh... I'll be having nightmares about this for months..._  
  
Harry stood up so suddenly that a shocked Draco fell down in surprise. Draco frowned up at Harry and mouthed, What?'  
  
Harry scowled. I'm going, he whispered in a tight voice.  
  
Draco frowned again. he whispered, trying not to be too loud, though he highly doubted that the professors could hear him over their moaning and wailing.   
  
Harry pursed his lips and stood towering over Draco with his hands on his hips. You're coming too.  
  
Draco looked suddenly scandalized. I am not, he objected. Harry, this is too good an opportunity to - ow. Ow. Ooooowwwww. Ouch! Aahh, Harry! No, stop!  
  
Harry grabbed Draco by the ear and tugged hard. A loud moan from Professor McGonagall told them that she had not yet realized they were spying. Harry demanded, giving Draco's left ear another tug. Up, up!  
  
Draco hissed irritably. Harry pulled again. Okaaayyy! Cut it out, you prat.  
  
Harry refused to let go of Draco's ear, but stopped tugging as Draco warily got to his feet.   
  
Come along, then, Harry said, still refusing to let go and making Draco crouch slightly as he lead him along the dark corridor. Hurry up!  
  
Draco glared at Harry's back and mumbled something unintelligible under his breath. Harry paused part way down the hallway and turned around to face Draco, still dragging him along by his ear.  
  
Draco hissed quietly. Snape grunted from the kitchen.  
  
What did you say? Harry demanded in a whisper, suddenly realizing that he was too far away from the kitchens to be heard by Snape and McGonagall. He cleared his throat and began talking in a normal voice. What did you _say_, Draco?  
  
Draco scowled in response. Harry tugged hard on his ear.  
  
Draco cried, finally jerking free of Harry's death grip on his ear. You bastard.  
  
You git, Harry replied. Now tell me what you said.  
  
Draco straightened up, rubbing his earlobe. I said, he said in an even, measured tone. That you're acting like someone's mum.  
  
Harry started. _Not this mum thing again. First Seamus and now Draco. I do NOT act like anyone's mum... I don't think...  
  
_Draco waved his hand in front of Harry's face. Hellooooo in there. Harry? Did you hear me?  
  
Harry snapped. I heard you. And I am _not_ acting like your mum, Draco.  
  
I said _someone's_ mum, not _my _ mum, Draco said with a slight snigger. My mum would _never_ drag me along by the ear.  
  
Harry scowled at Draco. he said, turning on his heel and continuing down the hall, muttering under his breath. Mum... really... not... stupid Seamus... and Draco... honestly...  
  
Draco sighed and grabbed Harry by the arm. Harry, wait.  
  
Harry stopped and turned slightly to look at Draco over his shoulder.   
  
Let's go to the Astronomy Tower, okay? Listening to Snape and McGonagall really turned me on...  
  
Oh, honestly! Harry cried in exasperation, not finding Draco's joke nearly as funny as Draco did. That's not funny, Draco!  
  
I'm sorry, Draco wheezed through his laughs. But I just had to say it.  
  
Harry sniffed and turned away from Draco, stomping down the hall. Draco stopped laughing and sighed. he called down the hall. Just wait!  
  
Harry cried from halfway down the hall. Draco sighed and jogged to catch up with him. he called. Stop being so childish!  
  
Harry stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to face Draco. he demanded incredulously. Me?! _I'M_ the one being childish?_ I AM?!_ And who was the one listening to McGonagall and Snape have sex?! It wasn't _me!_ It was _you!_ Honestly, Draco, you are such a fucking hypocrite sometimes, I can't believe I even - mmpphf!   
  
Draco cut off Harry's words by kissing him passionately on the mouth. When he pulled away a moment later, he was smirking. he said, not sounding sorry at all. But I had to shut you up.  
  
Harry breathed. I'm not mad, just do that again.  
  
Draco's smirk widened. Here? Now?  
  
said Harry, nodding his head vehemently.   
  
Draco said happily, attacking Harry with his lips and pushing the other boy down onto the ground.  
  
***  
  
ONE HOUR _(of kissing, suckling, and other sexual stuff)_ LATER...  
  
Neville sighed. He had been looking for Harry for almost two hours and had searched half the school. Where could he be? he whispered, peering around in the darkness. Where could he _possibly_ be?  
  
Tee hee.  
  
Neville paused. Someone had definitely just giggled. He looked around, but saw no one. He heard someone snigger from behind a door to his left.   
  
Ooh, Harry you're so _bad_, came the slightly muffled voice of Draco Malfoy as he playfully slapped the other boy on the wrist.  
  
Neville paused, eyes widening in shock. _No. It CAN'T be. It can't be... Harry? And... that voice... I KNOW that other voice... but... no... it couldn't possibly... he wouldn't... they're not...  
  
_Neville pressed his ear up against the door, listening carefully.  
  
We should go, came Harry's voice. I've been gone for a long time. The other guys are probably wondering where I am.  
  
Who cares? drawled Draco. Finnigan, Thomas, Longbottom, and the Weasel? I know they're your friends, but gods, Harry. Really.  
  
Neville gasped. He heard the sound of someone zipping up his pants and both boys laughing. Neville slowly began to back away from the door, tripped, and knocked into a suit of armor which crashed to the ground with a loud BANG!  
  
Harry and Draco stopped laughing. What was that? Harry whispered.  
  
I don't know, open the door, came Draco's usual drawl.   
  
Neville watched in horror as the doorknob slowly turned. Neville cried in horror, trying to run away and tripping over the suit of armor and crashing to the ground in a heap.  
  
Harry stared down at the crumpled form of Neville Longbottom. Draco peered over his shoulder curiously.  
  
Harry asked in disbelief.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC!!! I love suspenseful endings!!! *contented sigh* More soon, I already started writing it. I hope this chapter was... satisfying. *ahem* I love reading smut but I just CANNOT write it, I'm sorry. So no details about Harry and Draco fooling around, sorry. If anyone is good at writing smut/ make out scenes/ sex and you WANT to then tell me. *snigger* Maybe if I get some guts I'll write in a sex scene. Of course... THAT wouldn't be rated PG-13... hee hee... *cough* But anyway!! If someone wants to write me some good Harry/Draco sex, I will totally put it into the story!! *snigger* But aanyways... more soon, I promise. PLEASE REVIEW!! I'll love you forever if you do...  
  
PS - Harry and Draco fooled around. Leave that up to your imagination, but they didn't fuck. Okay? I want them to... *cough*... rock the boat, but I dunno if I can write it. If someone wants to (and is good at writing sex, slash, or whatever), tell me, I'll say yes, you'll write it, I'll read and edit it, I'll be a complete bitch and change some of it, I'll post it as THE MORE THAN PG-13 RATED SEX SCENE, I'll give you credit, you'll be famous, and everyone will love you. ^_^ LOL - The thing is... I'm only 1/2 joking, hee hee hee... ^_^;; ... *still sniggering b/c Harry giggled and someone's pants were down* o_O And yeah, I know that I used the suit of armor falling over thing for the second time... it's so passe... I'm sorry. _


	14. Chp. 14 - Sexy!Draco, Idiot!Neville, and...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 14: **Sexy!Draco, Idiot!Neville, and Weirdo!Harry Have A Talk**  
Rating: **umm, not much stuff is in this chapter, so maybe G/PG  
**Author's Note: **Picks up where chapter 13 left off. I have 69 reviews!! And 69 is my favorite number!! LOL!! It's so _FITTING_ after chapter 13, too... considering... stuff... *sniggers* But anyway! *cough* Special thanks to the new reviews, especially Hestia cuz she checked out like all of my fics. Soo...  
- S.Maldiva: LOL. Yeah, Snape/McGonagall sex. But it's REALLY... Snape/McGonagall/Jell-o sex... hee hee... *snigger* And thanks for reviewing!! ^_^  
- Hestia: How could you possibly forget about Snape/McGonagall?? It's been haunting my dreams since I wrote it, LOL. Well, not really, I'm j/k. ^_^;; And LOL, no Neville's not jealous. Hmm. *thinks* Or maybe he is... *mysterious grin* Bah, no - Neville doesn't like Harry. And about Agent Nine: Super Sex Kitten ... ROFLMAO!! I cannot believe you read it!! *dies of embarrassment* I said my brain was fried and I meant it!! And yes, Draco is Harry's sex kitten, not mine. *grumble* DAMMIT!!! I want sexkitten!Draco... hmm... *snigger*... and more bananas...  
- coriander: Thanks for the advice, but I still don't think I can write a sex scene. I think it will just have to be innuendo/ implied. Heh.   
  
Now, on to the fic. We pick up where we last left off...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Neville watched in horror as the doorknob slowly turned. Neville cried in horror, trying to run away and tripping over the suit of armor and crashing to the ground in a heap.  
  
Harry stared down at the crumpled form of Neville Longbottom. Draco peered over his shoulder curiously.  
  
Harry asked in disbelief. Neville what - what are you - I mean - huh?  
  
Neville looked up from his position on the ground. Standing over him were the two towering figures of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.  
  
Uh, Harry, Neville stammered nervously. I mean - uh - umm - erm, well - that is to say - uh, Harry - umm...  
  
Harry looked at Draco, who simply shrugged. Harry said in a tight voice. How long have you been out here?  
  
  
  
Draco let out a derisive snort. What are you worried about? he asked Harry. It's just Longbottom, acting the way he usually does.  
  
Harry frowned at Draco and held out a hand to help Neville up.  
  
Neville mumbled, almost unintelligibly. He had turned beet red and was staring at his feet.  
  
Draco raised a single eyebrow at Harry and mouthed the word Harry elbowed Draco in the ribs. said Draco, doubling over in pain. Smarmy bastard.  
  
Slimy git, said Harry, sticking out his tongue at Draco. He turned and refocused his attention on Neville. Erm, Neville... are you all right? You're acting a bit... odd.  
  
He always acts odd, Draco said, sniggering slightly but stopped when Harry shot him a death glare. Draco held up his hands, palms out to show his innocence. Don't look at me, he muttered.  
  
Neville said slowly. I came to find you but if you're busy... He let his sentence trail off. Draco sniggered. Harry looked worried.  
  
Harry said quickly. We weren't getting busy. I mean, we're not - I'm not - we're not - umm... no. No. No, really, Neville. Harry coughed, the tops of his ears turning slightly pink and his cheeks flushed. Erm... what was it that you wanted, Neville?  
  
Neville stopped looking at his feet and looked up at Harry instead, suddenly remembering why he had come.  
  
Oh, Harry, gushed Neville, talking quickly. It's Trevor - those brownies - and he's high - I mean, he's floating - and he was pink, and then he was orange - and Seamus was joking about giving Snape blow jobs - and then they all ignored me - and I ran off to the toilet and cried - and well - and then - and I was looking for you - and then I was here - outside the door - and I heard someone giggle - and then you and Malfoy - oh, and I'm just so confused!   
  
You're not the only one, Draco muttered under his breath.  
  
Neville finished dramatically, throwing his hands up in the air and sniffing. You have to help me Harry! he pleaded.   
  
Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, not sure of what to say. Draco, thinking along the same wavelength, summed it up nicely for both of them by saying,   
  
Harry sighed. So, Neville - what's wrong with Trevor?  
  
Neville sniffed. He's floating and we're afraid to magic him down because we might hurt him.  
  
Draco seemed to consider this. He ate the brownies, didn't he? Hmm, I suppose that explains it...  
  
Harry turned to stare at Draco. You knew that Trevor was floating?  
  
Draco blinked and stared at Harry. You must be completely out of it.  
  
Harry frowned. Why do you say that?  
  
Because you were there...  
  
  
  
In the hallway with all of those Gryffindor idiots -  
  
  
  
- Sorry, Harry, but you know it's true.  
  
Yeah, whatever.  
  
In the hallway, when you said, _Don't be such an arse, Draco. People might not like you if you act like a complete prat all of the time.'_ Don't you remember that? Then I left and you chased me down the hall, yadda yadda yadda... helloooo, Harry. Do you really not remember any of that?  
  
I think the better question is, how do you remember all of that?  
  
I have a good memory.  
  
Nah, you just obsess over every little detail.  
  
I do not.  
  
Yes, you do, you little perfectionist.  
  
Oh, shut up, mum.  
  
Draco! Don't call me that!  
  
Oooh, sensitive about that mum thing aren't you?  
  
Harry said in a warning voice.  
  
Draco sniggered. Really, Harry, I can see it now, you in the kitchen making dinner, wearing your - OW! Damn it!  
  
You deserved it.  
  
Ugh, I did NOT!  
  
Did, too.  
  
Did not, you stupid prat. You stepped on my foot! That hurt!  
  
Harry smirked at Draco, who scowled back.  
  
said Neville.  
  
Harry stopped looking at Draco and turned, frowning at Neville. Neville, you're still here?  
  
said Neville.  
  
So you need Harry to help you get Trevor down, Draco offered.   
  
Neville nodded.   
  
Oh, but Draco I thought we were going to -  
  
Draco coughed loudly, cutting off Harry's words. Just go with Longbottom.  
  
said Harry, sounding dubious. Whatever you say Draco... erm, Malfoy.  
  
Right, Harry. Potter. Oh, bugger this, said Draco, sweeping past Neville and making his way down the hall. I'll see you later.  
  
called Harry at Draco's retreating back. Midnight for a bit of -  
  
  
  
What? Oh, right, said Harry, grinning sheepishly at Neville, who turned five shades of red and quickly looked down at his feet again. See you later! called Harry.  
  
Draco lazily waved his hand and turned the corner, finally going out of Harry's sights, only to reemerge a second later, give Harry a seductive wink, and take off again. Neville, who was still staring at his feet, noticed none of this, nor the inappropriate gesture Harry made in return.  
  
Once Draco was gone, Harry refocused his attention on Neville. he said in a chipper voice. Let's go.  
  
Neville looked up, the color beginning to fade from his cheeks. Go where, Harry?  
  
Harry shrugged. I dunno, he said. Didn't you want me to help you with Trevor?  
  
said Neville. Yes, that. Right.  
  
Harry smiled kindly at the other boy. Neville, are you sure you're all right?  
  
  
  
You're sure?  
  
I'm sure...  
  
You sure you're sure?  
  
I'm sure, I'm okay, Harry.  
  
Harry said, sounding unconvinced. If you're _sure_...  
  
I'm sure. I mean, I think I'm sure, said Neville, starting to get confused. I mean... I... what?  
  
Harry looked at his watch. Well, it doesn't really matter, does it? he said, suddenly beginning to cackle like a madman. I've got somewhere to be at midnight and I can't be late! Onward, ho!  
  
Neville blinked.   
  
Yes, Neville?  
  
Are you sure that _you're_ all right?  
  
Hmm... yes, I'm sure.  
  
All right.  
  
Why do you ask, Neville?  
  
You're just being a bit off is all.  
  
Harry seemed to consider this. he said slowly. I suppose it must be the afterglow...  
  
What afterglow?  
  
Oh, you know, Harry said, humming to himself as he and Neville began walking down the hall. The I just fooled around with a really hot Slytherin' afterglow. Or maybe it's the, I just snogged my enemy' afterglow. Or maybe it's the Draco Malfoy just sucked my -'  
  
Uh, Harry?  
  
- di... what, Neville?  
  
Can we talk about something else, please?  
  
said Harry, not understanding why anyone wouldn't want to talk about Draco's sexy ass. Okay, Neville, if you want.  
  
Neville let out a sigh of relief. Oh, good.  
  
said Harry. What's new with you?  
  
Not much, said Neville, genuinely. Except the whole My toad is flying' thing. You?  
  
Not much, said Harry. Just the Draco Malfoy is my super sex kitten' thing.  
  
said Neville.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC. Please review!! Last I checked there were 71 reviews, holy crap. Wow, OMG. ^_^ Unfortunately... *looks at watch* Well. I have an NSYNC concert to attend, hee hee hee. *sniggers madly* Just shut up and don't ask. _ I'm allowed to like N Sync!!! :P Aaaaannnyway... yeeaahhh. Ahem. Well. Please review, you know I love reviews!!! Bwa ha ha! *cough* Yeeaahhh. Well. If you have any suggestions, feel free.   
  
~Chibi (still in need of Harry/Draco sex...) ....well, a writer. Not the actual sex... hee hee... ahem. *in need of more reviews cuz she goes bonkers for reviews and is a total nutter* Aaaaannnnyywwaaaayyyyysss... ^_^;;


	15. Chp. 15 - The Reappearance of Bitchy!Bla...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chp. 15: **The Reappearance of Bitchy!Blaise**  
Rating: **My friend thinks this should be rated R!! What do you think?? **  
Warning(s): **I dunno. *shrugs* More slash and cursing, I suppose... and perverted stuff, you know, like the jell-o thing... hee hee!**  
Author's Note to the Readers: **Holy shite! 82 reviews!! And helluv new people are reviewing!! OMG!! *tries not to freak out* Aww, sheesh. Now I'm wondering how many people are actually READING this. Ack! But anyway, thanks to everyone who has reviewed at all so far, and especially those of you who KEEP reviewing!! Thank you so much!! Now, to the reviews... _SoulSister (You really think psycho? I think more like semi-psycho, but I like it, too!), The Face of Evil, Purple Leprechauns (disturbing amazing but disturbing LOL!!), Pythia (adorable? really? aww, cool), Kasumi Greenleaf (*snigger* Legolas, ha ha. Ahem, anyway - I like my Snape/McGonagall/Jell-o thing), Keiko Saruto, S.Maldiva, Violet Rose (LOL, glad you liked that part - I did too. And there is nuthin wrong with N Sync so :P And LOL), Shinigami (Now this fic is officially screwed up HEY!!! Meanie! Is not, and see my 2'nd A/N about the # of brownies), bondagechic (LOL, and thank you very much - no graphic sex, I guess...), SoulSister (yeah, again - and haha to Harry and Draco standing around, listening to Snape and McGonagall go at it *sniggers*), Pythia (again, too - ha, Neville's fate was not a big deal at all), Hermione-G-Weasley (You're great, I love that a non-slash reader likes my fic)._**  
Author's Note About the Fic: **The only person in the fic who I actually said how many brownies he had was Seamus in chapter six, and that was that he had eaten three. I just have to say that so there's no confusion. Umm... *thinks* I'm sure there was something else I wanted to say... Oh, yeah. And two people asked about the effects wearing off. Well. *cough* I have thought about it some. They have NOT worn off yet but are starting to. Anyway, I have a plan for if I decide to keep them high for even longer. So lay off :P HA HA HA!! And you people with all your More now! pressure, sheesh. *sweat drops* I do have a life, you know!! :P  
  
_This chapter: Harry and Neville rejoin the other boys and one toad is missing. Blaise threatens Harry with something that never happened. Blah, blah.  
_  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry blinked. Where is he?  
  
I don't knoooowww! Neville wailed. He was here when I left!  
  
Harry said. Ron grunted and rolled over in his sleep. Ron! Wake up, you git!  
  
Ron groaned. No... Harry... and Malfoy... nooooooo, he said in his sleep.  
  
said Neville. It sounds like he's having a nightmare.  
  
said Harry frowning. About me and Draco.  
  
KICK!  
  
Aaaahhhh! What the - Ron said, waking up with a start. He bolted upright looking around wildly until he noticed Harry standing over him, glaring down at him. Ron exclaimed. What are you -  
  
Bad Ronniekinns! said Harry, kicking Ron again. Having a nightmare about my love life!  
  
Aaahhh! Harry, stop! That hurt!  
  
Bad Ron!  
  
KICK!  
  
DAMMIT, HARRY! Ron bellowed, pushing himself up, off the ground and towering over Harry. You are out of control!  
  
Ron, shut up! yelled Seamus, keeping his eyes closed.  
  
yelled Neville at the half-asleep Seamus. This is your fault!  
  
KICK!  
  
Yowl! Neville, what the... you kicked me! yelled Seamus, finally opening his eyes. He stood up, looking scandalized and rubbing his hip where Neville's foot had connected with it. What the hell was that for?  
  
Trevor is gone! yelled Neville. I left him here with you and he's gone!  
  
So?! Why didn't you kick Dean or Ron?!  
  
yelled Neville.  
  
KICK!  
  
said Dean, in a dull voice, standing up. Thanks, Seamus.  
  
For what? asked Seamus.  
  
For getting Neville to kick me.  
  
Hey, Dean, I did not -  
  
KICK!  
  
Corr, Dean! yelled Seamus. How could you do that to me?! That's not fair, why did I get kicked twice?!  
  
I don't know, said Dean in a sarcastic voice. Maybe because you're a huge -  
  
KICK!  
  
Yah! Seamus! You bastard, get back here!  
  
Eep! Dean, noooooo! Seamus yelled, running away.  
  
Get back here! Dean yelled. I'm going to kick you're arse, Seamus, you wanker!  
  
Stop calling me that! Seamus called, looking over his shoulder at Dean and laughing. Ha, ha, Dean, you are so slow. Honestly, you're -  
  
SMACK!  
  
said Neville.  
  
said Ron.  
  
Harry cringed.   
  
Dean doubled over laughing. he breathed, out of breath form laughing so hard. You - you ran into a wall! BWA HA HA!  
  
Seamus groaned and backed away from the wall. he said.   
  
Hee, hee, hee, said Dean.  
  
Shut up, murmured Seamus, rubbing his face. That fucking hurt.  
  
Dean sniggered.  
  
Blimey, Seamus. Are you all right? asked Harry.  
  
said Ron. You really smacked that wall with you're face, Seamus...  
  
Neville actually smirked. You deserved it, Seamus.  
  
Grrr, Neville... said Seamus, looking particularly menacing with his face red from hitting the wall.   
  
Neville stopped laughing. Uh... Seamus?  
  
said Seamus, walking toward him. Come here...  
  
yelled Neville, ducking behind Harry and using him as a shield. Seamus, noooooo!  
  
Ack, Neville! said Harry.   
  
said Seamus, stalking toward Harry, making choking gestures with his hands.   
  
yelled Neville. Seamus dove, knocking Harry to the ground.  
  
Ack, Seamus, gerroffa me! yelled Harry, now in a rather compromising position with Seamus laying on top of him. Ugh, Seamus! Come on!  
  
Wow, Potter, came a cold voice. Quite the little exhibitionist, aren't we?  
  
Harry looked up. he breathed through gritted teeth. What do you want?  
  
I wonder, said Blaise in a conversational tone. What Draco would think if he could see you now...  
  
Harry shoved Seamus off of him and jumped up. Shut up, Blaise. I didn't do anything wrong.  
  
Well, I really can't be sure of what I saw, said Blaise. From where I was standing, it looked like perhaps there was something going on between you and Finnigan.  
  
said Ron. Neville blinked. Seamus rubbed his bum. Dean frowned.  
  
said Ron. Why would Malfoy care what you and Seamus were doing?  
  
  
  
Ron made a face. Oh, Harry, he said. You didn't...  
  
He did, said Dean. Can't you see the afterglow?  
  
Ron asked, incredulously.   
  
Oh, you know, said Seamus, wincing as he stood up next to Harry. The Draco Malfoy is my new lo-  
  
Now really isn't the best time, Neville interrupted, motioning to Blaise.  
  
said Seamus, looking at Blaise with dislike.   
  
Blaise smirked. he said. I've better things to do than stand here and talk with you lot.  
  
Blaise turned and swept off down the hall, headed toward the Slytherin dungeons.  
  
Don't worry, Harry, said Dean. I'm sure Malfoy - er, Draco - will believe you over Blaise.  
  
said Harry, sounding unconvinced. I'll be back. And shouldn't you lot be looking for Trevor?  
  
Ooooh, Trevor, moaned Neville.  
  
Harry - said Ron, but Harry had already gone down the same way Blaise had. Ron frowned. Let's go after him.  
  
said Seamus.  
  
Ron set off after Harry. Dean groaned and followed suit. Seamus went quickly after him, still confused. Neville stood alone in the corridor for a moment longer.   
  
But what about Trevor?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
... TBC. Oh, great! Now Trevor is missing?! And who will Draco believe - Harry or Blaise? Hmm. Oh, well. Answers will come, I promise. Please review, okay?? Yay!! More soon - tomorrow's Friday, hooray! ^_^ I have the whole weekend. Oh, gods. I have some things to do, though. I'm sure chapter 16 will be up soon, though. No worries, mates. Damn, that was fast. That means I can start on chapter 16!! ^_^ So how many people actually read this shite? I really wanna know!! Please review, more soon!  
  
Later Dayz,  
~Chibi


	16. Chp. 16 - Ron’s Discovery (Blaise Gets K...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chp. 16: **Ron's Discovery (Blaise Gets Kicked)**  
Author's Note (on reviews):** Thanks to everyone for reviewing... gosh. I have 91 reviews. *sniffle* That's a lot. Weep, weep. Oooh, sheesh. Well. Thanks for all the reviews. I am really glad that I'm not crappy. Soo...  
- Purple Leprechauns: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Gosh, I love you!! ^_^ So you only make one compliment per month, really?  
- Shaded Mazoku: *blinks* Okay. Wicked but not... riight. :P And one thing: WHY THE HELL WOULD I MIND?!?!?! I want to be on your faves list!!!!!!!!! Gosh, that's cool.  
- the true earth sayajin: according to my friend, it should NOT be PG-13, she thinks it should be R, which I find disturbing but have though of myself. And why does everyone keep saying that it keeps getting better and better?? Is that really true??  
- Karatebarbie: Holy shite, another new reviewer, sheesh. LMAO, I am so glad you like it!! *beams at karatebarbie* ^_^  
- Alchemine: Well, thanks for reviewing again!! And I like the SS/MM/Jell-o thing, too... *sniggers*  
- Hestia: Chem labs suck, first and foremost. oh reeaallly!! *blush* You're so sweet, tee hee. ^_^;; You told me to bitchslap Blaise and I did - kicked in the balls you say? Maybe I can work it in... *sniggers*  
- Pythia: *snort* I got you to worry about a TOAD?! BWA HA HA!!! Hurry up, all of you people with your hurry ups oh really!! _ I get out a new chapter every day or every other day!! YOU IMPATIENT PEOPLE!!! :P  
- Zany: Yeah, you have. I never forget a reviewer, ha ha. You reviewed chapter 7 before, but thanks for reviewing again!! ___To be honest this is the perfect story to come and read when you have had a big day!_ Oooohhh!! Some of you people are just so freaking sweet!! *tear* Corr, I love you!! ^_^  
- The Face of Evil: Well, thanks for reviewing again. Glad you liked it - but they were ALWAYS high. :P  
**Author's General Note: **BWA HA HA!! I was just flipping through the old chapters and in chapter 10... *snigger*... _Ron frowned. You're all crazy. Harry is NOT gay. He does not like girls. ....._ ROFLMAO!!! I cannot believe I did that, sheesh. HA HA HA!! *scurries off to edit and re-upload fic* ... *cough* But anyway!! On to the fic... Oh, yeah. And a is a gay guy, FYI._  
_  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Blaise Zabini smirked to himself as he strode purposefully down the corridor. _Perfect, _he thought smugly to himself._ I found Potter with Finnigan between his legs. Just wait till Draco hears this. _Blaise was ecstatic. Things couldn't be more perfect now. Madam Pomfry had gotten rid of his boils quickly enough, and now he was going to exact his revenge upon Harry and Draco. _Harry Potter. HA HA HA! That bitch is going down.  
  
_Blaise! Blaise, wait!  
  
Blaise's smirk widened. _I knew he would follow me. Everything is working out just the way I planned, HA HA HA!  
  
_Blaise slowed and stopped, lazily tuning to face Harry Potter.  
  
Blaise said in a short, clipped voice. What do you want?  
  
Harry caught up to Blaise, slightly out of breath. Gods, you walk fast...  
  
I don't have all day, Potter.  
  
Harry frowned, finally catching his breath. Well - well, I - I mean, I'm sorry about before.  
  
Blaise snorted. You mean you're sorry you bitch slapped me?  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
Blaise gave the other boy a condescending look. It doesn't matter.  
  
Yeah, well, said Harry, smiling slightly despite himself. I'm sure it's not every day you get bitch slapped by a puff, let alone a famous one.  
  
Blaise was not amused. Harry quickly sobered.  
  
And you wanted...?  
  
Harry frowned and seemed to consider this for a moment. he said slowly. Draco wouldn't really believe you over me, would he? Because I -  
  
Oh, Potter, would you please stop rambling on?  
  
Oh. Sorry.  
  
Blaise shrugged nonchalantly. It's all right, Potter. There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about.  
  
said Harry, happy that Blaise had not yet slapped him back. Okay, go ahead.  
  
Blaise said in a seductive voice, stepping closer to Harry. I want to tell you, I really do, but... I'm afraid of what you'll say. Blaise pretended to pout. _Perrrrrrfect...  
  
_Harry blinked. Blaise? What - what are you doing?  
  
Oh, nothing, Blaise said in the same, unctuous voice. He pinned Harry against the wall and licked his lips hungrily. Nothing at all, Potter...  
  
Harry stared at Blaise, eyes alight with horror. Blaise - you're - you're not hitting on me, are you?!  
  
As a matter of fact, said Blaise, leaning into Harry. I am.  
  
But, Blaise, Harry started to protest. I - eep!  
  
Blaise kissed Harry fervently and Harry, still slightly out of it, automatically responded and kissed Blaise back. The two had barely been kissing for twenty second when...  
  
The outraged voice of Draco Malfoy echoed through the hall. What the fuck do you think you're doing?!  
  
Blaise jumped back, shocked. _Damn, he's early, _Blaise thought._ I thought he wouldn't be here for at least another minute... that Potter is a good kisser.  
  
_Harry blinked. Draco, what are you doing here?  
  
Draco shot Harry a dirty look. What is wrong with you?!  
  
Harry looked shocked and hurt. Draco, what do you mean?  
  
Draco growled. You were kissing Blaise Zabini.  
  
said Harry. Right. That. But, Draco, I didn't -  
  
Shut it! Draco ordered Harry, who shut up immediately, looking ashamed. Draco turned his attention to Blaise.   
  
Blaise smirked. What can I say? Your boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off me...  
  
YOU BASTARD! Draco yelled, running at Blaise. I'm going to kill you!  
  
Blaise fumbled, reaching for his wand as Draco ran at him.  
  
No! Draco, wait, no! You don't understand!  
  
PUNCH!  
  
said Blaise as Draco punched him in the stomach. he wheezed. Wait, don't -  
  
Draco yelled.  
  
KICK!  
  
yelled Blaise, covering his crotch with his hands and falling to his knees, crying in pain. Aaaaahhhhh, aha, ha, aaaaaahhhhhh, Draco.... ah!  
  
Draco scowled down at Blaise, who was bent over on his knees in front of him.  
  
If you ever, Draco said in a menacing voice. _Ever_ do that again, Blaise, so help me, I will kill you.  
  
Harry started unsurely.  
  
Save it, Draco said shortly. I don't blame you for what happened.  
  
You - you don't? Harry stammered, overjoyed. Oh, Draco!  
  
Harry jumped on top of Draco, knocking him to the ground and hugging him at the same time. Thank you! he yelled ecstatically.  
  
Draco blinked. Harry, what are you -  
  
I love you, said Harry, smiling down at Draco.  
  
Draco started. Well I - I mean... I love you, too, Harry.  
  
Harry grinned. You kicked Blaise in the balls for me. You're so sweet.  
  
Draco smirked and leaned up to kiss Harry full and hard on the lips.  
  
TWO MINUTES OF SNOGGING LATER...  
  
  
  
Harry jumped off of Draco. he yelled in surprise. What are you doing here?!  
  
Blaise groaned, still holding his privates. Draco stood up and brushed his robes off.  
  
Seamus smirked and patted Ron on the back. I told you, mate.  
  
Ron gave Harry a disbelieving look, shaking his head back and forth. Oh, Harry, he said. I can't believe you...  
  
Harry felt a sudden wave of guilt. Oh, Ron, he said, taking a step forward. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but -  
  
said Ron. Just don't talk to me.  
  
Dean frowned. Ron, don't be such a prat.  
  
Ron turned and fled down the corridor.  
  
Ron, wait! yelled Harry, rushing after him.  
  
Oh, no, said Neville. This is bad.  
  
Draco gave Neville a highly condescending look. You don't say, Longbottom.  
  
Seamus clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth and gave a low whistle. Draco Malfoy, you sexy bitch. You and Harry, snogging in the halls. Oh, honestly...  
  
Draco paused, blinked, then smirked. I've always been somewhat of an exhibitionist, Finnigan, he said, shrugging. What can I say?  
  
Dean smiled and looked amazed. Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were actually being nice to us, Malfoy.  
  
Oh, please, Draco said in a chiding voice. You know that I would never do that.  
  
Oh, right, said Seamus, sniggering slightly. You actually _like_ being a royal pain in the arse.  
  
And why wouldn't I enjoy it? It's so much fun.  
  
Neville blinked. Malfoy's being nice...  
  
No shit, Sherlock, said Dean.  
  
Seamus, Neville, and Draco all stared at him. Blaise groaned, still clutching his reproductive parts.  
  
It was a joke, said Dean, mildly offended at the odd looks the others were giving him. It's a muggle thing.  
  
said Seamus. Why didn't you just say so?  
  
Oh, nevermind, said Dean.  
  
Neville said, turning to Draco. So if you're being nice now, does that mean -  
  
said Draco. I will not be this nice to you ever again.  
  
Oh... okay.  
  
As long as we're clear, said Seamus, smiling.  
  
Draco raised a single eyebrow at the Gryffindor boys. I'm... going to go now.  
  
Draco reached down and grabbed Blaise by the elbow. Up you go, Zabini. Blaise groaned. Draco turned to the Gryffindor boys. Well, see you then.  
  
Draco left, dragging Blaise along with him, headed towards the Slytherin dungeons.  
  
said Dean. That was certainly...  
  
offered Seamus.  
  
I was going to say interesting,' but odd works, too, said Dean.  
  
Neville turned to the other two boys. Are you going to help me find Trevor now?  
  
Seamus and Dean both turned to each other, exchanged a look, and turned back to Neville. they said, simultaneously.  
  
Neville was shocked. Oh, you can't possibly be serious! You're not even going to -  
  
interrupted Dean.  
  
Yes, what? snapped Neville, irritably.  
  
We were joking...  
  
.... Oh. Okay....  
  
Seamus coughed. So, we're going to look for Trevor, right?  
  
Umm... yeah, said Dean So... let's go.  
  
Erm, right, said Neville, embarrassed.  
  
Neville, Seamus, and Dean turned and began heading down the corridor.  
  
said Neville. What did you do while I was gone?  
  
said Seamus. Actually, I was having this great dream involving Professor McGonagall and pudding -  
  
  
  
Seamus gasped, Dean started, and Neville let out a scream of terror. There, in her nightgown, accompanied by Professor Snape, stood Professor Minerva McGonagall.  
  
said Snape, voice full of suppressed rage. What have we here? Three little Gryffindors, all out of bed...  
  
Oh, stoat me, groaned Seamus, under his breath. This is going to be bad...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC. That was a long chapter. Sheesh, chapter 16 already?! OMG, wow! Anyway, chapter 17 should be out later this weekend, quite possibly by Saturday night. Please review!!! Okay? Thanks, more soon!! ^_^  
  
~Chibi  
  
PS - Stoat me is a Veela phrase. Ahem *coughs* I'll tell you what it means... later! :P  
  



	17. Chp. 17 - The Talk (I Care That You Care...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 17: **The Talk (I Care That You Care)**  
Special Thanks To: **Everyone who has read this, and especially to those of you who have reviewed any of the chapters. And especially, especially to the people who KEEP reviewing!! Thank you so much!! 105 reviews!! Holy crap, wow!!! *vbg* And the chapter 16 reviewers... _SoulSister, Hestia, Moi, Chablis Jameson, loverwren, Gilaine, Pythia, lightbringer, Purple Leprechauns, Hermione-G-Weasley, lady_, Sila-chan, bondagechic, and also to Shinigami. _Also_, _thanks to Libertine for encouraging me.**_  
_****Author's Note: **First of all, about stoating - it's Libertine's word, and according to her... Stoating/stoated - an endeavor involving lube, a live stoat, and people bending over. In response to the things to things people said in the reviews and things in general...   
_Will I make Ron gay?_ No!! Ha, ha, lol _Hermione-G-Weasley_, don't worry about it!! I will not do that to you.  
_Will there be stoned!kitty? _It is highly likely, and I'll tell ya when it's gonna come. I'm working on it, okay? ^_^  
_Will there be a sequel?_ No one has directly asked me this yet, but I am already planning one, and I have plenty of plot bunnies. So no worries, because when HP&SB does end, there will be more!! ^_^  
_Where is everyone in the fic?_ They are NOT in Gryffindor Tower, lol. All the boys are roaming the halls, the girls are in Gryffindor Tower (which I haven't told you yet, but they are), and Snape and McGonagall have left the kitchen. *smirk* No more jell-o for them.  
**  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
**Ron, wait!  
  
Ron stormed off, fuming. _Harry and Malfoy! How could he?! And he didn't TELL me! Seamus did! Oh, really! Harry and Malfoy! Waaiiii!!  
  
_Ron! Rooooooooonnnnnnn!  
  
Ron grunted, breaking into a full-out run.   
  
Ron! Please, stop! Just talk to me! PLEASE!  
  
Go away! Ron yelled over his shoulder. I don't want to talk to you right now, Harry!  
  
Ron, wait! Please just talk to - aahh!  
  
SMACK!  
  
said Harry, falling to a heap on the floor. Ah-how! Oww!  
  
Ron stopped running, panting slightly, and looked back. Harry had, evidently, not been in full control of his feet and had run into a wall.  
  
Ron sighed and frowned. _I don't want to talk to him, but I can't just leave him there...  
  
_Ron turned and walked back to Harry, extending his hand. he said. Let me help you up.  
  
Harry looked up at Ron and, wincing, took his hand and got to his feet. Thanks, Ron.  
  
Mmm hmm.  
  
Erm... Ron?  
  
Mmm hmm.  
  
I'm sorry.  
  
Mmm hmm.  
  
  
  
  
  
Umm, Ron? I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry.  
  
Mmm hmm.  
  
Would you stop saying that?!  
  
  
  
I'm sorry I yelled at you.  
  
  
  
And I'm sorry I lied to you.  
  
  
  
And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I fancied Malfoy.  
  
  
  
Umm... I can't really think of anything else to apologize for.  
  
Ron blinked.   
  
Erm... so... am I forgiven?  
  
Ron opened an closed his mouth a few times, at a loss for words.  
  
Harry frowned. You're not really THAT mad at me, are you?  
  
Why Malfoy?  
  
Why not Malfoy? asked Harry, mildly offended.  
  
It's Malfoy.  
  
  
  
It's Malfoy.  
  
Really, Ron, you are so closed-minded!  
  
IT'S MALFOY!!!  
  
Argh! I don't CARE, Ron!  
  
I CARE!  
  
I DON'T CARE THAT YOU CARE!  
  
WELL I CARE THAT YOU DON'T CARE THAT I CARE!  
  
RON, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!  
  
YOU DON'T CARE WHAT I THINK!  
  
I DO CARE WHAT YOU THINK!  
  
YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU DIDN'T CARE!  
  
AAAAHHHHHH! RON!  
  
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! HARRY!  
  
  
  
  
  
RON! YOU ARE SUCH A PRAT!  
  
YOU SNOGGED MALFOY!  
  
I DID MORE THAN JUST SNOG HIM!  
  
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! MY VIRGIN EARS!  
  
OH, SHUT UP, YOU PRAT!  
  
AAAAAAHHHHH! YOU AND MALFOY! AAAAAHHHHHHH!  
  
AAAHHH, STOP SHOUTING!  
  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MORE THAN JUST SNOGGING?!  
  
THAT'S JUST WHAT I MEAN! WE DID MORE THAN SNOG, WE -  
  
AAAAHHH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!  
  
THEN WHY DID YOU ASK?!  
  
AAAHHHHH! I DON'T KNOW!  
  
STOP YELLING!  
  
YOU'RE YELLING, TOO!  
  
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, RON!  
  
YOU ARE CRAZY, HARRY!  
  
I'M CRAZY?! NO, YOU'RE CRAZY!  
  
YOU'RE CRAZY, I'M SANE!  
  
I AM NOT CRAZY, RON!  
  
YOU LIKE MALFOY!  
  
SO WHAT?! HAVEN'T WE BEEN OVER THIS ALREADY?!  
  
TO LIKE MALFOY YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE CRAZY!  
  
I'M NOT CRAZY, I'M JUST CRAZY ABOUT HIM!  
  
Ron stopped yelling immediately. he said, unsure. Harry - what did you just say?  
  
Harry bit his lip. I - I said I'm not crazy. I'm just - I'm crazy about him, Ron. Oh, please don't be mad at me! It's just the way I feel! I can't help the way I feel, so please don't ask me to. Please, Ron. Please. Just try to understand. Please.  
  
Ron started, shocked. Harry I - I had... I had no idea... I mean... I had no idea you felt this way about him. I - I'm sorry I yelled at you. I - I didn't know... you never told me...  
  
Harry's lower lip trembled. Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry! he exclaimed, trying not to cry. I should have told you how I felt! I am _so sorry!_  
  
No, Harry! Ron said, voice full of raw emotion. No, Harry, I'm sorry! It's not your fault! I was being a complete prat! I am so sorry!  
  
Oh, Ron!  
  
Oh, Harry! I'm so sorry!  
  
Oh, Ron! I'm sorry!  
  
I forgive you!  
  
I forgive you, too!  
  
Oh, Harry! Really, I'm just so sorry!  
  
Just shut up already!  
  
  
  
Ron! You're my best friend!  
  
You're mine, too! I don't care about Malfoy anymore!  
  
Good! I do! I love him!  
  
Ron stopped crying immediately. he said in a disgusted voice.   
  
Harry stopped crying and laughed. Oh, Ron.  
  
Ron made a face. Really, Harry. It's disgusting  
  
Harry sniffed. It is not disgusting, Ron.  
  
It is, Harry, it really is.  
  
Look, Ron, just because I like guys -  
  
said Ron. That's not it at all!  
  
Harry blinked. It's not?  
  
Ron actually laughed. Did you really think that was it? That I was homophobic?  
  
Well, uh... yeah, Harry admitted. I mean - isn't - I mean - that's not it?  
  
said Ron, chuckling. Of course not! I mean, really, Harry. I don't have a problem with anyone being gay.  
  
Y - You don't?  
  
Ron sniggered. No, of course not, he said. The wizarding world is a lot more open about that sort of stuff. And anyway, mum and dad used to think that Percy was gay...  
  
But Percy's not gay.  
  
Ron shrugged. Well, no, but they thought he was. Anyway, my parents taught me to be open-minded about that stuff.  
  
But you just said it was disgusting!  
  
No, no, no. I said that you liking Malfoy was disgusting, not the fact that you were gay.  
  
  
  
It's disgusting because it's Malfoy.  
  
Oh. Okay, then.  
  
Ron smirked. Really, Harry. I would have thought that you would have better taste in men...  
  
What's wrong with Malfoy?  
  
He's skanky.  
  
My boyfriend is not skanky.  
  
Ugh, Malfoy is your boyfriend. Eurgh.  
  
Oh, shut up.  
  
Eww, Malfoy. Disgusting!  
  
Ron! Shut up!  
  
Eww, Harry has Malfoy germs!  
  
Shut up, Ron! It's not funny!  
  
Ha, ha! Harry and Malfoy, sitting in a tree -  
  
  
  
- K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes -  
  
- Excessive shagging, offered Harry.  
  
Ron stopped singing. Oh, Harry. Ugh.  
  
Harry smirked. Deal with it.  
  
I don't want to deal with it, Ron said in a petulant voice. It's you and Malfoy. I hate Malfoy. It's disgusting.  
  
Poor Ronniekinns.  
  
Don't call me that.  
  
What's wrong, Ronniekinns?  
  
Ugh, Harry.  
  
You know, it's getting late.  
  
Yeah... you're right. We should get back to the dormitory.  
  
said Harry, laughing as the two began heading towards Gryffindor Tower. I wouldn't fancy running into Snape around here.  
  
said Ron. Can you just imagine? He'd take off a million points from Gryffindor and give us a month's worth of detention if he caught us out of bed and roaming the halls at this hour. Speaking of which, what time is it, Harry?  
  
  
  
Oh, yeah. Snape would definitely kill us if he caught us out of bed.  
  
Or McGonagall, said Harry, laughing. I wouldn't fancy running into her.  
  
Oh, no, said Ron as they began to climb the stairs. That would be almost as bad as seeing Snape.  
  
Can you imagine if we ran into both of them? I think I'd die.  
  
Ha, yeah, said Ron. As if one wasn't enough. Running into both of them together.... But it doesn't matter, anyway. I mean, why would Snape and McGonagall be together, anyway?  
  
  
  
Ron gave Harry a peculiar look.   
  
Don't ask, Ron. Just - just don't ask.  
  
Ron frowned. Okay, Harry. Whatever you say.  
  
Harry shuddered.  
  
All right, said Ron, stopping and turning to Harry. All right, you're going to have to tell me now. What is it?  
  
Well... Snape and McGonagall... well... they're... well they... ahem... Harry said, aware that he was rambling on and not really making any sense. I mean - jell-o - and - and they were - in the kitchen - and Draco and I - and I heard - disturbing - jell-o - and they were - and there was moaning - and I mean, I don't know, but I think I know - well... I mean... I think that Snape and McGonagall were... well, you know...  
  
Eurgh, Harry. Oh, you can't be serious. Snape and McGonagall? They were...  
  
  
  
Oh. Oh, really. Eww. First you and Malfoy, now Snape and McGonagall? Ugh, this day keeps getting weirder and weirder.  
  
Tell me about it, said Harry. Although, it's not necessarily a bad thing...  
  
Oh, yes, Harry, said Ron. It is. It really is a bad thing.  
  
said Harry. You're just upset because you didn't get any.  
  
Any what? Oh... that. Nevermind, then.  
  
Harry sniggered. Hurry up, Ron. I've got somewhere to be at midnight, you know.  
  
Oh, really? said Ron, only mildly interested. Where's that?  
  
Astronomy Tower for a bit of a snog with Draco.  
  
  
  
I'm quite looking forward to it, said Harry in a chipper voice.  
  
I don't want to hear about this, Ron mumbled. I really do not want to hear about this.  
  
Fine. Just hurry up then.  
  
Ugh, whatever.  
  
Come on, Ron. I thought you were open-minded.  
  
It's Malfoy.  
  
You keep saying that...  
  
Because. It's Malfoy. I shouldn't have to say anything else.  
  
You just don't appreciate him.  
  
And why should I? What's there to appreciate?  
  
That sultry voice, that sexy arse...  
  
Ron made a gurgling sound in the back of his throat, and Harry laughed.   
  
It really is a nice arse, you know.  
  
Ugh. You really have horrible taste, Harry.  
  
It's the arse, Ron. Really - have you seen his arse? It's perfect.  
  
You know, I try not to look at his arse, personally, but maybe that's just me...  
  
Well, you should look at it sometime. It's like a piece of art, you know. I think Draco's arse belongs in a museum. That way, everyone could look at it.  
  
I think only you would appreciate that, Harry.  
  
Oh, no. It's a family thing. You know, Bring the kids! Come see Draco Malfoy's arse!' It would be a great hit.  
  
I very much doubt that.  
  
Yeah, well. That's because you haven't seen his arse. If you looked at it, you would understand.  
  
I very much doubt that.  
  
Just look at it sometime. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.  
  
Thanks, but no. I don't like men's bums.  
  
Neither do I. Just Draco's. It's absolutely fabulous.  
  
  
  
Hmm? Yes, Ron. What is it?  
  
Could we maybe talk about something else? I don't really want to talk about your boyfriend's bum.  
  
All right, then. What should we talk about? We could talk about his long, hard -  
  
Aaahh! Harry!  
  
I was going to say _wand_, Ron. Hee hee.  
  
Oh, shut up. It isn't funny.  
  
Oh, but it really is...  
  
Ugh, Harry. UGH!  
  
Oh, come on, Ronniekinns. Learn to take a joke.  
  
You're really annoying, you know that?  
  
Harry sighed. You know, that's what Draco said, but then he managed to shut me up by -  
  
Enough! I don't want to hear the details of your sex life, Harry.  
  
Come on, Ron. Be a good sport.  
  
No. Enough about his arse and his _wand'_ and you two snogging. It's still Malfoy, and that's really all that matters.  
  
You're right. Malfoy is all that matters.  
  
That's not what I meant, and you know it, Harry.  
  
Now, Ronniekinns, I thought we agreed that you were going to be more open minded...  
  
Shut up, said Ron. Just shut up.  
  
But I wanted to talk more about Draco's arse! It's so nice and -  
  
Uuuuggggggghhhhhh. No more, please! You're driving me crazy!  
  
Harry sighed dreamily. I'm crazy about Malfoy.  
  
You certainly are crazy, Ron mumbled under his breath.  
  
What did you say?  
  
Nothing. Let's just hurry up, all right? I don't want to get caught roaming the halls...  
  
Right. Me too.  
  
  
  
What is it, Ron?  
  
Well... all your talking about Malfoy's bum... and I just wondered...  
  
You're arse is fine, Ron.  
  
Oh. Okay, then. Well, good.  
  
It's not as nice as Draco's though...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC. Hoooooly crap, that is twice as long as any of the other chapters!! It just kept going and going!!! I was trying to think of a good way to end it!! Waaiii!! I'm sorry!! Please review!! Does this chapter suck?? *nervous* I really hope not. Maybe I should have cut it in 1/2...?? *sighs* I dunno. Really, though - thanks for reading and reviewing, and please review this chapter. The next chapter should be out soon. I hope it's more funny...


	18. Chp. 18 - Please Don’t Kill Me, Professo...

**HP&SB  
Chapter 18: **Please Don't Kill Me, Professor!**  
Author's Note:** For some strange reason, every time I think a chapter really sucks, you all love it!! Why is that?? Man, how weird. But thanks to everyone who has reviewed - I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! So much!!! *kisses and hugs* Now. Special thanks to the chapter 17 reviewers... _Magaretha (lol! you said soo many times!), loverwren (I'll see what I can do), SoulSister (lol and thanks), the penguins r stealing my sanity (lol! and why does everyone think it's scary...?)_, _Ellie (*shrugs* Why NOT Draco? He's dead sexy!!), Hermione-G-Weasley (you cried?! I LOVE YOU!!), Pythia (I wanna see his arse, too!!), DarkNess (sorry I made you hurt, lol), The Face of Evil (*sniggers* I love madness...)_. And especially, especially to _Hermione-G-Weasley _for writing me the BEST review ever!! It was so long!! And to _The Face of Evil_ for e-mailing me back, hee hee. Gosh, I love all of my reviews!! You people are so funny. Is it weird that I laugh when I read that you laughed? Because I do. I crack up reading my REVIEWS!! LOL!!! ^_^;;  
**A/N 2: **Hmm. I am sad to say this, but I think this will be ending soon. I have it all planned out, it just depends on how long it takes me to write the ending. But anyways, no worries - told you already, there will be a sequel!! MUA-HA-HA!! *sniggers to herself* Anyways, really - thanks for reading and reviewing!! Thanks so much for encouraging me!! *grins* Now, on to the fic... we are back to Gryffindor boys and two professors... oh, yeah. And HERMIONE IS HEAD GIRL (and who else would it be?) and DRACO IS HEAD BOY.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
Get back here, you little rat!  
  
Aaaahhh! No, Professor Snape! Please don't hurt me!  
  
Stop running and come back here!  
  
  
  
Grrrrrrr, Finnigan!  
  
Aaaaaaahhhhh! Eep! Someone help me!  
  
Run, Seamus, Run! yelled Dean.  
  
Shut up! yelled Seamus, running away from Snape and hiding behind Professor McGonagall, using her as a shield. Please protect me, Professor McGonagall!  
  
Severus! Please stop this foolish behavior at once.  
  
Get out of the way, Minerva! Finnigan! I am going to kill you! Snape yelled, taking out his wand.  
  
Neville cowered behind Dean, who was laughed hysterically. Neville begged. Do something.  
  
Hee, hee, hee, laughed Dean, wiping a tear from his eye. There's nothing I can do, Neville. And even if I could... really, this is just so funny.  
  
Professor McGonagall! Please! begged Seamus as Professor Snape approached them, menacingly waving his wand and baring his teeth. Pleeaasseee, Professor!  
  
Stop this now, Severus, said McGonagall. You're being ridiculous.  
  
said Snape. I heard what he said. Pudding, eh? I'll teach you, Finnigan!  
  
said Seamus. I didn't mean anything by it, honestly!  
  
Finnigan! You stop hiding behind her and face me right now, or it'll be 100 points from Gryffindor!  
  
Excuse me, Severus. But you are truly out of control. You do NOT have that sort of authority. These students are in MY HOUSE and I will deal with them as I see fit! You stop this now!  
  
But Minerva -  
  
No, Severus! Leave now. I shall see my students back to Gryffindor Tower. You should attend to your own students.  
  
Snape snorted. My students would never be so bold as to make such an egregious offense. Out of bed at this hour! Honestly, Minerva.  
  
Severus! These are my students. You may NOT threaten them.  
  
said Snape.  
  
said McGonagall. Leave now or no more jell-o!  
  
Snape stopped dead in his tracks. Oh, Minerva. You can't be serious.  
  
I am being perfectly serious, Severus. I would never joke about such a thing. Now, please leave and let me deal with these students.  
  
grumbled Snape, shooting one last, threatening look at Seamus.   
  
Professor McGonagall waited until Snape was safely around the corner before turning on Seamus, Dean, and Neville.  
  
she said, voice tight with suppressed rage. I sincerely hope you three have a good explanation for all of this!  
  
said Seamus.  
  
said Neville.  
  
Umm... well... said Dean. You see, Professor, it's all a bit... complicated.  
  
No excuses, Thomas! I would expect more from one of Hogwarts' top students.  
  
Dean hung his head in shame. I'm sorry, Professor, he mumbled.  
  
Three weeks of detention! And 50 points from Gryffindor. 50 points EACH! I expected more from you three. In your seventh year and all, honestly! Now, come along. I need to take you back to your dorm room. And I expect you to stay there.  
  
Yes, Professor, said Neville, Dean, and Seamus in unison as they fell into line and trouped silently back to Gryffindor Tower with Professor McGonagall.  
  
grumbled Seamus, voice quiet enough so that Professor McGonagall would not hear. Can you believe our luck?!  
  
Trevor is still missing, whimpered Neville. What if something bad happens?  
  
You and your big mouth, Seamus, whispered Dean. They heard your stupid pudding crack, you git.  
  
How was I supposed to know that they were lurking around the Hogwarts hallways late at night?! Seamus said, raising his voice a little. McGonagall gave them and odd look and told them to hurry up.  
  
I wonder if Harry and Ron got away, said Dean. Can you imagine if Snape catches them?  
  
Poor Trevor.  
  
Shut up, Dean and Seamus hissed in unison. No one cares about your stupid toad!  
  
BUT I CARE! Neville exclaimed, raising his voice. TREVOR IS MISSING AND SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN TO HIM!  
  
Mister Longbottom! hissed McGonagall. Please be quiet! Other students are trying to sleep!  
  
But Professor! You have to help me!  
  
Longbottom -  
  
Trevor is missing! He's missing!  
  
McGonagall blinked. Come again?  
  
Professor, please, said Dean, voice pleading. Neville's toad's gone missing and we were just looking for him. That's why we were out here - he was worried!  
  
As if on cue, Neville began crying uncontrollably. Ooohhh, Trevor!  
  
Mister Longbottom, please! Control yourself!  
  
Waaaaahhhhh! Treeeevoooorrrr!!  
  
Oh, honestly! cried the exasperated Professor McGonagall. Longbottom, PLEASE! Stop crying!  
  
But - but - but... TREVOR!  
  
Mister Longbottom, stop crying now or it will be 100 points from Gryffindor.  
  
Neville stopped crying and whimpered.  
  
McGonagall sighed. I understand that you are worried, Mr. Longbottom. But please believe me when I say that I can assure you, your toad will be just fine.  
  
But -  
  
Really, Longbottom! You can look for him in the morning.  
  
Please, Professor, said Dean. We can't wait that long.  
  
And why not? snapped McGonagall.  
  
Well, Professor, he ate chocolate and then he -  
  
Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?!  
  
Erm, yes, said Den, sheepishly. He was floating and we didn't know how to get him down and -  
  
Why didn't you say so in the first place? McGonagall demanded. Chocolate! Honestly! Feeding it to a toad! What were you thinking?!  
  
I assure you, it wasn't intentional.  
  
I should hope not. Well, then. Taking all things into consideration, I suppose that it wouldn't be fair of me to still take points from Gryffindor -  
  
Oh, thank you Professor!  
  
HOWEVER, you will still have to serve your detentions.  
  
grumbled Seamus.  
  
What did you say, Finnigan?  
  
I said, thank you very much, Professor'.  
  
  
  
Erm, Professor? About Neville's toad... said Dean.  
  
said McGonagall. Yes, of course. I will escort you three back to Gryffindor Tower and I will ask Mr. Filch to look for your toad, Longbottom. You three needn't worry.  
  
Thank you, Professor.  
  
You are quite welcome, Thomas. Now, I really must get you three back to your dormitory...  
  
Will Trevor really be all right? whimpered Neville.  
  
Yes, Longbottom. Now, I do not want you three to be out of bed looking for him again. I assure you, your toad will be found, Longbottom. Now, come along you three. It's awfully late.  
  
But tomorrow is a Saturday, said Seamus. So there are really no worries, right?  
  
Oh, no, Finnigan. Your detention starts tomorrow.  
  
  
  
You three will be up at the crack of dawn, I dare say.  
  
But - but WHY, Professor?!  
  
You three shall be helping Hagrid in his game keeping duties every morning before classes for the next three weeks.  
  
Neville, Dean, and Seamus all stared in horror.  
  
whispered Seamus in disbelief. Every day...  
  
At the crack of dawn, said Dean.  
  
Game keeping duties! said Neville.   
  
You three don't complain, ordered Professor McGonagall in a strict voice. Or I shall have you working with Mr. Filch instead.  
  
Seamus shuddered.  
  
said McGonagall, turning to face them. I shall expect you to meet Hagrid at the front steps of the school at five o'clock tomorrow morning.You shall meet him there every day at five for the next three weeks and work until it is time for your breakfast. Do you understand?  
  
Yes, Professor, they said in unison.  
  
she said, looking at her watch. And seeing as it's almost midnight now, I expect you will want to get as much sleep as you can.  
  
Three weeks, mumbled Seamus as they set off again for Gryffindor Tower. Every day for three weeks. And we were only out there because we were looking for Harry.  
  
And then looking for Trevor, said Dean. Harry owes us for not turning in Malfoy when we had the chance.  
  
agreed Seamus. He'll have to buy me a new broomstick when these three weeks are over.  
  
I hope Trevor's okay, said Neville.  
  
Shut up, hissed Seamus and Dean. No one cares about your stupid toad!  
  
Neville sniffed. I care...  
  
Well, we don't, said Seamus. Dean nodded.  
  
You're both so mean, said Neville.   
  
Stuff it, said Seamus.   
  
Poor Trevor, whispered Neville to himself. He must be so scared...  
  
I'm sure he'll be fine, said Dean in a dull voice. We, on the other hand...  
  
Thee weeks, said Seamus. But I'd rather be with Hagrid than Filch. Or Snape.  
  
You and your stupid pudding comment!  
  
Oh, shut up, Dean! You know you've thought about it, too!  
  
said Dean. Pudding's not my thing. But did you hear what she said about jell-o? You don't think...?  
  
That must be it. I mean, that explains why he tried to kill me and all...  
  
said Dean thoughtfully. Although, Professor McGonagall didn't seem to mind your pudding comment...  
  
I've always thought she fancied me.  
  
Hurry up! McGonagall snapped at them.  
  
Oh, yes, said Seamus. You see? Can't you just feel the sexual tension between us?  
  
Right, Seamus. And why would she fancy you?  
  
Seamus shrugged, then smirked. Because I'm completely irresistible?  
  
Doubt that, said Dean.  
  
Animal magnetism? offered Neville. Dean and Seamus turned to stare at him. said Neville, affronted. I think it's a good theory.  
  
Animal magnetism, repeated Seamus, chuckling to himself. Really, Neville. I said it before and I'll say it again...  
  
Say what?  
  
You're so kinky!  
  
Eurgh, Seamus!  
  
Speaking of kinky. You know, Neville, you never gave me your gran's address...  
  
said Neville. You like the weirdest things, Seamus...  
  
Yes, well. Now we all know, you're just as kinky as I am.  
  
I doubt anyone is as kinky as you are.  
  
Hmm. Perhaps you're right...  
  
said Dean. He's right. There's no one in the world who's kinkier than you. Horny, too.  
  
Damn right, said Seamus. And proud of it.  
  
said Dean.  
  
said Seamus, turning to Neville. About your gran...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
... TBC. So, Seamus, Neville, and Dean got caught. Poor boys. I have work to do, sorry. Anyway, I hope this chapter was kiiinda funny... maybe? Ack! I don't think it was! _ Sorry, my brain hurts. Anyway, there will only be two or three more chapters of HP&SB. Sooo please review!! Please, please!! *sighs* More soon - probably Harry and Ron again, and more of Harry/Draco since they're meeting. Heh. *cough* REVIEW!!! Next chapter out soon!  
  
~ Chibi


	19. Chp. 19 - If I’m The Bad Boy Then Why Do...

**HP&SB  
Chapter 19: **If I'm The Bad Boy Then Why Do You Get To Be On Top?!**  
Author's Note: **As always, I love everyone who reviews!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I have 123 reviews! *does the happy dance* Big ups (ha ha, who says that? lol) to those of you who reviewed chapter 18, cuz your positive comments are just so wonderful!... _Hestia(lol! terrific, and who knows? maybe McGonagall will relent? Jell-o, *sniggers*), Z-Man (well, lol, and thanks but... near invisible plot lines? How can it be funny and SUCK at the same time?! *perturbed*), SoulSister (I feel bad for them too), The Face of Evil (gah! you bastard! I'm j/k - but all I have to say as far as the Dumbledore's brother thing goes is these two words: Milicent Bullstroad. Nuff said. WATCH OUT!), coriander (lol, thanks!!), Pythia (*sniggers* I never even THOUGHT about the educational opportunities, lol!!), Purple Leprechauns (*sniggers* NO I DID NOT EAT BROWNIES! Trippier, you say? Hmm...), Hermione-G-Weasley (ROFL! I love you too, and AIM was fun, lol!!),_ and last but certainly not least to _MOI (Award for MOST ORIGINAL REVIEW - I love it!!)_!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS!! ^_^ Now...  
**A/N 2: **Ahem. Well. I think I've decided on which of my ideas I'll use for the sequel, but I'll hafta rewrite some of HP&SB to do it. Ugh. More work!! Weep, weep. Anyway!! *deep sigh* I dunno what else to say so... on to the fic!!  
**Spoilers: **Actual spoilers? Ha, ha. BOOK THREE, and all the previous chapters of this fic. This chapter - mostly Harry/Draco, lol...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ron and Harry made it back to Gryffindor safely without running into any professors. Ron let go of a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when they reached the portrait of the fat lady.  
  
she asked, yawning.  
  
said Ron, stepping through the portrait as it swung open. Come on, Harry.  
  
Harry looked at his watch nervously as he stepped through the portrait. I've got to hurry, he said, rushing past Ron and up the stairs. Or I'll be late to meet Draco!  
  
Ron grunted.  
  
Harry ran up the staircase and flung the door to their dorm room open, rushing over to his bed and reaching into his trunk, fishing around for the Marauder's Map and his invisibility cloak.  
  
Harry took his wand out and pointed it at the map. I solemnly swear I am up to no good!  
  
Harry checked to make sure that his path to the Astronomy Tower was unobstructed. The small dot labeled Minerva McGonagall' was in her room and Harry noticed that the dot labeled Severus Snape' was practically on top of the one labeled Sibyl Trelawney.'  
  
said Harry, staring as the two dots moved slightly, appearing to be engaged in some sort of activity. Snape really gets around.  
  
You don't say, said Ron, yawning as he came into the room. Corr, Harry. How did you get in here so fast?  
  
I ran, Harry said shortly, noticing that Draco was already in the Astronomy Tower. Damn, he's already there.  
  
Ron yawned again as he peeled off his robes and threw them down on his bed. Aren't you going to be late to meet your skanky boyfriend?  
  
He's not skanky.  
  
He is if I say he is, Ron said, pulling on his paisley pyjama bottoms over his maroon boxers. And I say he is. Therefore, he is.  
  
Oh, shut up, said Harry.  
  
Ron sniggered, buttoning his pyjama top. He's Draco Malfoy: Super Skank.'  
  
Mischief managed, Harry said to the Marauder's Map, stuffing it back into his trunk and pulling out his father's invisibility cloak. And he's not skanky, Ron. He's just... well... he's Draco.  
  
said Ron in a sarcastic voice. And here I thought he was Percy...  
  
Shut it!  
  
Well, Percy _was_ Head Boy and your skanky boyfriend is now. They're both dull and boring, not to mention _extremely_ annoying...  
  
Draco is nothing like your brother.  
  
Are you so sure?  
  
  
  
Ron shrugged and pulled back the curtains around his bed. Aren't you going to be late to meet Malfoy?  
  
Wha - oh, damn! You're right! See you then!  
  
said Ron, stepping into bed just as Harry flew out of the room, dragging the invisibility cloak behind him as he shut the door with a dull, resounding THUD.  
  
Ron sighed. I'm just glad this day is over, he said to himself, pulling the curtains around his bed shut. Tomorrow's Saturday, after all. Thank the gods. I couldn't deal with another day like today...  
  
***  
  
12:13 AM, ASTRONOMY TOWER  
  
Damn him, Draco grumbled. He's late! Stupid git probably forgot.  
  
Hey! I resent that!  
  
Draco turned and surveyed Harry with a look of utter annoyance. You're late.  
  
Harry sighed, draping the invisibility cloak over his arm as he approached Draco. he said. I just got caught up with Ron and then, well, I was late.  
  
Draco looked at the invisibility cloak with interest. You have an invisibility cloak, he said, genuinely impressed. My father has one.  
  
Harry smiled sadly. It was my father's.  
  
said Draco. So. What do you want to do now?  
  
said Harry in a sultry voice, dropping his invisibility cloak. I think you know what I want.  
  
Draco smirked. I might. But maybe you could... show me?  
  
I think a demonstration could be arranged.  
  
***  
  
SATURDAY, 1:17 AM, ASTRONOMY TOWER...  
  
Harry breathed. I mean, just... wow!  
  
Draco smirked. Not bad, Potter.  
  
Harry blushed. Well, er, thanks. I tried.  
  
I could tell.  
  
Ah, well... yes. Umm... well, it's late, you know. Early, really. Shouldn't - shouldn't we get back?  
  
Draco sighed and pushed himself up, into a sitting position. I suppose so.  
  
  
  
  
  
Well, I was just wondering... I mean, after all that's happened... what's going to happen tomorrow? Well, later today, I mean.  
  
What do you want to happen, Harry?  
  
  
  
Mm hmm.  
  
I'm not sure. I mean, Ron knows and so do Seamus and Dean and Neville. But - but, well, most people don't know that I'm... you know...  
  
  
  
Well, yeah.  
  
And are you embarrassed by it?  
  
Well - well, no. I mean, not really. Not at all.  
  
Are you embarrassed by _me?_  
  
Harry chocked on a snigger. Are you kidding?  
  
Draco frowned. No, I'm not kidding. Are you?  
  
Wha - no! No! Of course not! Harry sputtered. Are you crazy?!  
  
  
  
Draco! You're the sexiest guy at Hogwarts! Why would I be embarrassed?  
  
I don't know. You're a Gryffindor. Gryffindors are weird.  
  
We are not.  
  
Yes you are. All your moral standards and everything. You're all nutters.  
  
We are not!  
  
The Sorting Hat placed Finnigan in Gryffindor.  
  
  
  
So you see my point?  
  
One person doesn't count.  
  
The Weasley twins were Gryffindors, too.  
  
Oh, shut up,  
  
You're just upset because I'm right.  
  
Yeah, well. Right or wrong, I would still rather be a morally upstanding nutter than a complete sociopath.  
  
Hey! We are not all -  
  
Voldemort was in Slytherin.  
  
The Dark Lord is only one person, Harry, you said so yourself, and besides -  
  
So was Snape.  
  
Draco shuddered. Please, Harry. I do NOT want to think about Snape right now. It's just... wrong.  
  
Fine, whatever. But your father was in Slytherin as well.  
  
I suppose you're right. Fine, fine. So Gryffindors are brainless gits -  
  
Hey! We are not!  
  
- and Slytherins are incredibly good-looking and cunning. Is that it?  
  
That's not what I was saying at all!  
  
Details, Potter. Who cares? Didn't you want to get back to your brainless git Gryffindors anyway?  
  
They are not brainless.  
  
Finnigan is. And Longbottom.  
  
You just can't go five seconds without insulting anyone, can you?!  
  
  
  
What? What is it?  
  
That was five seconds.  
  
  
  
Draco smirked. Well, Harry, you said -  
  
Oh, shut up. I know what I said.  
  
Come o, now, Potter. Don't be a sore loser.  
  
Fine, don't be an arse.  
  
But I thought you liked my arse, said Draco, pouting.  
  
I do, Harry grumbled, standing up and pulling his boxers on (black boxers with little golden snitches on them!). It's a very nice arse, Draco, it really is. You're just annoying sometimes.  
  
Draco sighed and stood up as well. I'm not nearly as annoying as you are. You know that, don't you?  
  
Whatever. You're much more egotistical, if that's what you mean. You've a bigger head as well.  
  
I've a bigger lot of things, Potter.  
  
Harry blushed. Yeah, whatever, he mumbled.  
  
said Draco, pulling on his pants. Weren't we trying to actually talk about something important before?  
  
Oh, right, said Harry, pulling his shirt on over his head. What we're going to say to everyone tomorrow.  
  
Draco corrected.  
  
Harry looked at his watch. he said.   
  
Draco shrugged. It's really up to you, Harry. Do you want the entire school to know?  
  
What about your father? I thought you didn't want him to know.  
  
I don't, Draco said, flatly. But if it's important to you to be honest...  
  
Harry smiled. You can be really sweet sometimes, you know? When you want to be.  
  
Don't tell anyone. It'd ruin my reputation as a bad boy.  
  
And why do you need to be a bad boy?  
  
Bad boys are sexy.  
  
Says who?  
  
Well, you for one.  
  
Oh, yeah. I guess I'd forgotten.  
  
Hmm, yes. Well. Do you know what you want to do yet?  
  
Have another go at you?  
  
That's not really an option right now, unless you want to be walking around like a zombie tomorrow. You should probably get some sleep tonight.  
  
I really don't care, said Harry, happily leaning in to kiss his lover. Why don't we just stay here?  
  
I really don't fancy being caught by Filch.  
  
Oh, come on. I thought you were a bad boy.  
  
I am a bad boy.  
  
Then act like one. Come on, Draco. Live a little.  
  
You're completely insatiable, you realize that?  
  
  
  
Well, fine, said Draco, taking off his shirt again. As long as we're clear.  
  
Crystal. Now, strip.  
  
said Draco. You're just as randy as Finnigan.  
  
Harry jumped Draco, knocking him to the floor. Maybe even more so.  
  
  
  
  
  
Can I play with your wand?  
  
Any time you like.  
  
How about right now?  
  
Here and now, always. That is, as long as I can play with yours as well.  
  
Of course. All the boys want to play with my wand.  
  
  
  
It's all right, Harry. Yours is fine, too. It's just that mine is better.  
  
You know, said Harry, sitting on Draco's chest and pinning the other boy to the ground. I think I like being on top.  
  
You don't say. Well, don't get used to it, Potter.  
  
Hmm, yes. But we haven't even gotten to the best part of me being on top.  
  
And that is?  
  
Harry reached for his wand and quietly said the spell, showing what he had conjured to Draco. Draco stared.  
  
Is that... jell-o?  
  
It is, said Harry. I like jell-o.  
  
You know, I think that after this, I might too.  
  
I'm sure you will.  
  
So, uh... Harry... what _exactly_ are you going to do with that jell-o?  
  
You'll see...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
...TBC!! Mua-ha-ha!! Oh, look. Now Harry and Draco have discovered the joys of jell-o. *sniggers* Anyway, I'm sorry to say that I expect the next chapter to be the last. Alas, all good things must come to an end. I'm so sorry. _ I have to edit a few of the chapters for content before starting on the sequel. I am not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure that the sequel to HP&SB will be... *drum roll* Harry Potter and the Spiked Pumpkin Juice. MUA-HA-HA. Actually, I got the idea for spiked punch a while ago, but then I was like, Wizards don't drink punch, do they? Anywhoo, I've got the plot all set up. I mean... I think that's what I'll do, I'm not entirely sure.  
  
Anywhoo, only one (maaayyybe two) more chapters and then this will be over!! Thanks to everyone for reviewing. The end is coming soon. It's sad but it had to happen eventually. Please tell me what you think, okay? REVIEW!!!!!!!! PLEASE!! The countdown to the end has begun. There will be a sequel. Erm... can't think of anything else to say. *scratches head* E-mail me if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for HP&SB or about the sequel!! Hasta!  
  
Over and Out,  
~Chibi


	20. Chp. 20 - Before Breakfast Nookie (Arse-...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 20: **Before Breakfast Nookie (Arse-Slapping Fun)**  
Author's Note: ***stares* 134 reviews. Wow. I saw that up at ff.net when I checked for, like, the third time today and I seriously thought it was a mistake. I love you all so much. *tear* So it's coming to an end. Don't worry too much, though. THIS IS NOT THE FINAL CHAPTER. There'll be an epilogue to lead into the new fic. Plus, the sequel will be out very soon. ^_~ No worries, mates.   
**Special Thanks To: **Everyone for reading and reviewing. And especially to the chapter 19 reviews...  
- coriander: LOL. You can do *lots* with jell-o. But honestly? It's just one of those... leave it up to your imagination... sort of things. *smirk* You know...  
- Purple Leprechauns: Yep, your spelling sucks, but do I care? No. *sniggers* LOL. Snape/Flitwick???? I never even thought of it... thanks for the suggestion though... and I;m glad I finally did something good with jell-o, lol...  
- loverwren: MUA-HA-HA!!! Chibi shall do you a favor. *winks* You'll see, and yes, more Hermione, LOL!!  
- SoulSister: LMAO!!!! Kinky, eh? Ooohhh. I like kink, lol. And thanks for the thumbs... but I rather prefer a different appendage (esp. Draco's)... ooh, kinky...  
- Hermione-G-Weasley: More Gryffindor girls? Okay, I'll try. ^_^ And LOL to you and all your scarboy bashing...  
- ViEiRA: If you don't call it jell-o, then what DO you call it??? I'm dying to know, lol. And, unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. LOL.  
- The Face of Evil: MUA-HA-HA!!! We talked, so what do I need to say that I didn't already say? Hmm... you and Milicent stoating? I think so! ^_~  
- Pythia: *sighs* As sad as it is... I'm afraid he HAS been getting pointers from her. Poor Harry.  
- bondagechic: THANK YOU!!!! I love the chapter-by-chapter analysis!! And I like to respond personally because I really am grateful to each and every person for reviewing. And LOL. The students *do* learn a lot, don't they...? And LOL (again) - I looove kinky!Neville!!!!!! ^_^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SATURDAY MORNING, JUST BEFORE BREAKFAST...  
  
Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy lay entangled in each others arms, completely nude as the first golden rays of morning light streamed into through the windows of the Astronomy Tower.  
  
Mmm, Draco?  
  
Yes, Harry?  
  
It's almost time for breakfast.  
  
  
  
So we should go down, don't you think?  
  
Sure, you can go down on me.  
  
SMACK!  
  
Oww. It was a joke, Harry.  
  
Just get up.  
  
You always get me up.  
  
SMACK!  
  
Stop hitting me, Draco whined. That hurts.  
  
I'll stop hitting you when you stop making stupid jokes.  
  
My jokes are not stupid.  
  
They are. They sound sleazy.  
  
  
  
Ron thinks your skanky, Harry blurted out.  
  
Draco frowned slightly, perturbed. The Weasel thinks I'm... skanky?  
  
Erm... yes.  
  
  
  
Draco? Are you okay?  
  
Skanky... BWA HA HA!! Oh, really! Me? Skanky?!  
  
And you find this funny?  
  
Hee, hee, hee.  
  
I'll take that as a yes.  
  
Hee... did he really say that? That he thinks I'm skanky?  
  
  
  
He actually called me that?  
  
  
  
Draco snorted. I told you Gryffindors are gits.  
  
Ron's not a git!  
  
He is.  
  
He is NOT! He's my best friend, Draco!  
  
That doesn't change the fact that he's a git.  
  
You're a complete arse, you know that?  
  
You must have told me this at least a dozen times already.  
  
Yes, but that's just because I don't think it's truly sunk in yet.  
  
said Draco. I'm an arse. I get it. It sunk in.  
  
  
  
And I don't care.  
  
said Harry, throwing Draco a dirty look.  
  
Aww, come on, said Draco, pouting. You always call me an arse, but you know you love it. Hey, don't scoff at me! You do! You love me, and you love it.  
  
  
  
My arse. Obviously, you git.  
  
I do love your arse. You on the other hand...  
  
SMACK!  
  
Oww! Draco! All of that complaining about me hitting you and then you smacked me!  
  
That doesn't count.  
  
What do you mean, it doesn't count?! It so does count! YOU SMACKED ME!  
  
It's different.  
  
Oh, yeah? How?  
  
said Draco, motioning to Harry. Hit me on the arm.  
  
Yes. And...?  
  
And I, said Draco, gesturing to himself. Smacked you on the arse. It's different. You're mean; I'm just being playful.  
  
Oh, whatever.  
  
And besides. You liked it.  
  
  
  
You did. You know you did. You like dominatrix!Draco, I know you do.  
  
  
  
Draco smirked. Yep. I knew it.  
  
SMACK!  
  
  
You know, Harry, said Draco, rubbing his arm That's really getting old.  
  
I told you your jokes weren't funny.  
  
said Draco in a highly dignified voice. Do not get smacked. We do the smacking.  
  
SMACK!  
  
said Harry, sounding smug. Apparently you got smacked and _you're_ a Malfoy.  
  
  
  
Ha, ha, ha.  
  
  
  
Hee, hee, hee.  
  
THAT'S IT! I AM TOTALLY GOING TO KICK YOUR ARSE, POTTER!  
  
cried Harry, scurrying away from Draco.   
  
Potter! Get your arse back here!  
  
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Draco, nooooooooo!  
  
Haaaarrryyyyyyyy! I am going to smack that sexy, scarred arse of yours until your cheeks are nice and rosy.  
  
Wha - oh, gods! I cannot believe you just said that! BWA HA -  
  
SMACK!  
  
- oooohhhhhhhhh.  
  
Draco recoiled slightly. he said, walking over to where Harry lay in a heap. I thought you were over that whole running into walls thing.  
  
said Harry, sitting up. So did I.  
  
Draco sniggered and helped Harry to his feet. Harry frowned.  
  
Draco demanded, seeing the expression on Harry's face. Why are you looking at me like that?  
  
said Harry, looking Draco over from head to toe. No reason.  
  
Draco frowned. Harry, are you checking me out?  
  
Turn around.  
  
Excuse me?!  
  
Just do it.  
  
Draco pursed his lips and turned, facing the opposite wall. Okay. Any more demands?  
  
  
  
Draco said, twisting his upper body around to look at Harry. Are you staring at my arse?  
  
said Harry, staring fixedly at Draco's bum. Sure, Draco, whatever.  
  
Draco turned around completely, and Harry soon found himself staring at something else of Draco's.  
  
said Harry. You ruined my perfect view.  
  
Draco raised a single eyebrow. What is with you and this fixation you have with my arse?  
  
Harry shrugged. I dunno. i just like it.  
  
  
  
Harry sighed. Draco, have you ever LOOKED at your own arse?  
  
Yes, but obviously I don't get the same view you do.  
  
Harry squirmed.   
  
Draco smirked. Didn't... you want to go have breakfast?  
  
said Harry. Although I think I would rather have Draco a-la-mode.  
  
Draco giggled. Oh, Harry! You're so bad!  
  
You know, said Harry. I let you smack my arse...  
  
Let me? You didn't LET ME, Harry. I did. And what are you going to do about it?  
  
  
  
  
  
DRACO MALFOY! GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE!  
  
  
  
Potters don't let Malfoys smack their bums unless they get to do some smacking themselves. And I fully intend on smacking your arse, Draco.  
  
Draco snorted. I'd like to see you try.  
  
Well, good. Because I'm about to.  
  
Talk is cheap, Potter. Now why don't you come over here and show me what you want to do.  
  
What is with you and demonstrations?  
  
I've always been a visual learner. And, apparently, so have you.  
  
Why do you say that?  
  
Because now that I've turned around, you're still staring at my nude form.  
  
Do you have a problem with being my eye candy?  
  
said Draco. Not really. Not as long as you don't mind being my sex slave.  
  
said Harry, pretending to consider for a few seconds.   
  
said Draco. And as my first act as your personal dominatrix, I demand that you strip.  
  
  
  
What is it, Harry? Have a problem taking orders?  
  
said Harry, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. It's just...  
  
  
  
We're already naked.  
  
  
  
  
  
I knew that.  
  
said Harry in a sarcastic voice. And I'm Professor McGonagall in tight, black leather.  
  
Well, then. I suppose that makes me Snape, eh?  
  
said Harry with a slight shudder.  
  
said Draco, smirking. Where did you put the rest of that jell-o?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
... TBC!! MUA-HA-HA!!! Ya know what? I am so happy. I thought that after this there would only be one more chapter. But guess what? I think there will be two!!! Hee hee hee. *gleeful* So, umm... there should be one more chapter and then the epilogue. After HP&SB is over... Harry Potter and the Spiked Pumpkin Juice (HP&SPJ). Yay!! PLEASE REVIEW!!! The end is very near!! See you, then!


	21. Chp. 21 - Are You On Drugs?! (Ron And He...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 21: **Are You On Drugs?! (Ron And Hermione Have A Talk)**  
Author's Note: **Librarians are bitchy. I must say that first. Grr. Meanie librarian saying ff.net shouldn't be accessed on the school computers. Pssshhh! Whatever. Anywho... Erm. Yeah...  
**Thanks To: **EVERYONE!!! And especially to my new, chapter 20 reviewers. Holy cow. Last I checked there were 145 reviews. I guess I will hit 150 after all. I mean, I hope I will... so to the reviewers... Purple Leprechauns (LOL, I'm not gonna write that lemon. And you'll find out about Trevor next chapter), Shinigami (oooh! striptease!Snape? I never even thought of that!! I LOVE THAT IDEA!), coriander (LOL, yeah, bastard!Draco), Hestia (LOL!! *sniggers* I like dominatrix!Draco...), SoulSister (LMAO!! *giggles* kinky = good), Pythia (IT IS SO NOT THE SAME JELL-O!! ICK!! And... I wanna see it too...), *A*L*I*C*I*A* (well gosh, thanks! I like non-slash readers who like my fic *coughcoughHermione-G-Weasleycough*), ViEiRA (thanks for informing me about the jell-o before, and YEAH, it could be an interesting lesson... using naked!Draco as chair? LOL... good idea...), bondagechic (LOL, and thanks for telling me EXACTLY what it was you liked! The praise is much appreciated!), The Face of Evil (LOL. *sniggers* And what's with the pressure?! :P), and Hermione-G-Weasley (LOL. And yeah, I'm sad, too. More Harry/Ron interactions? *makes a note* Okay!). Anyway, thanks again (as always) to everyone who reviews and tells me how much they love this fic. I love writing it. And I love YOU for reviewing!! ^_^**  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
**SATURDAY MORNING, GRYFFINDOR TOWER  
  
Ron yawned and sat up, pulling the curtains around his bed open.  
  
he noted, looking at the four other beds in the room, all of which were empty. I guess they all went down to breakfast already. Wonder why no one woke me...  
  
Sighing, Ron got up and went to get dressed.   
  
_Well, _he thought_. At least my headache's gone. And I've learned a valuable lesson: never eat baked goods unless you know who baked them. I'm sure it's a valuable life lesson... well, that, or Never eat brownies ever again. I think that might be it...  
  
_Ron sniggered to himself as he washed his face and pulled on his robes. he mused. The lesson that I'm supposed to get from all of this is the 101 uses of jell-o...  
  
A sudden, horrible image of Snape's nude form covered in jell-o stopped Ron dead in his tracks.  
  
he said, pulling on his shoes and heading down to the Gryffindor common room. Now there's a visual I don't need.  
  
Hermione huffed. Honestly, Ron! I come to talk to you and you say that to me?!  
  
Ron blinked. he said, looking around. Where did you come from?  
  
Hermione blanched. Ron, are you on drugs?!  
  
Ron started. How did you know?!  
  
Hermione's jaw dropped. YOU ARE?!  
  
hissed Ron, pulling her back into the boys dorm room he had just come from. Be quiet or someone will hear you!  
  
YOU'RE ON DRUGS?!  
  
Is today opposite day and someone forgot to tell me? I say, Be quiet,' and you YELL!  
  
Hermione gasped. You ARE on drugs!  
  
Shut up, will you?  
  
Wha - hey! Ron Weasley, do NOT tell me to shut up.  
  
Just shut up and let me -  
  
RONALD WEASLEY! DO NOT TELL ME TO SHUT UP!  
  
Hermione! Just -  
  
Ron! I cannot believe you!  
  
Wha - but Hermione -  
  
Doing drugs! And being rude to me! This is so unlike you!  
  
Hermione, would you just wait a second and let me explain -  
  
Don't talk back to me!  
  
Ron frowned. But, Hermione, he started to say. I didn't -  
  
Don't you deny it!  
  
WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!  
  
RON WEASLEY! YOU -  
  
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, HERMIONE!  
  
WHY SHOULD I?! Hermione exploded. YOU'RE ON DRUGS, RON, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!  
  
I AM NOT ON DRUGS!  
  
SO NOW YOU DENY IT?!  
  
I'M DENYING IT BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO -  
  
RON WEASLEY, DON'T YOU LIE TO ME!  
  
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HERMIONE! STOP YELLING AT ME! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!  
  
WELL, YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO DO DRUGS, RON! I MEAN, HONESTLY -  
  
HARRY'S GAY AND HE'S SHAGGING DRACO MALFOY!  
  
RON YOU ARE SO - ........ what?  
  
Ron sighed and rubbed his temples. I said Harry's gay and he's shagging Draco Malfoy.  
  
Oh, Ron, Hermione bemoaned. You really are on drugs.  
  
  
  
WHY, Ron? WHY did you do it?  
  
  
  
Ron!! Please! Say something!  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm not on drugs. I already told you. Harry's gay and he's shagging Draco Malfoy.  
  
Oh, honestly Ron! Would you stop making up stories?!  
  
And this is why I'm not talking to you.  
  
Ron! What are you talking about?  
  
  
  
  
  
I'll see you at breakfast.  
  
But -  
  
Bye, Hermione.  
  
  
  
Ron sniffed. If you're not going to listen to me then I'm not going to talk to you, Hermione.  
  
All right, she relented. All right, Ron. I believe you. You're not on drugs. Now... what's this about Harry and Malfoy?  
  
Ron sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. It's a long story, Herm...  
  
Well then start at the beginning.  
  
Okay. Well, from the way I understand it, this whole thing started with Blaise Zabini...  
  
It took Ron approximately half an hour to explain everything to Hermione in detail, multiple times. She kept asking him to repeat himself.  
  
she said. So tell me again. Are you SURE that Harry is gay?  
  
Yes, Hermione. I'm sure. You realize that you're making us late for breakfast, don't you?  
  
This is more important than breakfast, Ron!  
  
Ron's stomach grumbled. My stomach begs to differ, Herm.  
  
And he likes Malfoy? And Malfoy likes him _back?_  
  
Gah! Yes, Hermione. I have told you this at least a million times now.  
  
Yes, yes, Ron, I know but -  
  
You still don't believe me, Ron supplied.   
  
Hermione looked shifty. Well, no, Ron. That's not it, exactly, it's just -  
  
It's far-fetched. It sounds like I'm lying. I understand, Hermione, I do, but I'm not. Now, can we finish this talk on our way down to the great hall? I need to eat.  
  
Yeah... okay. Just explain this to me one more time -  
  
Aww, Herm. Why is it so hard for you to believe me?  
  
It's not! Not at all, Ron, it's just...  
  
  
  
Well, how can Harry be gay? I mean, he used to like Cho Chang...  
  
You know, that's what I said.  
  
  
  
I don't know, Ron said, shrugging as they headed down the stairs. Seamus basically said that Harry is bi with a very strong preference for guys, is all. I guess.  
  
Well, I guess that makes sense. I mean, I used to think that maybe Harry had a thing for Malfoy, but -  
  
YOU WHAT?!  
  
Please, Ron. Don't yell.  
  
Sorry, sorry. But what do you mean, you used to think he liked Malfoy? You knew?!  
  
Don't be ridiculous. I didn't know, I just suspected it. But Harry really hasn't shown much interest in Malfoy recently so I thought that I was wrong.  
  
Ron snorted. All right, Herm. It figures that you would figure it out before everyone else had.  
  
Hermione sighed. So he's really gay? And he's... with Draco Malfoy?  
  
  
  
And they got together because Blaise gave Malfoy - er, Draco - a bunch of brownies, which Draco gave to Harry?  
  
Mmm hmm.  
  
And these were special brownies? With drugs in them?  
  
  
  
And you and Seamus and Dean and Neville all ate these brownies? And then you made Harry eat them as well?  
  
  
  
And then you all went to find Malfoy - Draco, sorry - and Harry... Harry kissed him?  
  
He did.  
  
And Draco kissed him back?  
  
He did.  
  
And they got together? They're a couple now?  
  
They did and yes, they are.  
  
And then they... I mean, Harry didn't come back to the dormitory last night and he was with Draco?  
  
said Ron.  
  
Is that a yes?  
  
That's an, I don't want to think about this,' but yes. Harry went to meet Malfoy and then he never came back.  
  
So you really think they... you really think that Harry and Draco -  
  
  
  
Wow. Okay.  
  
You still don't believe me?  
  
No, that's not it. I believe you. It's just odd, that's all.  
  
Yeah, well, last night was an odd night.  
  
Hey, Ron?  
  
  
  
Last night? When you were spying on me and Ginny and Lavender and Parvati? Exactly... how much did you hear?  
  
  
  
  
  
Not much.  
  
Ron, are you lying?  
  
... no.  
  
Hermione frowned but looked relieved. she said.   
  
Hey Herm?  
  
Yes, Ron?  
  
Seamus or Neville?  
  
SMACK!  
  
Oww. Okay. I guess I deserved that.  
  
Spying is a bad habit, Ron.  
  
I'll keep that in mind.  
  
So besides all the stuff with the brownies, did anything else interesting happen last night?  
  
said Ron, grinning. There was this thing Harry told me about.  
  
Oh, yeah? And what was that?  
  
Something about Snape, McGonagall, and jell-o...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC. This chapter SUX!!! OMG!!! I can't make it suck less. I dunnooooo. *frowns* The next chapter will not, I repeat will NOT, suck this much. I think I'm losing my touch. Anyway, the next chapter will most likely be the last one. Therefore, it cannot suck. Therefore, it may not be out tomorrow night. You can check, but it might not be out for like two days. I need it to be PERFECT. Anyway. Does this chapter suck?? *cries* I'm sorry!!!!! Just don't hate me and don't stop reading!! Please!! Okay? And review if it only kinda sucks. But don't flame me. PUH-LEASE!! _ Gah! suckey!Chibi. *sighs* Review? Please?  



	22. Chp. 22 - The Quickie and 101 Uses of Je...

**Harry Potter and the Special Brownies  
Chapter 22: **The Quickie and 101 Uses of Jell-O (The End)**  
Author's Note: **It's over! This chapter is long, so read it. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, and especially to the chapter 21 reviews. I appreciate knowing I don't suck. 154 reviews, last I checked. So to...  
-_ WildRose04_:Yep, writer's block. It sucks. And thanks for the advice. I'll have to try and find a way to work it into the sequel...  
- _gwen:_ THANKS!! Words of encouragement are great.  
- _catchytune_: Well gosh, thanks!! And I want to hear about you getting drunk... hee hee! ^_^;;  
-_ loverwren: _Good! Oh, yay, thanks. But Ron and Hermione will get over it, I promise..._  
- Hestia: _Oh, good, thanks. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who found the drug thing amusing..._  
- SoulSister: _I agree that Ron and Herm are cute together! ^_^_  
- Haley J. The Bat: _Cool and thanks for checking out my fic!!_  
- Pythia_: NO JELL-O FOR YOU!! Okay, lol. And Ron won't really get 101 uses of jell-o from McGonagall... RON won't...   
- _ViEiRA_: You think Herm was in character? Oh, good!! Thanks!  
- _Hermione-G-Weasley_: Well thanks for recommending my fic to someone! It's much appreciated. And there's a bit more Hermione here, too. And thanks for tiling me _specifically_ what you liked!! ^_^  
  
Also, thanks to the reviewers who gave me advice/ suggestions. I will try to work more stuff into the sequel, if I can remember. I wrote this last night and said, This is not worthy of the end. So I scrapped it and rewrote the whole thing. I am actually LIKING this one. Please review, k? And if you EVER have ANYTHING you think I should put in my fic, you can always tell me. Cold things, sexy!Snape... whatever. *sniggers* Now, to end this wonderful journey...**  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
**So we're agreed, right?  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm sorry, I just don't want to lie to everyone!  
  
We already talked about this.  
  
I know, I know, it's just -  
  
  
  
I feel bad lying to everyone!  
  
Then don't think of it as lying.  
  
But it is lying.  
  
It is _not_ lying.  
  
Well, it's certainly not being_ honest_.  
  
You're just equivocating. It's different.  
  
It's still dishonest!  
  
What is it with you and this whole, being honest' thing?  
  
Of course, you're a Slytherin. You wouldn't get it.  
  
Ouch, you hurt my feelings.  
  
Shut up. Really, I just don't know if I can do this.  
  
You don't have a choice. We TALKED about this, Harry. Just suck it up and act like a man... or something.  
  
Or something?  
  
I don't know. I just know that we talked about this and you are NOT going to go and tell all of Hogwarts about us.  
  
I wouldn't -  
  
You would.  
  
  
  
Come on, Harry. Admit it. If you had the chance to tell everyone on earth, you would.  
  
  
  
I'm right, said Draco, smirking. I'm always right.  
  
No one is always right.  
  
Not most people. But I am.  
  
NO ONE, Draco.  
  
I am Super Draco. I can do anything. And everything. And I am always right.  
  
What is it with you and creating stupid names for yourself?  
  
My names are NOT stupid.  
  
Ahem. I seem to remember something about a dominatrix...  
  
  
  
  
  
All right. So that one was... less than perfect. It seemed like a good idea at the time...  
  
Yeah, okay.  
  
Yeah, well. At least I don't get sex tips from my Professors...  
  
  
  
  
  
I thought you liked the jell-o...  
  
It was okay.  
  
So why are you complaining?  
  
I'm not complaining. I'm making a point.  
  
And that point is?  
  
That you shouldn't take pointers from Snape's sex life.  
  
Did I tell you?  
  
Tell me what?  
  
About Snape and Trelawney?  
  
... no.  
  
I'm pretty sure that Trelawney and Snape are...  
  
You don't say.  
  
Mmm hmm.  
  
He really gets around.  
  
Yeah. You'd think he'd be happier, what with all the action he seems to be having.  
  
Hot, jell-o action.  
  
  
  
So we're settled, right? We're not going to tell anyone.  
  
  
  
  
  
But I don't want to lie.  
  
Stop being such a git.  
  
I am not. And besides, Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ron already know...  
  
But no one else knows.  
  
Blaise knows. How do you know that he won't -  
  
Blaise is NOT going to tell anyone.  
  
But Draco, how do you know?  
  
Just trust me.  
  
Trust you? But I thought they put you in Slytherin for a reason...  
  
All right, you shut up now.  
  
Well it's true, isn't it?  
  
THWACK!  
  
said Harry. It's DEFINITELY true.  
  
Oh, look, said Draco, as he and Harry approached the Great Hall. We're here.  
  
Do we really have to lie to everyone?  
  
Yes. Yes, we do.  
  
But Draco -  
  
We already talked about this.  
  
I know, but what about -  
  
  
  
But can't I tell -  
  
  
  
But, Draco -  
  
  
  
You didn't even wait to hear what I was going to say!  
  
I don't need to. The answer is, no' Harry.  
  
You're such an arse.  
  
But I thought you liked my arse.  
  
Oh, not this again! cried Harry, throwing up his arms. Fine. You wait here. I'll go into the Great Hall and you can go in in a few minutes.  
  
Why do you get to go first?  
  
Because. If I have to lie to my friends, I get to go in first.  
  
You Gryffindors and all your damned fairness and equality.  
  
  
  
Yes, Harry?  
  
You look sexy when you pout.  
  
I always look sexy.  
  
Yes, but you look especially sexy when you pout.  
  
I thought you wanted breakfast...  
  
Breakfast can wait.  
  
But I'm hungry.  
  
Aww, come on Draco...  
  
Harry. Really.  
  
  
  
Ack! Harry, stop! We're in public!  
  
Come on, live a little.  
  
I'm living just fine, thanks. And - hey! Don't put your hand there! Harry!  
  
Let's skip breakfast.  
  
No, I told you already. I'm hungry. And don't DO that!  
  
But you liked it last night...  
  
Harry, anyone could come along and see us.  
  
You didn't care last night.  
  
That was last night. This is now. STOP THAT!  
  
  
  
Oh, don't look at me like that.  
  
  
  
Fine, fine. But not now. Breakfast now. Sex later.  
  
But I want it now.  
  
Well, I want food now. Deal with it.  
  
Harry sniffed. Fine, Draco. Be that way. See if I ever let you play with my wand again.  
  
Draco sighed. he said. Fine, we'll do it now.  
  
  
  
Let's just make it quick, all right? I need to eat.  
  
  
  
***  
  
20 MINUTES LATER...  
  
Hey, Ron, said Hermione, looking around the Great Hall. Where's Harry?  
  
I already told you, Herm, he said, taking the marmalade. I have no idea.  
  
She sighed and looked at her watch. It's awfully late.  
  
I'll bet I know where he is, Seamus piped up, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The last time I saw him he was -  
  
KICK! KICK! KICK!  
  
Seamus yelled, jumping up from the Gryffindor table, holding his leg. That hurt!  
  
Shut up, hissed Dean, Ron, and Neville. We're not supposed to talk about that!  
  
Seamus whimpered. You didn't have to kick me...  
  
Stop complaining, said Dean. At least we got out of our detentions...  
  
said Seamus, sniggering as he sat back down. Although I almost feel bad for Snape...  
  
ALMOST being the operative word, said Dean, laughing. If you ask me, he deserved what he got.  
  
Ron frowned. What are you all talking about?  
  
said Dean. After you and Harry went running off we got caught -  
  
- by Snape AND McGonagall, supplied Seamus.  
  
said Neville.  
  
And we got in trouble for being out of bed, said Dean.  
  
And Snape tried to kill me, said Seamus.  
  
Only because of the pudding thing, Neville pointed out.  
  
Ron blinked.   
  
So anyway, said Dean. McGonagall got mad at Snape and made him go away -  
  
No jell-o for yooooouuuuuu, Seamus sang, gleefully.  
  
And then she gave us detention, said Neville. But at least she got Filch to look for Trevor.  
  
Oh, yeah, said Ron. I'd almost forgotten. So what happened to Trevor, anyway?  
  
Neville looked perturbed. Seamus sniggered.  
  
said Dean. As it turns out... Trevor... is actually, erm... well... Trevor is...  
  
A GIRL! Seamus yelled. Trevor is a GIRL! Ha ha ha!  
  
Neville sniffed. It's not funny, Seamus.  
  
All that time and you never knew? said Hermione, looking up from her Potions textbook. How could you not know, Neville? And how did you find out?  
  
Neville whimpered. Filch found her down at the lake...  
  
Laying eggs, said Dean. It seems that little Trevorita gets around.  
  
Trevor was PREGNANT? Ron exclaimed.  
  
Neville whimpered.  
  
Oh, come on, said Seamus, clapping him on the back. I told you I was sorry. We just never thought to use protection...  
  
ARGH! Seamus! That isn't funny! yelled Neville.  
  
said Ron. Even Snape is better than Neville's toad...  
  
Hee, hee, said Seamus. I'm a proud father.  
  
said Neville. It's not funny.  
  
So, anyway, interrupted Hermione. How did you three get out of your detention?  
  
Well, McGonagall just felt so bad for me and Trevor, what with the kids on the way and all...  
  
SMACK!  
  
Oww! Neville, you HIT me!  
  
You deserved it!  
  
I did NOT!  
  
You did, said Dean. So anyway, Hermione, we got out of it because McGonagall got mad at Snape.  
  
Apparently Snape's not a one-woman man, said Seamus. But neither am I, so I understand.  
  
Ron frowned. Trelawney, right?  
  
said Dean. How did you know...?  
  
Lucky guess, Ron mumbled.  
  
Well anyway, said Seamus. She caught him with Trelawney, got mad, and completely forgot about us. Then she remembered and, just to make Snape mad, pardoned us. No punishment, wheee!  
  
Lucky break, said Ron. Oh, look. Here's Harry now...  
  
Helloooooooooooooo all, said Harry gleefully, skipping over to the Gryffindor table. Wonderful morning isn't it?  
  
said Ron.  
  
I know that look, said Seamus. THAT is the look that you get after you have SEX!  
  
Ginny Weasley's head whipped around. HARRY HAD SEX?!  
  
The Great Hall was suddenly completely quiet. Harry stopped skipping and looked around at the Great Hall guiltily. he said. I didn't.  
  
You did! Seamus exclaimed, but in a lower voice this time. I know you did! I can tell.  
  
Harry took a seat between Ron and Hermione. Shut it, Seamus. I did not, just leave it.  
  
said Dean, looking thoughtfully at Harry. Yep. Seamus is right. I can see it.  
  
See what?! Harry exclaimed, looking at his robes frantically. There's nothing to see! I made sure to -  
  
WHAT I MEANT, Dean said loudly, interrupting Harry. Was that I could see the afterglow.  
  
said Harry, looking slightly relieved.   
  
Hermione asked.  
  
Don't ask, said Ron. Just don't ask.  
  
Harry had sex?! yelled Ginny.  
  
hissed Ron. Be quiet, Ginny!  
  
So, Harry, said Seamus. How was it?  
  
I'm sure I don't know what you're referring to, Seamus.  
  
I think you know.  
  
I'll tell you later, Harry whispered so only Seamus could hear. So anyway, he said, raising his voice again. What are you all up to?  
  
Oh, look, Dean commented, keeping his voice neutral. There's Draco Malfoy.  
  
said Seamus. And look at that! His robes are all askew.  
  
I cannot believe you just said askew, said Dean. You almost sounded smart.  
  
Well, thanks, Dean, but - wait. Hey! That was an insult!  
  
And his hair is all disheveled, Dean commented, looking at Draco again as the boy walked over to the Slytherin table. Wonder what he was doing before he came here...  
  
He and Harry were probably shagging.  
  
Seamus, Dean, Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny all turned to stare at Neville.  
  
Harry... and Malfoy? squeaked Ginny.  
  
Hermione blinked. Well, Ron, she said, pulling out a handful of coins. I guess I owe you two sickles, don't I?  
  
exclaimed Harry. You told her?!  
  
Ron shrugged and took the two sickles from Hermione. You would have told her anyway...  
  
No wonder you were late to breakfast, Harry, said Seamus, winking. You bad boy, you!  
  
Thanks a lot, Neville, hissed Harry. Now everyone knows!  
  
said Ginny, still in shock. And... Malfoy.  
  
said Parvati, finally deigning to say something. At least he has good taste in men.  
  
agreed Lavender. Draco Malfoy is THE sexiest guy at Hogwarts!  
  
A shame they're both gay, said Seamus.  
  
said Parvati and Lavender together, sighing.  
  
No one is supposed to knooowwww, moaned Harry.  
  
Don't worry about it, said Seamus. Everyone was bound to find out.  
  
I knew, said Parvati. When Harry didn't want to have sex with me back in fifth year, I knew he had to be gay.  
  
Are you sure it wasn't just you? asked Seamus.  
  
Parvati narrowed her eyes at him. I'm sure.  
  
Draco's going to kill me!  
  
Oh, no, Harry, said Seamus, sounding suddenly grave. He'll do a lot worse than that...  
  
What do you think he'll do? whimpered Harry.  
  
Seamus gave Harry a piteous look. No sex, he said. For a week at least.  
  
  
  
Seamus nodded. I'm afraid so, Harry. No jell-o for you!  
  
Harry gasped. He wouldn't!  
  
It is Malfoy, Harry, said Dean. I'll bet he would.  
  
Harry sniffed. But I can't live without my jell-o...  
  
Don't worry about it, said Seamus. There's always pudding.  
  
Yeah, I guess, said Harry, sadly. But jell-o is special...  
  
What EXACTLY can you do with jell-o? asked Hermione.  
  
said Dean.  
  
I don't want to talk about it, mumbled Harry.  
  
Who cares? said Ron, shrugging.  
  
said Seamus. There are approximately 101 things you can do with jell-o. First, there's eating it, obviously. And second...  
  
And so Seamus taught the other Gryffindors the true value of jell-o (You can do this multiple ways...).   
  
Trevor was never renamed (Trevor can be a girl's name, too! insisted Neville) but she did lay and hatch her eggs.   
  
Harry made the other Gryffindors promise not to tell anyone about him and Draco, which they agreed to do, but would always ask Harry, How's the jell-o today? when they saw him in the halls.   
  
Ginny got over being shocked (I can't believe he's gay! Ginny exclaimed. Get over it, said Ron).   
  
Draco refused to have sex with Harry for one week, after which time his hormones betrayed him and they enjoyed a night of wild, monkey sex (Ha, ha, ha! Dominatrix!Draco has returned! crowed Draco).   
  
Blaise never told anyone about Harry and Draco (Don't kick me again! yelled Blaise. That hurt!).   
  
Ron finally accepted Draco when he discovered his new broomstick at Christmas (I guess he's not so skanky, after all, said Ron).   
  
Hermione finally answered Parvati and Lavender's question (Harry or Ron? Well, Harry's gay, so Ron, I guess, Hermione said. Plus I've always had a thing for red-heads!).  
  
And Harry and Draco experienced all 101 uses of jell-o....  
  
THE END  
~Finis~  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
That was long, but it's the end so it really had to be. I found out that British people say, instead of so from now on it shall be known as jelly. *sniff* Anyway, it's over and I'm sad. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!! Feel free and review this chapter, too.  
  
It's the end. But don't be sad. Coming soon: Harry Potter and the Spiked Pumpkin Juice. Blaise hatches a plan for revenge and gets a bunch of people drunk at their graduation party (Yes, graduation!). It's the sequel. Course this fic needs a sequel...  
  
_If you want to know when it's up then you can leave me your e-mail in the review or e-mail me at chibiwhiteferret@aol.com and I will tell you when it's out. Should be soon. But not too soon.  
_  
Thanks so much to all the loyal readers who have been reading since this started. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, cuz I love reviews!! HP&SPJ out soon. Until then...  
  
Yours in the 101 uses of jell-o, giving Snape blow jobs, and flying toads,  
  
~ChibiWhiteFerret (But you can call me Savannah since that's my real name...)  
  
End Transmission: 3/15/02 (Oooh, Sean Biggerstaff's birthday! Yay!)


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